16+ Language

The Great Grimsby [2/2]

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Her visits grow more frequent—or, perhaps, you have only begun to notice them more. Most days, it is you who has the carnations ready for her. Some days, she stays to chat, and you learn so much more than Jess has about her. You know this, because Jess is surprised every time you comment offhandedly about her past. She used to live on Earth. Her uncle was an Intergalactic Diplomat who brought her up after her parents died—three-hundred years ago, she told you. 1895, to be precise. She’s been flitting through time ever since. 

‘Why settle down now?’ you ask her once.

‘Circumstance,’ she replies. ‘My uncle was killed a month ago,’ she elaborates, when you press her; she turns a single carnation around in her palm. ‘There was a bit of a scuffle over his estate, and this arse from the BMT—you’ve heard of the BMT, right?’

You have. BMT, or Black Market Traders, are one of the biggest legal gangs in the galaxy. Legal, because they’ve never been imprisoned for their crimes yet. ‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘They’ve got big names in the Intergalactic Court, right?’

‘Yeah.’ She tells you that BMT has taken her inheritance and, along with it, her safety. ‘I’m Diplomat now, o’course, and getting married is the best thing for me.’

‘Such a Victorian concept,’ you remark, and she smiles sadly.

‘I suppose so, yeah.’

This time, when she leaves, she tells you her name. ‘It’s Chrys.’

*


The New Year grows closer, and the Emporium is flooded with customers. Chrys appears every day, on schedule, at three o’clock. Life goes on. The jar of Tantelion stays in its place, on the front counter, but you look at it less often now.

When you tell Jess what Chrys’s story is, he mutters, ‘She shouldn’t go around giving information like that’, and then teases you about being her favourite. You don’t think you are, really, but it is one night in late December that you begin to think otherwise.

That night, it is cold—bitterly so. The clouds scurry over the sky like they have somewhere to be, and you sit, for a change, on the roof of the Emporium. Someone died on Jess’s side of the family, back in California—it was the plague again, he told you—and he’s down at the Inheritance Office right now, straightening things out. He’s using a fake ID, of course, because people cannot know he is directly related to someone white; they’ve been posing as very distant relatives for years. Everyone has roots down in Cali, Jess has said a million times. It’s only that they pretend that they don’t.

You lean against the low iron walls on the flat roof, breathing in deeply. The chilly air eddies through your lungs and you draw your jacket around yourself more tightly. The streetlights gleam brightly, the buildings send sloping shadows along the tarmac, and it is very quiet—the only sound that greets your ears is the slight buzzing of electricity, but that is a perpetual symphony. Day and night. Summer and winter. The buzzing never ceases.

Mechanically, just like all those other times you’ve been on the Emporium’s roof alone, your eyes are drawn to the ship. Chrys told you that she calls it Great Grimsby, after that one famous novel, but its actual name is Mehark. Its wings flicker in the darkness, like the hands of a clock that is unsure whether it ought to go clockwise—or anticlockwise—and so it ends up going nowhere at all.

‘Hi there.’ Chrys’ voice breaks through your thoughts and you smile lopsidedly at her as she comes to stand next to you.

‘Hi,’ you say. There is silence. Then she says:

‘The wedding’s tomorrow. In the ship. They’ll be showing it on a screen in the city hall.’ She glances askance at you, the silent question visible in her eyes. Be there?

‘I got a letter from Eileen’s lawyer today,’ you say instead. It’s not a reply, and she knows it, but this is the first piece of communication you’ve gotten from your wife in a solid two months, and it’s important.

Chrys places a hand on your shoulder. ‘What’d she say?’

The wind whips into your face, and for a moment you can’t breathe—it’s hard to say it, it’s so very, very hard. There’s a lump in your throat. You swallow. ‘Divorce,’ you say heavily. The tears slide down your face and you turn your head, ashamed. Ashamed that someone who hurt you so much should make you feel like this. Your heart is burning in your throat and your tears ravage your face. Chrys takes your gloved hand and grips it tightly between her ungloved ones. In the moonlight, it’s clear to see that the green she’s slathered across her face is paint. You wonder how she has the patience to do it every day.

‘Breathe,’ she says. ‘You knew it was coming, didn’t you?’ Her eyes look old, weatherworn as she looks at you; you feel like those eyes are peering into your soul and taking it apart at the hinges.

‘It’s the finality,’ you sputter, through your tears. ‘It’s hard to take in.’

She lets you cry, lets you use her as a pillar even as the stars blink out with the rising of the sun.

‘I’m going to kill him,’ she says, breaking the silence that hangs between the both of you.

‘The—who?’ you ask.

‘The King.’ Her face is grim, set in dark, grim lines. ‘I didn’t just come down to Stylwark for flowers,’ she admits. ‘I was looking for a weapon—a knife. Found one a week ago—staleblade, with augerine poison. It’s instant.’ She draws a breath in between her teeth, exhaling into your hair. ‘I’m going to—I’m going to kill him, and leave his body here. Come dawn the day after the wedding, I’ll be at Nebula, and then…’ the words topple out, and this time, it’s her tears that drip down on your face. ‘I’m getting my inheritance back. I need to—everything that my uncle left me.’

‘How will you—’ you begin to ask, but the answer hits you mid-question. ‘Devon has an army, doesn’t he?’

She is quiet; then, wiping her face with the back of a hand, she nods. ‘The head of the BMT is called Raun’Dun. He’s the bastard who’s going to die.’

‘You’ll be doing the galaxy a favour.’ You are slightly dazed. BMT has done its share of kidnapping and rape in the past hundred years. They are part of the reason the Intergalactic Council is so corrupt. ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ you ask Chrys tentatively.

She laughs, and her laugh, this time, is not-so-musical.

‘You’ll see it in the papers. It’ll work out,’ she says, and she sounds so certain that you can’t help but smile.

Chrys leaves at five in the morning, after one last goodbye. She asks you to tell Jess she’ll miss him. You stay out on the roof as the sun climbs over the edge of the city; then, trudging downstairs, you close down shop, flipping the sign to ‘closed’ and writing ‘for personal reasons’ beneath it in red marker.

When you exit through the back, a single white carnation rests on the pavement.

It joins the sprig of Tantelion on the counter.

~*~

On the first day of the new year, King Devon’s body is found tucked in an alleyway behind the city hall, a thin knife between his ribs. The ship has disappeared. No one is able to find out who killed him, but the newspapers report that the young Queen is heartbroken. The murderer, whoever it was, was very careful. The knife was handled with a gloved hand. The only uncommon thing that the police find on the body is a striped carnation in the breast pocket.

They throw it away.

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BluesClues
Review

Definitely my first thought on this installment is: divorce? From the note embedded in the door with a knife and the way Miles keeps the Tantelion on the counter as a reminder, I was 100% sure Eileen had killed herself. Even when it mentioned her lawyer, that thought was so deeply embedded in my brain at this point in the story that for a moment I thought it was a lawyer who was handling her will or something. So you might want to be clearer on that from the moment Miles finds the note. Maybe the note is actually the problem. It was a striking image—the knife through the flower, holding the note on the door—but notes seem more a suicide thing than a divorce thing. Packing up and leaving so your ex comes home to find the house empty seems more a divorce thing. I’m not saying notes can’t happen, I’m just saying that if you want one in the story then it needs to be clearer that she’s leaving, not dead. If you like your note just the way it is, then showing us the bit after that—where Miles enters the house and finds the house empty and Eileen’s things gone (or at least her most important things, the ones she would never leave without)—would clear up what actually happened, and you can still end on the striking image of the empty house.

Question: Why does Chrys buy carnations for her wedding one at a time out the back door of the shop? I get that she comes to the back door secretly so no one sees her and realizes the green skin is just painted on, but that kind of falls apart when you realize she’s going to be under a lot more scrutiny from the public eye as Queen than as a lady visiting a flower shop. Like, why is it okay for the media to be all over her as Queen and no one will see her for what she really is, but if she enters a flower shop then people will know the truth? And buying carnations one at a time when she supposedly needs them for her wedding. I guess she could be lying about that, but I don’t see why she would keep lying about it after Miles becomes “her favorite” and she shares her plans of murder with him. I mean, no point keeping secrets about flowers once you tell someone you’re planning to kill your husband. Right?

Another question: If Chrys has been living with her uncle since 1895, why is she able to time travel? Is this an alternate reality where time travel existed then? Is her uncle actually some relative from the future (especially since something mentioned about the ship—I think I the previous chapter—made me think the people on the ship were from the future, not the past)? Or is there something special about her that makes it so she’s able to travel throughout time regardless?

I didn’t understand this line, mostly because she’s talking all about how she’s going to kill Devon but then says this.

‘How will you—’ you begin to ask, but the answer hits you mid-question. ‘Devon has an army, doesn’t he?’
She is quiet; then, wiping her face with the back of a hand, she nods. ‘The head of the BMT is called Raun’Dun. He’s the bastard who’s going to die.’


I think I understood it on the second read-through—the BMT got ahold of her uncle’s estate, so after she kills Devon and escapes, she’ll need to go after their leader with Devon’s army. I think the reason I got confused is that the bit about her uncle’s fortune and how she lost it was in a separate scene and I was caught up in the fact that Eileen wasn’t dead after all and she’d never mentioned just who managed to keep her uncle’s estate from her or the fact that she wished she could just kill them and get it back, plus I think at first I read the fact of Devon’s army as “how will you get away with killing the king when he has his own army???” But probably mostly Eileen not being dead is what distracted me such that I forgot they’d even talked much about it previously. Okay, so I understand it now, but you might want to see how other readers reacted to this line. Maybe it was just me.

Sorry. I feel really bad now, because I just spent the last review telling you how I had nothing to say about improvements you could make to chapter one, and then here I come and go, “And this didn’t work for me, and this confused me, and I have a question about this, and…” The narrative voice was just a strong in this chapter, but there was a lot that caught me off guard. I feel like it’s because there’s so much more that happens here. In the previous chapter, we spent the entire first part working at the flower shop, until Miles went home to find Eileen dead (just kidding). And then the second part was entirely about Miles meeting Chrys. Whereas in this chapter, there’s a swift, summarized development of the relationship between Miles and Chrys, Jessica basically drops out of the story (I know, I know, he’s worrying about a dead relative in California), Eileen is alive and wants a divorce, Chrys is going to kill her husband, then Chrys does kill her husband. It’s a lot to take in. I feel like you could slow it down without the story dragging.

Blue

Woo!

I like the ending. The whole carnation thing. The second part seems slimmer, like it feels like you got right into the action. So Chrys and Miles are frandz now? cool.

Miles is starting to like her. You touch on the mourning part here when he talks about the divorce paper. That’s nice. How come the bride of the king is allowed to get out at night before the wedding all by herself to some flower-shop? I mean if she’s good at this escaping everybody’s attention you could talk about that a little, to prevent eye rolling.

The backstory, man. I think I’m sorta getting what kind of story you are writing here, but still, we get to know so much stuff in such a short space, it’s kinda hard to take in, considering in the first part the pacing seemed a bit slower. Also, the moment you went “my uncle was killed and I’m forced to marry this guy”, I knew somebody was gonna get murdered. It’s not up my alley but, as I’ve said before, you do give us a pretty good prose (even if you write a shitty fantasy/scifi novel it’s gonna be a very beautifully written shitty fantasy/sci-fi novel).

I’m not completely sure how an intergalactic gang becomes legal because they haven’t been imprisoned. When you say “intergalactic gangs”, you have me sold there. That sounds so cool, and I kinda wished you talked a little bit more about it and the mechanics and all behind them being “legal” and all.

Miles reacting to Chrys’s (yes you need the ‘s’ after the apostrophe. First rule of “The elements of Style". Trumps that shitty newspaper manual where it says you don’t have to) “I’m gonna kill the ringleader of an intergalactic gang with “You’ll be doing the galaxy a favour” seems a little, idontknow, odd? I mean you’d first want to tell the girl to not go around doing stupid things that will bring her more trouble.

But then again, we’re not in Earth. And it’s the future. Maybe people react differently now.

At length, I actually enjoyed the story. It’s good.



It is a happiness to wonder; it is a happiness to dream.
— Edgar Allan Poe