Cleaning Hearts

Hi Que! First of all, I love how you follow the same rhyme scheme for the whole poem and also stay consistent with the same theme. The poem felt very organized, and I guess clean, haha!

I don’t know if I love you,

You start every phrase with this line ^^ and then go into more detail. Clearly, I can tell that this poem is about contemplating if you still love somebody, while you distract yourself, but even as you do that, the thoughts and questions still creep into your mind.

so I clean the shower drain;

I scrub and scour the piping clean,

but I can’t turn off my brain.

I liked the 'scrub and scour' because it sounded very nice to read and say out loud. I am not really sure how to explain this, but the appearance of the poem is very aesthetically pleasing because the words all seem to be about the same length and the lines are equal. I think that what I am truing to say is that it gives a very neat, still, and collected impression. If there arent a lot of variations, it can look boring or simple. Perhaps having one line finally break the pattern or be longer could be a symbol of change or moving forward at the end, but I get the sense that this poem is focussing on the fact that you don't know how to make those changes at all.

I don’t know if I love you,

so I wipe away this mess

I can’t erase the stains of us,

I don’t know what is best.

It almost felt like a period or comma was missing after the word 'mess' since you did that with your other stanzas. Something about the simplicity is very comforting, but I would also love to see some sort of change or climax of the poem, or maybe more personal details or memories of this person. Perhaps things you do while cleaning remind you of ways they have made you feel, or parts of them, that make you even more conflicted.

I don’t know if I love you,

in the right way and place and time,

but I cannot stand the pressure

so I focus on the grime.

This is just a personal opinion, but I would remove the comma after 'love you' in the first line just for this last stanza. I feel like it changes it slightly in a way that might give more closure. I love how you go back to cleaning to distract yourself. This makes me think of a lot like: what will you do when everything is clean? Overall, I found it easy to follow along. This was a very simple, but meaningful poem that I enjoyed reading a lot. Awesome job, Que!

Your friend,
Ellie