One
Drop of
Water was
All that was needed
For them to finally see
The truth that was held
Somewhere deep in
Pools of shadow
In me
…
Now
Time has
Finally told
The story it held
So long concealed
In rivers of shadow that
Drowned out fear as well
As the hope I never knew
The hope withheld for
Fear of discovery
In me
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Very nice concrete poem! The shapes of the droplets are exceptionally done.
The capital letters at the beginning of each line seem to give a slight shadowing effect to the left side of the shape- I don't now, it's just a weird observation my brain noted. The words themselves are beautiful and meaningful. I don't understand the exact meaning you are trying to get across, but I think the metaphors, imagery, and personification you used are excellent. Great job on this concrete poem!
Hi!
Again, cool formatting. I like how this one takes the form of a water drop.
The lack of punctuation and I think the formatting itself makes the flow seem really choppy.
It just seems so robotic and monotonous, you know? Add punctuation! The flow will flow so much flow-y-er.
That's really all the criticism I have, now I'll talk about the positive stuff.
Okay, so I just loved the overall content. The word choice, the sentence structure, all of that. You did a wonderful job.
Hope this helps!~
WillowPaw1
Hi there
I really like it and it has good potential, with some slight editing.
The way the poem reads because of the format is slightly choppy, but I think it works.
I'm going to say that the lack of punctuation killed me, especially at the end. I could tell where sentences were supposed to end, but proper punctuation would really help. It distracts from the poem when the reader has to read the last stanza twice.
I'm about to impart some wisdom to you, so be wary. My English teacher senior year taught this to me and it has forever revolutionized the way I write.
Stop using the word "was".
I know it sounds crazy, impossible, even, but it can be done and it will make your writing so much better! All you have to do is replace it with a verb, any happy little verb (Peter Pan reference right there). "Was" is passive and therefore makes writing seem bland and boring. By replacing it with a verb, you make your writing active and engaging to the reader. This takes a lot of practice to do well, but after a while it starts becoming easier.
Bonus: it strengthens your vocabulary.
Overall, good poem. It made me feel, though I'm not sure what emotion it was exactly. Mostly empathy maybe? Keep writing, my friend!
-Lucky_Duck
Cool advice!
Sunshine here to review...
I love this line:
OMG AWESOME FORMATTING RIGHT HERE! It's just really cool how you put the poem in the shape of tears. This has a really good message and was very well written. Keep up the awesome work!
The truth that was held
Somewhere deep in
Pools of shadow
In me
This just became my favorite new poem