One in a million

by Prats

Published February 16, 2011

In Poetry attempts

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I seem just another girl
wearing worn out jeans,
having big dreams,
living in my own world.

I know I ain’t so popular,
I don’t look picture perfect,
I’m nowhere near best,
And sometimes, I seem queer.

May be I think too much,
May be I’m not always right,
Yes, I’m closed, not forthright
but at least, I don’t judge.

You can shun me away;
Try to change me to your liking,
And call me good-for-nothing,
But I won’t change anyway.

Being me, myself and I, I’m happy,
Yeah, I don’t mind being on my own,
Because at least I’m not a clone.
It’s a shame that you can’t see,
That I’m one in a million, truly.

Comments & reviews · 9
User avatar
DelanieHeart
Review
DelanieHeart wrote a review Review · Mar 9, 2011

I seem just another girl This line flows awkward together and is slightly confusing
wearing worn out jeans,
having big dreams,
living in my own world.

I know I ain’t so popular,
I don’t look picture perfect,
I’m nowhere near best,
And sometimes, I seem queer. I don't know if you meant this but there is no rhyme scheme here. The first one was ABCA and the next 2 stanzas are ABBC. Perhaps you'd like to change this?

May be I think too much,
May be I’m not always right, There is no space between the "may" and the "be" in maybe
Yes, I’m closed, not forthright
but at least, I don’t judge.

You can shun me away; "Shun me away" is a confusing term. It doesn't make sense
Try to change me to your liking,
And call me good-for-nothing,
But I won’t change anyway.

Being me, myself and I, I’m happy,
Yeah, I don’t mind being on my own,
Because at least I’m not a clone.
It’s a shame that you can’t see,
That I’m one in a million, truly. Interesting rhyme scheme. I can't help but notice it changes with almost every stanza. Was that intentional?


I like this poem and the message it carries but the rhyme scheme is a confusion to me. Did you mean for it to change in the poem? Anyways, I liked it so keep on writing!

User avatar
Prats
Comment
Prats commented Comment · Mar 9, 2011

Thank you for your reviews everyone. I really appreciate it... I'll keep those tips in mind. :)

User avatar
Upile
Review
Upile wrote a review Review · Feb 19, 2011

hey
this poem is beautiful. it really captures what many people feel, mostly the girls but it is magical at that because you and I both know us females are truly complicated. The poem's simplicity is wonderful, you don't go above and beyond to make your point. the words are simple and the way they are placed together is magical.
I only have a little suggestion about the line 'I seem just another girl'. I think it would be more effective if you add 'like' right in between 'seem' and 'just'. a simple word can do a lot. it will make for a more wonderful entrance. other than that I that I am enamoured!
keep up the great work! Bravo!
x Upile x

User avatar
qaralynn
Comment
qaralynn commented Comment · Feb 18, 2011

great write!! I especially liked these lines:
''May be I think too much,
May be I’m not always right,
Yes, I’m closed, not forthright
but at least, I don’t judge.''

User avatar
summerlovee
Comment
summerlovee commented Comment · Feb 18, 2011

This poem exactly describes how i feel and probably alot of other girls !
I love how you took a realistic thing in society and put it in a poem so we can actually relate to it (:
i loved this and it was really good (:

MusicAndWritingSpeak commented Comment · Feb 18, 2011

Welcome to yws first off I'm not really good at reviewing poetry. Just wanted to say maybe does not have a space between it, I didn't know if it was intentional or not

User avatar
cupcake
Comment
cupcake commented Comment · Feb 17, 2011

This poem is so true! I liked it. Keep writing! :D

User avatar
Shizzley
Comment
Shizzley commented Comment · Feb 16, 2011

Sorry, I just noticed that your new after I posted my review. Just wanted to say welcome and I'm kind of new myself so high five. It was a good peice for a first post.

Well done! :D

User avatar
Shizzley
Review
Shizzley wrote a review Review · Feb 16, 2011

I thought that this poem was very linked to today's society and how girl's must feel. You did a very good job with it and it was very deep, and like a lot of others who may read this, I could identify with the character's feelings and emotions. I just have a few little nit-picks for you.

I don’t look picture perfect,
I’m nowhere near best,

I noticed that you used the unusual pattern of rhyming the 2nd and 3rd lines, but I'm pretty sure that 'perfect' and 'best' doesn't rhyme. Look in the thesaurus for alternative words or in the rhyming dictionary. Here are a few that I have thought of if you want to use one:
'I'm not what you expect'
'Not offered respect'

You could probably come up with better one's but you can use one of these if you like :D.

May be I think too much,
May be I’m not always right,
Yes, I’m closed, not forthright
but at least, I don’t judge.

By the way, last time I checked 'may be' was one word, right?
Also, I think it depends on your point of view but I don't think that 'right' and 'forthright' can rhyme. It's your choice whether you change it or not but because it's a compound and the last syllable is the same as the word you are rhyming it with it seems a bit repetitive.

It’s a shame that you can’t see,
That I’m one in a million, truly.

Awesome way to end :D.

Keep typing!



The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451