summer of storms

W O W that was a good poem!


hello, que! Nicole here for a short review!

first thoughts: this is such a good poem! the imagery, the wording, the flow, all of it.
it was so powerful.
I loved it when you said
''it starts in silence'' such a great opening.
I also really like how it starts and ends basically the same way, but not exactly the same.


things you could fix: I thought overall it was great. there's not much I would change. the only thing that made me pause was when you said ''and the storm breaks (& breaks & breaks) maybe you could get rid of the () and &. but that is just a suggestion.




recap:
I thought this was a great poem!
keep writing!

-Nicole

Hey there! You've given us a nice poem here. Being quite familiar with storms, I can say this definitely portrays a lot of accurate images. I like how you've started out with the "calm before the storm." Then the wording you've chosen is great in building the tension we feel during a storm.

I really liked these two lines:
"erratic flickers of white preface the dull roaring

of a rain-wall sweeping in from the west"

It's cool how you've talked about lightning and thunder without actually using those terms. Another place where you've used great imagery is in the line:
"a green funnel-cloud opens like a maw."

This really conveys how threatening the bad weather can feel.

I found it interesting how you described the falling hail by saying, "spitting hailstones like cherry pits". That definitely takes a unique twist. I wouldn't say it's bad, but that particular comparison almost feels a little out of place. To me, it kind of feels like it takes an abrupt and awkward shift from the building tension in the idea of the storm.

Another line that particularly stood out to me was where you wrote, "the bright sizzling frozen veins of light". I am of two minds on this line. On one hand, I love the contrast between the "sizzling" and the "frozen" immediately following it. On the other hand, it almost seems like it could be sort of wonky how it goes from the idea of hot to cold in the same line, both to describe the same thing.

Well, that's all for this review. Take or leave whatever is beneficial to you. Thanks for sharing this poem!

This was well written and detailed.When I read this,I got a clear picture of what you were talking about.I enjoyed reading this poem.It's beautiful and lovely,great job!

This is such a beautiful poem. The reader gets such a physical feeling reading this, it is an extremely atmospheric poem. Great poetry makes the ordinary extraordinary, but you have managed to make the extraordinary extraordinary. Your use of metaphors is surprising, imaginative, and delightfully unexpected often! The metaphors are also not only beautiful in themselves, they also evoke other associations with the season of tornadoes, for example “ splitting hailstones like cherry pits”. This line brings to mind the lazy summer days before the storm, but it also gives a certain attitude to the storm - rather flippant, not caring for the damage it is causing. So you’ve done two things at once with one beautiful simile. And then another line I loved was” the bright sizzling frozen veins of light extended web-like through the clouds. Here there is such a beautiful contrast between the summer associations of cherries from the previous line and the frosty almost wintry feel of this one. And then I really liked the way, despite all the crunching together of various images, you gave the poem a little structure to play within by repeating the idea of “breathing in poison” and bringing to mind the silence of and expectation that comes both before a storm and after it. This is a fine poem: the visual aspect is worthy of the Imagist movement!