The Realization

This will probably be the shortest review I ever give you but, as in all my others, I have given it great consideration. Dr. Seuss once said, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” I would like to revise this and state, “A reviews a review, no matter how small.” Ehh, see what I did there. I’m a genius.

“So, I was going through an old notbook”

You spelled notebook wrong ;D There should be an “e” between (t) and (b).

“In a sense…”

I think that it would make more sense if you changed this “In a way,” because it feels like your forcing the word to be there.

“…because of who we've become.”

I think the proper form of “who” here would be “whom.”

I like this thought process! I like the glimpse into your head, I can see where you’re coming from and how you came to that conclusion. What I would like to see, it your journey there. How did you come to this conclusion, could you explain it in a way that everyone could understand, even the ones, as Hannah said, never left? I have a short little story that kind of explains this:
Last year I took a trip to London. It was my first time out of the country and I was excited, a little nervous, but excited nonetheless. I thought it was just going to be a quick trip there, some lectures, take some pictures then I would come back. I didn’t realize that in the event of leaving, I was improving upon myself. I felt myself changing from the small-town view to a world view. I could grasp the full meaning of war, as I could see the damage done. I saw full scale poverty but I also saw happiness. When I returned to the states, I was changes. I could feel it inside me, growing and changing me. Nobody else could see it but I knew it was there. At the same time, when I returned I saw that I wasn’t the only one who had changes. My best friend had had some experiences that had changed her. She never left but she was a changed person. We felt like we changes and yet, the next day we both got up and went to our Psychology class. In the end, the world around us hadn’t changed, but our inner selves had.

So you see, I can completely relate to this, as I’m sure, a lot of people could. I love seeing your thought process, it’s creative.

Good Luck! Happy Writing!

Starleene Out.

Hey again, Purple. I would quickly like to say that if you're looking to post a snippet for other people to look at without really requesting reviews, you could start up your blog under the weblogs tab and still get comments up in there. Otherwise, remember that forums are really inviting reviews, critiques, and other members to spend their time trying to help you fix something, so if it's just a neat thing you want to show off or discuss, maybe the literary forums are not quite the place. ( :

Anyway, I feel like the first part of this makes sense, but the very last sentences throws off any trust I had in the writer.

An old teacher of mine got me a CD of Garrison Keillor doing some of his shows, and one was about English majors and how they always say "of course". It's based in reality, 'cause I think we as writers try to get across what's already in our heads, so we're often surprised someone can't quite see what we think was obvious in our words. In these cases, "of course" actually serves to distance people who would have previously agreed because the topic seems already solid and there's no room for their agreement.

Your "after all" works the same way for me. It alienates me, not just because I don't get the logic of how we left because the place we were was not the same as who we've become -- how'd we know who we'd be in the future? -- but because it assumes I have been in the thinking pattern with it. If I disagree, I want to throw the whole idea out the window, but you HAD me up until that point. Yes, we need something familiar to gauge our change by, but by then it seems not quite right because we weren't there to watch the place change, too.

Be cautious of the way you present ideas, and see if you can't bring more body to this if it's important to you. Take us through it step by step or use an anecdote to illustrate this concept so that more people can grasp it. Some people have never left the place they've always been. Can you make them understand this difference?

PM me with questions or comments, as I don't receive notifications for replies to my reviews. Good luck, keep writing, and keep fresh!