Memories

Hey there, Phoenix23. Scarlett here to review your poem. ^^

This is a wonderful poem. I adore it. Truly brilliant. I can really relate to the feeling it gives off. The flow is wonderful! And I have no nitpicks, except for one. The whole one tear thing? It's really, really cliched. Seriously, try taking out "A tear" and changing it to "And tears". I'm not fond of the who one-tear thing in stuff. I feel it almost ruins the poem and I see it so much, it no longer has any effect on me. Like I said, one tear? Who on earth cries one, single tear? Like I suggested, try changing it. I'm sure it'll make the poem that little bit better. Either way, I really like. It's brilliant, like I said before, and I adore it. ^^ Also, you're lacking punctuation. It might help to have it.

Overall. This is a brilliant and slightly bittersweet poem. And I adore it, I know I've already said that, but still. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and brilliant poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!

~Scar.

Old and worn, she looks in the mirror;
Beside it, in a golden frame,
stands a beautiful face.
Eyes, so full of dreams and hops
now tell a tale of misery. - NOW IT MAKE SENSE!
Beautiful, full lips,
curved into a charming smile,
now cracked and wasted.
Lithe, graceful limbs,
now tired with age.
A tear falls down the wrinkled face
in remembrance
Of another era.

Old and worn, she looks in the mirror;
Beside it, in a golden frame,
stands a beautiful face:
Eyes, so full of dreams and hopes
now tell a tale of misery;
Beautiful, full lips,
curved into a charming smile,
now cracked and wasted;
Lithe, graceful limbs,
now tired with age.
A tear falls down the wrinkled face
in remembrance
Of another era.(I'd write time)

I loved your poem, old age is a hard, scary thing.
I liked how you caught the moment in this poem, it was really lovely- and this poem is really beautiful.
You should be really proud,
SubjectBlue

Hmm, I'm curious as to why your decided to put this in Lyrical Poetry. As interesting as it is, it definitely tells a story as opposed to something that is whimsical. I get a definite impression of theme or, at least, a dramatic irony.

But, of course, I will review this either or. The decision was yours, after all.

That being said, I love the juxtaposing images of youth and aging. They give a very prominent and strong theme which makes for interesting poetry. Of course, because this theme is so strong, it is often done many times and all differently, but that difference is what makes it wonderful.

I fear, though, that as much as I liked the idea, you weren't exactly original about it.

You state your ideas blatantly. There is imagery, yes, but hardly any metaphor at all as if you wished to state a story or a feeling that comes with age without really thinking on poetic device and all the things that could make this distinctly you. Metaphor is one of our greatest allies as poets and we should use it to our best extent, which means using it frequently if not all the time is extremely necessary for a well developed piece of poetry. Without it, the poem comes across as too blatant. In that sense, it would be better off as prose.

So take this and cultivate it. Don't simply dwell on the thought but really spend your time coming up with parallels. Little, beautiful similes or metaphors like a dried apple (seeing as this reminded me of Snow White for some strange reason) or an aging tree. Compare her to something distinctly you and in that you'll create something amazing.

What I'm going to say is that this is great structure and that it has some interesting thoughts but no real substance. Create that substance and you'll have yourself a poem.

If you wish to confer with me on the said review, feel free to PM me at anytime.
~Walker

I really like this poem. I thought I wanted it to be longer, but it is truly perfect the way it is. I love your flow with words, and the comparison between her old age and young age. The one thing I wished I knew was what was in that photo frame? What was the picture of? Apart from that it is really great. My favourite lines are:

Phoenix23 wrote:A tear falls down the wrinkled face
in remembrance
Of another era

Cheers! Let's get to bussiness, shall we?
The imaginery you use here is rather good with its simplicity, there's no need to crack one's mind nor spend too much time on it. From what I see, you've put a lot of focus into small details, good job there.
However, I felt like slipping over rocks most of the time; you see, there's not even a glint of stable rhythm nor flow, it's just like a message with words restylized to poem frame, it's not any elegant enough to be easily remembered nor recalled. I'd read this poem just once and never recall upon it, I'd just remember that it has a good imaginery, but it's hollow - just a message. I'm not telling you to have a perfect and what not rhythm/flow, there are styles like "free verse" and many more. The magic of good flow is that it goes smoothly down one's throat ( mind ) and leaves a better impression. It also entertains more and as it's more entertaing to read, the reader's more likely to read it whole more than once and remember it. Writing's not a child's toy, but it's beautiful once understood and I hope you do =)
Good luck!
Kyou~

I actually wrote a similar poem yesterday! Quite a coincidence!
I like the form you've used in this poem, but I'm actually surprised at your choice of leaving out the punctuation. I think that as you've not capitalised the beginning of every line, you should have used a full stop to signify the end of a sentence, even if you've indicated that with a capital letter.
A good message, even though the poem was a little sad. Keep writing!