please do not talk to me.
i am small, a child
and i have nothing of value to say.
let me be, let me live
on my lonesome.
the wall is much more interesting
than you, anyways.
please talk to me.
i am taller, a teen
and i have so much i need to tell the world.
let me shout, let me scream
from the rooftops.
the edgy is much more epic
than the mainstream, anyways.
please do not talk to me.
i am grown, an adult
and i have everything that i could ever need.
let me thrive, let me stay
in my condo.
the swivel chair is much more pleasing
than the cubicle, anyways.
please talk to me.
i am hunched, an elder
and i have no idea what is going on.
let me know, let me love
these strange faces.
the sofa is much more comfortable,
than the coffin, anyways.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,699 Literary Works • 672,249 Reviews
Hi there Plumeǃ
I liked this poem when you first published it and decided to swing back to come and appreciate it some more. ːD I find it a very moving piece, as we see different stages of human life being presented. The speaker or speakers (I can imagine they might not all be the same person) have an engaging voice that commands one’s attention, even though in terms of language they seem to be asking (“please”). The last stanza definitely leaves an impression and was the one I had the most emotional reaction to. My favourite lines were from that one:
It makes me think of an elderly person with memory issues who is struggling to recognise their loved ones. The “let me . . ., let me . . .” structure also conveys the speaker’s longing and maybe even desperation, but in a quiet, understated way. The poem in general has a kind of quiet tone, maybe because of all the lower case and the regularity of the rhythms.
Speaking of which, I like the repeated patterns throughout the piece, because the regularity helps tie everything together and also highlights the differences in the stages of life described. Since they share an overall pattern, the changes become more noticeable, if that makes sense. I noticed on the second read that “do talk” and “do not talk” alternate, which gives me the impression that human life is kind of fickle, and reflects how you move in and out of different phases and different wants.
On the whole, I think the poem focuses more on direct statement plus creating the changes in voice between the life stages. The child kind of has a simple perspective on things. They want to “live” and “be” and stare at the wall. Meanwhile, the teenager becomes a lot more active, with strong verbs like “shout” and “scream”. There’s also a more specific sense of place in the one image here, the “scream . . . from the rooftops”. When looking at it a second time, I find that the child almost sounds a little ‘old’, with the line “i have nothing of value to say”. I thought it was a little strange at first. However, I think it’s there to maintain the consistency of the voice over the stanzas, or maybe to voice a secret thought a child might have but phrased more eloquently than the child can practically express.
I wonder how the poem might look with more sensory description. I don’t think there’s a need for much figurative language like similes, etc. here, because for me at least the straightforwardness adds to the poem’s appeal and emotional impact. Adding some sensory detail and a sense of place using literal language might be interesting though, for example in the lines:
I really like the personality being shown here but “edgy” and “mainstream” are a little abstract compared to say, the “condo” and the “swivel chair” described in the adult stanza. I wonder if there are concrete objects or activities you might associate with edginess and mainstreamness. Like graffiti versus watercolour, or punk rock versus pop music.
Overall, I thought this poem was great because it conveyed this sense of uncertainty or fogginess in its language and form. The arrangement of the commas and the line breaks combined with the lower case and quiet-sounding voice don’t make it sound like a ‘declaration’ or anything like that, but rather a slow movement from one stanza to the next. I’m thinking especially of the lines:
Despite the regularity of the pattern, I definitely hadn’t expected to read that, and it really kind of crystallises the narrative of the poem. From what I gather, it’s about how humans want different things at different stages of life, without ever really ‘knowing’ what they ‘really’ want and kind of just going along with the flow. The only exception to this is maybe the adult, but I feel with the “swivel chair . . . than the cubicle” line, the adult also expresses this kind of shrugging attitude, as though they just like staying in their condo because the other option is an unpleasant office job.
Hopefully some of this is helpful, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim
Thank you so much for the review!! I also really love your suggestion about the teen stanza%u2014I'll for sure implement it!! Once again, thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed!
Hey there!
I typically do not read much poetry but the title caught my interest and I enjoy narrative.
So, would you believe the term, coffin, was an earlier term? A coffin, as it was called, was a complete sealed box. A casket on the other hand is covered about half way up, and the top provided a latch or a window to easily view the recently passed person. (Yes, I am full of macabre, pointless facts). When I saw ‘coffin’ I was like, “Ohhh…,” and got all giddy because I am a nerd like that. Apologies.
Oddly, or perhaps, not, the narration presented screamed The Byrd’s, ‘Turn, Turn, Turn.’ 🤷🏻♂️ 🙂
Loved it.
I'm glad you enjoyed, and that's an interesting factoid about coffins/caskets! I always thought they could be used interchangeably. I think I used coffin there just to have the nice sound play with the f in both sofa and coffin, but it's nice to have that additional unintentional allusion of age there! Thank you so much for your review!
Hey, there! This is a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Your look into the different stages of life is fascinating. I found it interesting to discover what you express as the perceived needs of each when it comes to socializing. It also goes to show how our needs, tastes, and moods can fluctuate over the years.
I like how the stanza on childhood reflects the idea that a young child is not super aware of his or her surroundings yet, and is perhaps inclined to perceive life as revolving around him or herself. In a way, the individual at this stage could be seen as somewhat of a blank slate.
The stanza on the teen years feels emotional and impactful. Even though you didn't describe any particular examples of the "edgy" mentioned here, your use of words like "let me shout, let me scream," do very well to depict an individual who is full of thoughts and feelings that just need to spill out. From the perspective you've taken, the person at this stage would be very interested in having someone notice and invest in them.
I like how the adult stage expresses a sense of independence. I personally get somewhat of an image of a younger adult who thinks they have everything figured out and feels like life is made. I also can very much relate to the sense of disenchantment with the surrounding world; it can all be so much that solitude actually becomes preferable.
Finally, I appreciate how you bring out the need for respect for elders. Although you didn't mention that directly, you've conveyed the thought that elderly folks don't want to feel left out from the world. In this stanza, I see an individual who fears the world moving on without them and forgetting their value. Sometimes they just want the company of another caring person with a listening ear.
You've done well with the organization of stanzas and lines. It could perhaps flow just a little more smoothly, but it would essentially require some restructuring. Anyway, I think it's pretty good as it is. I really love the unifying theme you use by threading a similar thought through the last two lines of each stanza. Really great job with this.
Thanks for sharing this lovely work. Keep writing!
Thank you so much for your review! I really loved reading your interpretation!