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It's Weird

by PunkLavender

A/N: A friend of mine was really close to ending her own life and this sort of happened because of that.

It's weird.

How the world spins.

How it doesn't stop.

Not for me,

Or you,

Or anyone.

People are born,

They live,

They die.

A baby girl takes her first steps,

A broken boy takes his last leap,

And the world spins.

It spins,

And spins,

And spins.

It'll keep spinning until the day it finally stops.

It's weird,

How quickly you can get wrapped up in someone's life.

You don't need to see them

Or hear them,

Just feel them.

And it's like they become a part of you.

Everyone you've ever come across

Is a part of you.

People you don't even know

Can hurt you,

Can kill you.

Or they can heal you,

Can save you.

It's weird,

How intensely you can feel.

The twist of your gut,

The fluster of blush,

The burn of tears behind eyes.

And it's weird how easy it is to fake

Being okay sometimes. 

Or how blind some people are to the fact 

That you're not okay.

It's weird

The phrase "Take your own life"

Because it's impossibly accurate

Every part of you

Every person you've ever come across

Will feel it

But the world

Will still spin.

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9 Reviews

Points: 56
Reviews: 9

Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:59 pm
chaussettes wrote a review...

I love this, maybe I'm overly sensitive to poems like yours since I seriously considered taking my own life many times, but I guess that even if I haven't, I'd fall in love with your words. You don't use difficult or long ones but it sill sounds serious and mature, not simple at all.
It's so painfully true, how the world will spin and turn without us present in it, but that world will be free of our existence, which makes it different. The world becomes different for the people that loved us, it spins differently when we're gone.
I just want to say that I really like this and I hope your friend is feeling better.

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559 Reviews

Points: 28691
Reviews: 559

Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:53 am
alliyah wrote a review...

Hi there, just stopping by to say this is a really nice piece, and to leave a few thoughts on it. I liked your writing style - short, blunt sentences, just saying it like it is. There's a lot of emotion behind here, and I think you make some interesting points as well. The lines here are really powerful:

Everyone you've ever come across
Is a part of you.
People you don't even know
Can hurt you,
Can kill you.

I'm not sure I liked the repetition of "it's weird" - for me that didn't quite seem to be the emotion being expressed, I can't put my finger on exactly what emotion that is, but you do seem to capture something here. I also had a little bit of an issue with the continuity of some of the themes, I like everything you expressed, but for me it was hard to make the connection of how some of the themes connected to each other. The theme of interconnectedness comes through, but there's another tone of sorrow and loss as well, and it's not completely clear to me how these two are connecting.

I also liked the bookends of mentioning the world spinning at the beginning of the poem and at the end. I would have loved to see a bit more imagery (like in the world spinning part) and more figurative language. You have the momentary image of the baby girl and young boy, and I think drawing out a few more specific moments where you go from the general to the personal/specific would work well to break up the piece a bit. Overall though, I really did enjoy your consistency of tone and language in this.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!


PunkLavender says...

Thank you for reviewing, it really helps! I'll make sure I keep your point about imagery in mind. The off-center feeling that came with the repetition of "it's weird" was on purpose, in a way. It was meant to illustrate, at least for me, the off-balance feeling of knowing that someone is going through something serious, but not really being very close to the person. I didn't tell anyone what the friend was going through, and it was odd, watching life continue on around me while I held this secret. Anyway, thanks again for reviewing!

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55 Reviews

Points: 4517
Reviews: 55

Fri Jul 14, 2017 9:54 am
DarshayataDeka wrote a review...

Hi ! First of all, you are an amazing poet and I hope your friend is safe.

As soon as I saw the title of your poem, I thought that the poem would be about all those embarrasing and funny incidents in your life. But then, the idiom 'do not judge a book by its cover' proved to be true in your poem. Your artistic temperament in expressing your emotions must be appreciated. I really liked these lines and found them very powerful and ironic:

"But the world
Will still spin."

Like midnightdreary, I, too think that you tackled the subject of suicide in a professional and understandable way and there was nothing insensitive or offensive in your poem. In my opinion, the title of the poem misleads a bit. The aforementioned two lines of the poems are more powerful than the "Its weird" part and I think the title of the poem should have been related on that. Just like midnightdreary, I also think that you should have begun a new stanza every time you used the words "Its weird". Anyways, I did not find any grammatical errors in the poem and you wrote the poem very well. Keep up the good work !

PunkLavender says...

Thanks for reviewing! It helps a lot!

You are welcome %uD83D%uDE0A

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44 Reviews

Points: 3083
Reviews: 44

Fri Jul 14, 2017 3:21 am
midnightdreary wrote a review...

Hi! This poem tackled the subject of suicide in a professional and understandable way. There was nothing insensitive or offensive that I saw, which I hard to do. I also liked your short phrases. In many poems which use short lines, the words seem broken and disjointed, but your lines all flowed well for the most part. That being said, let's get into the review!

The only real issue I had with this poem was organization of some lines and stanzas.
So the first thing I'd say is that you should make a new stanza every time you say "It's weird", because those parts seem to be the beginning of a new idea each time they come up.

Next is the line "And it's like they become a part of you". I personally think making it "And it's like they become/ A part of you", might sound better. It's fine the way it is, I guess that's just my personal preference.

Then there's punctuation. So it's easy to ignore punctuation in a poem, but adding good punctuation makes poems more readable. Write your lines as if they are sentences. For example, you could change a line to, "Every part of you,/ Every person you've ever come across/ will feel it." The reader knows when an idea ends and one begins, therefore increasing their understanding of the poem that much more.

Last thing I'd like to talk about is your conclusion. There's nothing wrong that I can see, in fact, it's an amazing conclusion. It ties everything together nicely, and it can truly make the reader think about what they just read. Great job with that!

I hope this review was helpful!

PunkLavender says...

Thank you so much for the constructive criticism, it always helps!

Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin