Chapter 2: Rose
All these faces were hard to encounter on demand. Only the princess had a power to do that. The dungeon didn’t even look like a dungeon. There were plush red curtains and drapes hanging from the 40 or 50 foot window in the main grounds, more and more chandeliers hung from the ceilings and the floors were made of pure marble from the hometown across the city.
As the princess led me through multiple rooms, she stopped at a particular one. She hesitated before adapting her stern knuckles to the door board numerous times. She dis-connected her hand from it and someone slowly opened the door. A thin girl, probably about thirteen years old stood there. Red hair, blue eyes, and freckles with dimples associated with a few large beauty marks on her neck and above her rose red lips. I froze seeing her. She looked like trouble.
“Yes?” The girl asks, glancing back into her room. I could amazingly hear footsteps, from different people inside of that room and I guess the princess did too because, she glanced inside as well.
“May we come in Rose?” The princess asks her voice high and somewhat annoying.
The girl, Rose, nods slowly before creaking the door wide open and stepping to the side to let us through. This place was just like Fox’s room.
I waited for the princess to sit down first, and with no surprise she did. I sat next to her, staying mute until the girl sat across from us, waiting for the princess to speak.
“So this is our newborn,” She motions to me. “Violet is her name. Fox turned her—,” before she could finish the girl interrupted.
“Wait, hold up here… Fox? The person that is the assassin here?” She clarifies, somehow interested in the topic.
The princess slowly nods, unsure of where this is going. To be honest, I didn’t have a clue myself.
“Carry on,” The girl motions for a quicker explanation.
“As said, she is a newborn. I need you to show her around. I’ve showed her to basics, I just need you to show Violet where all the training rooms are and such,” she continues as asked.
Rose rolls her eyes as if she saw a fly in the air and was following it’s every move.
“Fine,” she sighs, looking at me up and down. I shifted uncomfortably and looked away, still staying mute. Rose opens her mouth to say something again when another guy walks in. Brown eyes, blonde hair, combat boots, gloves and a few freckles over his nose.
“Hey Aster,” Rose greets with a smile. Aster’s eyes land on me and I shift again, feeling the need to go curl up in a ball and die.
“Hey, Rose. Who’s this? Haven’t seen her around.” He asks. He clearly hasn’t have had puberty yet.
“This is Violet. The newborn of the kingdom,” the princess answers for her.
The man nods. “Yes well, I’m Aster,” He says holding his hand out. I hesitantly shake it, unsure.
“Nice to meet you,” I reply.
He flashes a smile before turning back to the awkward princess next to me. “Clove, you mind showing me where you hid the potion? It’s the only way for Sammy to do well on her test, and you love her so I was thinking you could—,” He doesn’t have time to finish before the princess—Clove? --- interrupts him and nods.
“Yes, yes the potion. Rose, show Violet around, please,” She orders before walking off with Aster.
I sigh and Rose flicks her head to me, her blue eyes somehow crawling their way inside my very soul. I shifted uncomfortably. Again.
This kingdom was interesting, to be honest. Vampires live here. And apparently I am one. My thirst grew bigger and my eyes turned to a deep crimson.
“You thirsty?” She asks standing and walking to her kitchen. She opened a cabinet and out came bags…and bags of blood. I almost puked, but a part of me was exited.
“Drink this,” She hands me two bags and I hesitantly take it, studying the liquid. I sink my fangs into the bag and delight filled my body. I took three minutes worth of blood and pouted when I realized there wasn’t any left.
“Don’t worry,” She comforts me. “Feeding hour is in an hour.”
I nod, flashing a smile. She isn’t half bad.
Just then, night hit and everything went completely dark. Shadows passed through the hallways outside the door and I shuddered.
“Is night time always this creepy around here?” I ask, glancing around with mystery.
She shrugs. “Use your night vision and it won’t be as creepy.”
Night vision?
I concentrated my eyes and something in my mind clicked, now I could see perfectly in the darkness.
Everything went silent…before we heard the princess scream.
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140,106 Literary Works • 673,010 Reviews
Hey Pix, here to review.
I congratulate you for the interesting twist at the end, although I have some minor issues with this.
The opening sentence seems rather irrelevant, as you immediately delve into a description of the not-really-a-dungeon (speaking of which, is it possible to import a whole floor? xD).
Right, notwithstanding the fact that 'dungeon' really isn't an appropriate term (even though your character mentions that), there's some wording here that could be improved.
'Adapting' really isn't correct, now is it? Try 'pressing', 'rapping', or just 'she knocked numerous times' xD. Also, 'stern' is unusual, applied to knuckles, don't you agree? I don't see what you mean by it, so I really can't provide better synonyms. Also, what do you mean by 'associate'?
Moving on.
I know, just a nitpick, but that sentence might need a couple of commas somewhere, possibly after 'in' and 'ask'. /just a thought.
Nit-pick #2:
That 'with no surprise' seems somewhat 'ugh', if you ask me. Try 'unsurprisingly', or 'not to my surprise', or something of the sort.
The goth drama dude in me ( viz - me xD) was rather dissapointed at this. Bags of blood? Why not... I dunno, canisters, containers... I don't know. Don't traditional vampires keep virgins in skimpy silk dresses around for that purpose? xP
Speaking of which, you might have wanted to play up her emotional state - which, granted, you did. I mean, it's the poor girl's first time feeding! What were her reactions, in depth, afterwards? Shock at her new self? Revulsion? A sick and twisted desire for more?
Love the ending! Still, either 'focus' your eyes or just 'concentrate'. Eyes don't concentrate. Or I guess you can squint.
Hope this helped,
~Ita