I fly, My fly
Though the sky so high
I become so a miracle from a cloud
but I wait I just wait, not so loud.
Can you feel me,
My fly
High
I say goodybye
to my cry
While I am on my fly
High
I say goodbye.
While the rain will rain
I feel my pain
the sky will fly with me.
Can you feel me,
My fly
High
I say goodybye
to my cry
While I am on my fly
High
I say goodbye.
. JUST SEE MY FLY.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi Pix! I've decided to review some stuff of yours today, cause, I'm bored and I need some points!
What we are going to review in this review:
1)When to capitalize
2) Proofreading
3) Quotation marks
4) how a question should end
5) repetitiveness
6) Rhyming
7)Variety
Okay, above I said: These are the points we're going to review in this review, so let's get on that.
1)When to capitalize
Okay, you should know this. You capitalize when it's the end of a sentence, a location, proper noun OR when it's a date.
i.e. November,23 or I ate soup.Did you eat soup today? Or, Drury Lane
I'm pretty sure you know this, and you just didn't proof read well, or missed it, but it was one of the points I noticed you need work on.
2) Proofreading
Like I said in my previous review, You HAVE to proof read. have too.
3) Quotation marks
In some places (see above) you didn't have commas, question marks etc. you HAVE to have the correct quotation marks. Rules with commas, and such are a little hard to master (I still have trouble with it sometimes) but the basic rule is: When there should be beat/pause and it's not the end of a sentence, put in a comma. We'll correct you if it's wrong. Question marks, Exclamation points, and Periods are not hard to master.
So, let's use so examples.
I am so excited! -I used an exclamation point there because, it's an exclamation.
I don't care. -I used a period because it is nether an exclamation or a question.
I don't understand? - I used a question mark here, because it was a question.
4) how a question should end
A question should end with a Question Mark. No arguments.
5) repetitiveness
You are way to repetive. Making it repeat itself doesn't make the poem good. It just makes it long and drawn out and boring. So, if you have to repeat basically the same lines over and over again, don't.
6) Rhyming
You don't have to Rhyme when your writing a poem. I have never posted a poem that purposely rhymed. I'm not that kind of writer. You have to be a VERY good poet to write with rhyming and it look good. Here, I wish you hadn't. I really do.
7) Variety
You have no variety. None whats so ever. it's the word fly and cry over and over again. GIVE US SOMETHING. Give us a
I soar even! Here's what you need to do. Get out a thesaurus, and look up fly. See how many substitute words there are for fly. There are bunches I'm telling you. Your wordprocesser may even have one built in! Find out.
Okay, that's all I got for ya!
~Drama
sorry, to say but it was kinda bad. First of all it does not make sense what so ever and I can tell your trying to rhyme and you are but it sounds forced. Here is a pointer a poem does not have to rhyme to be a poem. The poem is hardly a structure it is hardly held together by some words that rhyme. I have to agree with another reviewer that it is kind of childish. Either you are like me where you try and something good out of nothing and just are letting words fly. Or you have no idea what you are doing. Seriously trying not to be mean about it because being mean is well mean. Catch you later!
Try to work on your punctuation here!
I think a lot of this could be reworded, you really need to reread it.
Okay, I'd really hate to agree with the others, but this poem do really need some serious work done. Overall, the poem didn't really made sense, to me at least. So concentrate less on rhyming and making the poem make sense, nicely structured and have meaning. And the two last reviewers have spotted out all the problems, I think. So, keep writing! Don't give up. Everyone needs a bit of practice. Really, practice makes perfect.
Hi Pixie. Lavvi in to review your poem for you today.
So. Let's get to the review.
A) Rhyme time. So, you're rhyming, obviously in this poem. However, you must be really good at it to pull it off professionally, and, as I hate to say this, your poem seems really juvenile because of the very simple rhyming structure. You're repeating words (Fly, High) and the rhymed words are so simplistic that it ruins the piece that could have some potential. Elaborate more and your rhyming could be better. You might even have to pass by rhyming altogether for the moment...just work on the basis of poetry for now.
B) Develop your vocabulary. Numerous times you use words like "fly" and "high" over and over and over again. It tends to create a rather dull sense of the poem and easily boring for the audience. Perhaps incorporate words like "soar", "grand" and "eminent". A thesaurus is handy in cases like this one
C) Record sensible thingy that fabricate sense stuffs. As in, make sense when you write poetry. THe whole poem was really weird:
What on earth do you mean by this? I don't really know...
Yours,
Lavvi
Sorry, but I really don't like this at all. It's very simple and seems like a 6 year old wrote it. I only say that because there aren't enough details on:
1) who the speaker is
2) why the speaker is flying
3) the views seen in the fly
4) where the speaker is flying to or from
and the rhymes are used several times. I really don't know what the poem is even referring to. Sorry, don't mean to sound mean, just trying to help your writing. Try again!
this is my poem. Do you like it. I know its not the best but. I think It is ok.
~Pixie2~