I hate how
when I pour out
my soul
to you
it reminds you of your own
problems
and we have to
carry each other
through the endless darkness look for the sun
just to be burned
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I absolutely love poem with this type of format. something about it just makes it seem more interesting or mysterious. Theyre is so many ways you could read this poem and it would still sound good. I feel like only some people can pull off this format though. You have to have really clever words to pull it off. youre one of the people who can do it perfectly.
-llorona
Hey there! I don't have much to say because ChipsMcCoy already said what was on my mind. Especially about the word "when". All I have to say is that your poem is great. Keep writing, you seem like a talented poet!
Hello, Chips here with a review!
Well, I actually had to read this poem twice to see where the whole poem actually is, due to the formatting. This is not necessarily a bad thing, I really liked the individuality of it and the flow but I would have preferred it written in a way that is simple to read straight away.
I loved the way you expressed yourself in this piece, it was interesting and not the usual way of describing a relationship so well done on that!
I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you.
" I hate how
when I pour out
my soul
to you"
Here, there is flow is slightly interrupted and I think that is due to the word, " when", I would cut that word out so it reads, "I hate how I pour out my soul to you" etc...
I liked the reference to "reminds you of your own problems", it is so realistic of humans in general how they each try to compare who's life is worse rather than encouraging someone with a problem. And you captured that in words wonderfully.
Overall this was a very nice piece of poetry, quite philosophical too. Hope this review helped. Keep writing!
--Chippy
Thank you for the review! I think taking out the "when" in that beginning statement of one of the poems would alter the others and would change the meaning. I don't hate *how* I pour out my soul, I hate how *when* I do these things occur.
Hello there, sophomoric here for a review. Okay, so first of all, I love your poem. I can totally relate to this. Like how whichever way you turn, whatever path you take, there'll always be negative consequences. How intriguing.
The formatting of the poem though, is strange to me. Perhaps it's because I'm not used to reading such poems but I think I'd rather it be aligned to the left normally. That's my only problem.
But great poem! It's short yet powerful.
Whoa! First of all, it was work to keep up with the format of this poem, but you made it interesting by places the lines in different spots. Second, the poem breaks my heart. It's true sometimes that when we confess our love, the counter is how many problems they had, and they can't just toss them out the window. What can you do though? My motto, "If their problems become your problems, leave."
Another great poem I found on this site. Very well done. I hope you get a lot of likes on this.
Thanks!