The jagged edges of
Seven keys
Brush my knee
Setting me to shivers
And the soft flesh mutes
The monotone jangle
They would otherwise make
Swaying to the song
Of the engine.
•
As the lines of cars
Pass me in a blur,
I trace familiar faces over
Those of the strangers
And push myself to
Drive a little faster
Away
As the lights streak
Into the distance.
•
I feel the coiled steel muscles
Of a beast under my foot
Tightening, taut
As I push firmly down
Slowly, slowly, slow-
Anything to stop
The wild acceleration
That has become my life.
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139,640 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
hi. the is kman134. here to review your work.
my favorite part was the middle:
"As the lines of cars
Pass me in a blur,
I trace familiar faces over
Those of the strangers
And push myself to
Drive a little faster
Away
As the lights streak
Into the distance."
the problem with driving all night is that, when you see the passerby's, they start to all look the same, which becomes scary like in a twilight zone episode. this stanza was very ominous, analytic, and hauntingly exacerbating, almost like witnessing your life passing by.
the imagery was brilliant, having a sort of kafkaesque setting setting throughout the poem. you have the feeling of being in an oppressive and nightmarish setting while you keep on driving, hoping for your car to stop and the nightmare to end, while reflecting on whether this is your life now or not.
anyways, i hope to read more from you. have a nice day!
Dear Falconer,
Eccentric Rose has dropped by to review your poem!
My favourite part of this poem is actually the very beginning.
"The jagged edges of,
Seven keys,
Brush my knee."
You used some great imagery!
"coiled steel muscles" <------ This is perfect.
If you as the author love to speed or not, you wrote this poem well. If you love to speed, then you captured the essence of the feeling well. If you don't, then I congratulate you for stepping out of your shoes and writing about someone else's passions!
I hope to read more of your work! I left this website for awhile, but hopefully I will be around a little more often to see what you come up with next.
~Rose
Woah. Blown away, this is great.
- Tiana
I really love your use of metaphors. You've used them spot on and it really pays off.
The only thing I can fault is your use of capitalisation. It's so petty but sometimes the case should be changed. I make this error countless times too, and to be honest it's barely even an error, it is a correction.
Since you've pretty much nailed this poem, next time I'd like to see you really look into the syllables of this, and to really challenge yourself into making the aesthetics better and how it 'rolls off the tongue'
HEELLO Falconer,
A poem about a night drive. I must say, I really felt the acceleration in that last stanza. And I like how you compared the car to a steel beast. Cars can be untamed sometimes....
Why do I feel like the poem is going to end in a car accident?
I don't suppose the poem has a specific pattern to it? It feels a little random, the layout. In this case, that's a good thing. Your word choice works for any kind of poem. Nice job!
That car's your pet beast.
Take care of it,
Night Kaizer