Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
"Rayan , Rayan,Rayan" the whole stadium of Gurukul High is echoing with the cheers of the students.kuhu heard the cheers as soon as she entered the school.
Here, let's give the intro of our female lead. Kuhu Lama, a cute girl resides at Assam Guwahati,and is the only child of her father . Despite being her cuteness she was always judged by others, because she is a little chubby .She is admitted to one of the best schools of Assam ,thanks to her grades . Though she is not choosing the path of common academics , she wants to make good use of the boom that God gifted her . Yes she wants to become a singer .
There are three types of people in the world. First, who only cares about a person's looks , the second one who looks into someone's personality and heart to understand the person , and the last is those who don't care about both of them ,they only care about their needs and how to use others to fulfill them . Unfortunately Kuhu only met with the first kind of people. That's why she had to receive many mean compliments about her looks , but that doesn't affect her singing.
Now she is standing in front of the gate of the Gurukul Art Highschool ( in short Gurukul High) . Now she entered the school with an expectation of a perfect life. She was wondering where these loud cheers are coming from Suddenly the bounce of the girls came across her left side and dragged her to the stadium. Her new uniform ruined her already shabby hair and became more of a mess. She suddenly screwed -----
" Oi, aponabo choku nocil neki?"
Which means did you have no eyes ?.Rubbing her clothes she stood up from the highest erands of the stadium.
Suddenly her eyes stopped moving, she
Can't feel her breath anymore . Her two big black eyes stuck to a boy holding the basketball high up to her head commanding his nearmost teammates, suddenly he flung over and passed the ball to another teammate overhead from the opponent. Kuhu came down the stairs
And stood in the front line of the audience
Pushing out all the other students, (most of the girl students) .
She has to keep looking upward because of her short height to get a better look at that boy. But the most surprising thing is that all between these chaos her eyes never set off from that boy almost
185 cm tall , fair skinned and not seems to be an Assamese at looks. His brown hair keeps flying when he jumps to grab the ball or even run towards the basket. The most attractive part of his face is his two dense brown eyes which makes his sharp face look like a Greek sculpture made by a passionate artist.
Kuhu only finds out when he suddenly looks at her and their eyes meet. Kuhu in her inner thoughts ----
"Is he really looking at me ? OMG ,please God kill me now.wait what is he saying? Move , but why ? is everyone staring at me ?"
Kuhu is so focused on exploring his beauty that she doesn't realise when the ball flung towards her after accidentally dodged by a player. At last she realises but it was too late for her. The ball hit her head and she fell on the floor and her glasses almost broke .
"Off Kuhu you're such a stupid perfect life , rubbish you will remain the stupit nurd. Ahhh"
The Greek God walked into the audience and extended a hand of solitude more like a hand of a perfect crush to Kuhu . She says in her inner thoughts ------
"Oh my god , am i in the spotlight, playing the lead character? Should I grab his hand ? "
"Come on fast , get up"
"Ok I will and hold on to it till the last breath of my life ".
Kuhu held his hand and got up. There is a saying in India that God is also a very humourous person who sets up every situation ironically or makes it more exciting. Here it works as well . Kuhu slipped while getting and our pretty grabbed her ,almost hugged her everyone was whispering and making jealous sounds . The stadium almost dived into a pin drop silence .
Kuhu doesn't realise when that man left and the match begins once again
Until now she didn't pay any attention but now she finally focused on the game. Last time it was a time over so both the teams had to shoot the ball to score points for their team .
It was a match between 9th vs 10th standard and it was a 15/15 tie .The refari blew the whistle and the most powerful player from the 10th standard . The famous bad boy of the school David Laurence.
Maybe it is the first time when she paid attention to another boy after Rayan's leave . If Rayan is a Greek God then devoid is Jack from 'Titanic' or a spoiled marketer from France.
He has hazel eyes bright white complexion black longer than usual in contrast with that . He wears silver earrings and cross chains. His beauty can be compared with the phrase " Terrifying Beautiful".
He walked to the point and pulled the ball overhead , ge lifted his ankle a little bit , without moving from his position, his eyes kept are focused in the basket
Which shows his expertise . Right after that he shot the ball without hesitating for a moment. The result was as expected it was a big win. Now it is a tense situation for the juniors .
After a minute discussion they decided to send a boy named Raghu He is shorter than the other boys and has big curly hair , his eyes reflect intelligence. Everyone thought it might be Rayan , so some are a bit tense in the audience. the boy held the ball and took 5 sec to set the target , and shoot the target . Again it was a hit but it was unexpected .
Now it's a tie and the other boy from 10 th missed the shoot. It is the perfect chance for the juniors to win the match. Now everyone wants Raghu to make the move but soon he realises that if he doesn't make it then everyone will make him feel guilty, so he refuses to go now. Everyone noticed there were some arguments in the team . Now the only one that can be believed is Rayan . As soon as he came out everyone started shouting. But when he came to the point everyone became silent . Anyone can tell that he is nervous , as a team captain it is more important for him to score the point. He stood at the point for a while and may be searching for clear motivation. Suddenly a scream broke out......
"Rayaaaaaan you can do it. I known you can fonit ".
Yes it is our Kuhu . Everyone stayed at as well as Rayan . He smiled at her and clinched his fist. Now look at the target confidently. He shoots the ball and it hits the board then again in the adge of the net . Everyone stopped breathing for a moment kuhu almost cried . After three bounces it falls on the net .
"Gooooooooal"
Almost everyone shouted at the moment. The teachers principal who are there just for show until the climax they all hugged the Sports teacher and put all the juice into the match. Also big sighs and discouraged voices passed from the senior supporters. Some juniors teased the 10 th batch and a little action formed there.
Among all these incidents two pairs of eyes meet each other calmly but too much passion is there. Rayan can't look away even when the others lift him for cheers. Another pair of hazel eyes is also looking at that unnoticed incident and smriked a bit.
Kuhu inner thoughts--------
" Yes , it's a perfect start for a new life . Is it called perfect love ? Yes it is .
TO BE CONTINUED..........................
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Hi Phonix! Belated welcome to YWS
I hope you're enjoying the site so far. I'm here to give a quick review to this piece.
I like this as an introduction, but I do think these two paragraphs feel a little disjointed. We're starting with a character intro and the switch to the more overarching intro feels a bit jarring.
The introduction of Kuhu's character also feels a bit fragmented. To improve, it might help to provide a more comprehensive introduction - this would include things like weaving in her personal attributes, background, and motivations more. We have a lot of 'telling statements' rather than 'showing'. For example, Instead of explicitly telling readers that Kuhu has faced judgment, consider showing instances where she's judged, allowing readers to draw the conclusion themselves.
There's the beginnings of some good characterisation here, and I think these characters will be good ones to build on as you go through the novel. Going forward though, instead only describing Rayan and David's physical appearances, maybe add some of their actions, personalities, or thoughts to make the characters a little more rounded.
I see Cassie's mentioned grammar below so I won't touch on that, but please let me know if you'd like this part expanded on
This looks interesting as a first chapter and first draft - I look forward to seeing what you do with it!
Icy
Hey LP here! I would just like to say this is a very interesting concept! I would however like to point out that your grammar mistakes do kind of wreak the flow while reading. Something I did to help me format better was to put it into grammerly and have someone proof read. That is something we can always improve on and i'm looking forward to what else you offer. If you'd like any other advice let me know and i'm here to help.
-LP