Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
The time is ticking a w a y
I don’t know what is happening
Why is the time ticking and I’m tocking
Please help me understand
What is time?
The time is ticking a w a y
Please help me
I’m ticking a w a y
The t i m e is leaving m e
Don’t leave me, please...
The time is ticking a w a y
Why do I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow
Why does the time seem slow
Why is the time go by without a notice
Why do I feel sorry for nothing?
The time is ticking a w a y
Life is short
Why does it just tick away
Why not stay and be happy
Why not stay and be happy
Why not stay and be happy
Why bother being sad
The time is ticking a w a y
Why do you not listen to my words
Am I even here
Do I even exist
Do you know where I am
Can you help me?
The time is ticking a w a y
Is there still objects of mine here
Am I just a ghost anymore
Do I still have a connection
Do you know where I am
Why do you see others and not me?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I like the verses of the poem and I bet it's a really nice one I 'ii say. In reviewing your piece of art, I would like to say that you tried, but as imperfect as we are, there are things I hold against the write up.
First of all, the arrangement and meter of the poem is not like it, but although that's your business and you can choose to arrange your work in whatever style you want, but not to the detest of the reader, as many may not be able to get the message, especially when the words are oversepetated and linked out of surgery proportion.
Again I would like to point out the altitudinal arrangement of your words and sentence. Most of the lines are unrhymically and grammatically incorrect, like the third stanza and the rest which I won't point out for some reasons.
You know, I'm not all good, but I believe I could and would be a better writer than i am at the moment. I'm impressed that your repetitions were appropriately placeable.
You just keep the spirit up and it keeps flowing down stream.
Hi/ Namaste
Its really hard to understand time. When we want to save every minute, it is just passing by as we are thinking how to save it.
I really liked the way you have expressed yourself in this poem. How difficult it feels when time kept on moving away out of our governence, which it never ever was and will be.
Not just the idea of feelings behind it, but also the way you have spaced your letters give a complete understanding of what is going on your head.
But it's just one thing that you added being nothing in the end. I didn't understood why you said that? Being a ghost and lifeless.
Because in my opinion if we are dead, than there is no time bounding us, it is just the human surviving phase where the thing called time worries us.
It was just a confusion, don't mind if you didn't understood this.
In any way it was so relatable and amazing.
Keep writing
Thankyou/ Dhanyavad
Hello @Pokeberry111! I can really relate to this poem, I love how it expresses the feelings I feel. I don't about you but I used to be sad a lot and being a teen-only made it worst. It seemed like it wasn't just written by ink or a computer by your heart and emotion. I love it!
Suggestion
I don't think this stanza makes sense with "anymore" Do you mean"Am I just a ghost"?
*Just pointing out stuff no need to think about it if you mean what you meant and it's just me not getting it*
Do you mean "I'm not tocking" here? It makes sense both ways but I was just wondering.
I think it's a wonderful way of writing how you use "tick" and "tock" to express. I just loved reading it and I hope things get better for you. It sometimes gets better for me.
Keep on writing, no matter what!
~Chris
In case you ever need someone to review your writing
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Hey there! MapleWay here with a quick review!
This was a cool little poem! It had a lot of repetition which I ended up liking a lot in the end! It helped the whole "ghost of time" vibe. I could definitely hear the spooky voice of the narrator.
Here I would change it to, "Why is the time ticking and why am I tocking" I think this would make the overall message a lot better. It keeps the repetition vibe going as well. If you don't want to change this then that's completely fine! It's just a suggestion!
Anyways great poem! Can't wait to see more from you!
Hello comrade!
Wow, I relate to this poem on a whole other level. Life really is just ticking away, the days and years are shorter, the expectations of others has long risen beyond my goals, goals that I could never reach in the first place.
Anyway its a great poem, I can tell it comes from the heart and that makes the poem more than just a poem.
Not much else to say other than great work.
Keep writing!
-brotherGeo