Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Lyrics » Fanfiction


I Dreamed A Dream in Class

by Pencil2paper


I dreamed a dream and time's gone by,
When hope was high in passing Independant Living,
I dreamed the class pet would never die!
I dreamed my teacher'd be forgiving.

Then I was a freshman and unafriad,
When homework passes were used and wasted,
There was no attention to be paid!
No homework undone, no glue untasted.

But the teachers come at night,
With their warnings soft as thunder,
As they tear your GPA apart,
And they turn your grade to sha-a-a-a-ame!

And still I dreamed it'd come to me,
That we wouldn't spend summer school together,
But there are dreams that cannot be! 
ASnd there are exams we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be,
So different from the F it's living,
So different now from what it seems!

Now the bell has killed the dream,
I dreamed


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
315 Reviews


Points: 17879
Reviews: 315

Donate
Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:04 am
Vincian wrote a review...



Here to Review!

My name is Omniyus, and I will be here to review to get you out of the green room! All kidding aside, I am here to review for you!

This poem is extremely funny! I liked how you created what you were doing(dreaming in this case) and, in this case, what you were dreaming about.

So, I was looking at your stanzas. I didn't know if you wanted to keep it the same rhyming pattern. The first and second stanza were ABAB, the third wasn't rhyming at all, the fourth was ABAB, but the last wasn't rhyming either. That's just nit-picky stuff that really is just something you don't need to listen to.

I loved this and, even though I don't like a lot of poetry, I will go back and read this over and over.

Hope this helps at all,
Omniyus




Pencil2paper says...


Thanks for the review Omniyus! As far as the stanzas go, I was trying to mimick the rhyming pattern of the song it's after, I Dreamed A Dream. Thanks again!



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 672
Reviews: 5

Donate
Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:35 pm
View Likes
IzzyKat says...



Its been ages since i've heard that song!
Feels funny to hear it after performing it on stage, Thanks!




Pencil2paper says...


That's cool that you preformed it. My aunt directed a high school preformance of the musical a few years back.



User avatar
161 Reviews


Points: 3068
Reviews: 161

Donate
Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:28 pm
View Likes
kayfortnight says...



Oh my god, Les Miserables!




Pencil2paper says...


I know, right?



User avatar
89 Reviews


Points: 1028
Reviews: 89

Donate
Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:01 pm
View Likes
Karzkin says...



This has been doing the rounds on tumblr recently.




User avatar
1198 Reviews


Points: 8897
Reviews: 1198

Donate
Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:15 pm
View Likes
Elinor wrote a review...



It's funny that I should come across this piece since "I dreamed a dream" has been stuck in my head. As a whole, rewriting songs is no easy task. I'll admit that I laughed in a few places, but as a whole I'm confused. Did you just write this for fun or was it for another purpose?

Anyway, the song you've decided to rewrite is definitely not a light one. That doesn't mean you can't write a silly song with the same tune, but I feel like this is more cut-and-replace then rewrite. One thing I've noticed in a lot of song rewrites is that the author can't think of words to replace a lyric, so they keep it as is. And that is certainly the case here.

Some of the lyrics you have are also confusing and they don't really make much sense.

When hope was high in passing Independant Living


What is this supposed to mean?

I dreamed my teacher'd be forgiving.


This is a good line, but it doesn't have any of the previous lines in the stanza. Think of the first stanza of the original song: I dreamed a dream and time gone by/When hope was high and life worth living/I dreamed that love would never die/I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

As you can see, each line in the stanza relates to the line previous it, and that's not the case here.

Then I was a freshman and unafriad


This line doesn't fit in with the tune. The original line is "Then I was young and unafraid" So instead of freshman, which is a two-syllable word, you should replace it with a one-syllable word.

But the teachers come at night


Why would the teachers come at night? Why wouldn't they come during the day, unless they're updating grades. I would be more specific, but right now this just feels like cut-and replace.

The rest of the stanza is good, but instead of spelling out shame the way it's sung, just keep as "shame". We'll know the tune, so we'll know how it's supposed to be said.

And still I dreamed it'd come to me


This is almost the same is the original song - I would try to think if you could find a different way to modify it. By the way, what is "it" supposed to be referring to?

Now the bell has killed the dream,
I dreamed


Why would the bell kill the dream? Doesn't the bell signify the end of class? :P I guess it also signifies the beginning of class, but the former is what I imagined, so you should probably try to think of a better word to replace it with.

Overall, you did a good job with this. Rewriting songs is no easy tasks! Hope this helps - feel free to PM me if you have any questions.




Pencil2paper says...


I guess I wasn't too clear on what I was trying to say. As far as the passing independant living, that is a class that is offered at the school that I go to. The teachers come at night was meant to mean that the teachers post things and e-mail you late at night and then get upset when they don't read the e-mails. As far as the bell, the narrator is supposed to be sleeping in class, so he would wake up when the bell rang. I understand that I did not do a great job at conveying my message and it may not be great with matching up to the original either. However, this is my first parody, so I expectd it to be rough and have many mistakes and criticisms. Thanks for the input!




And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley