Your Disguise, My Demise

I think the title goes well with the intention you're trying to convey here in your lyrical work. According to Google, disguise as a verb means to "give (someone or oneself) a different appearance in order to conceal one's identity" and as a noun means "the concealing of one's true intentions or feelings." I think your particular word choice to represent the abuser in this relationship is simple yet gets the job done. "Your Disguise" is - I am, of course, assuming - referring to the partner in this abusive relationship who is using their role as a concealment of their treatment towards their partner. Google states that demise means "a person's death" and "the end or failure of an enterprise or institution" as well as "convey or grant (an estate) by will or lease" and "transmit (a sovereign's title) by death or abdication." But I am assuming for this context of an abusive relationship/marriage, your intended usage of demise was to implement/hint at death and failure. "My Demise" is referring to - again, assuming - the partner in this abusive relationship who is on the receiving end of their partner's abuse. I think your particular word choice to represent the abused in this relationship is smart. Because it's in certain aspects true that being in an abusive relationship/marriage is felt to be death; it feels like death because of the atmosphere the abuser forces the abused and others to become tense - moves calculated and careful or else the abuser might just become triggered and explode. Although the physicality of the house they're living in may portray as bright and clean or happy and nothing out of the ordinary, on the inside of both the abuser and the abused, it's quite the opposite. For the abused, it is the fear of the unknown and the fear of when will their partner abuse them once more might increase by the moments, days, weeks, or months - that is like a ticking time bomb of death to them. It is the death and failure of a marriage that the abused feels while the abuser tightens the imaginary box of limitations and happiness from their abused partner. The intention behind the title of this lyrical work highlights an aspect of what an abusive relationship/marriage is like super well if the readers look more in depth into the lyrics and connect them with the title or simply from their own interpretations if they took a closer look. It's amazing what you can find if you truly listen/read the lyrics in-depth. Lovely job on the title.
- Lil, aka Halfhearted Amateur

I think the title goes well with the intention you're trying to convey here in your lyrical work. According to Google, disguise as a verb means to "give (someone or oneself) a different appearance in order to conceal one's identity" and as a noun means "the concealing of one's true intentions or feelings." I think your particular word choice to represent the abuser in this relationship is simple yet gets the job done. "Your Disguise" is - I am, of course, assuming - referring to the partner in this abusive relationship who is using their role as a concealment of their treatment towards their partner. Google states that demise means "a person's death" and "the end or failure of an enterprise or institution" as well as "convey or grant (an estate) by will or lease" and "transmit (a sovereign's title) by death or abdication." But I am assuming for this context of an abusive relationship/marriage, your intended usage of demise was to implement/hint at death and failure. "My Demise" is referring to - again, assuming - the partner in this abusive relationship who is on the receiving end of their partner's abuse. I think your particular word choice to represent the abused in this relationship is smart. Because it's in certain aspects true that being in an abusive relationship/marriage is felt to be death; it feels like death because of the atmosphere the abuser forces the abused and others to become tense - moves calculated and careful or else the abuser might just become triggered and explode. Although the physicality of the house they're living in may portray as bright and clean or happy and nothing out of the ordinary, on the inside of both the abuser and the abused, it's quite the opposite. For the abused, it is the fear of the unknown and the fear of when will their partner abuse them once more might increase by the moments, days, weeks, or months - that is like a ticking time bomb of death to them. It is the death and failure of a marriage that the abused feels while the abuser tightens the imaginary box of limitations and happiness from their abused partner. The intention behind the title of this lyrical work highlights an aspect of what an abusive relationship/marriage is like super well if the readers look more in depth into the lyrics and connect them with the title or simply from their own interpretations if they took a closer look. It's amazing what you can find if you truly listen/read the lyrics in-depth. Lovely job on the title.
- Lil, aka Halfhearted Amateur

This was a good poem/song, it was just a little confusing to me, I had to read it twice to understand, but I bet that this is definately what someone in that kind of situation would be thinking. This, whether it's a poem or song, definately has potential as a song. But after everything was all cleared up it was great! You write really great poems! Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more of them! Keep sharing them please!

As far as the lines "Why must you go away? Just not today...", what I was trying to covey was that he had to go because someone found out she was in an abusive relationship and took her away from him, but she doesn't want him to leave her. Guess I wasn't to clear about that, though. Also, as far as the repitition of happily, when I wrote it, I thought about that fading out and having a guitar or drum solo there, so I guess it was to show that her dream of them being happy together was fading, but I guess you can't really show that on paper... Anyway, I agree that the song could have been longer, and it could definitely use more work. Thanks for the tips!

Hey there!

Hm, these lyrics/poem left me a bit confused. I think you should clarify your meanings of some of the stanzas. Like in

"But why do you hate me?
Why do you love me?
Why do you loathe me?
Why do you degrade me, every day?
Why must you go away?
Just not today... "

I understand the questions, just not the last two lines. I don't think that "just not today" makes a lot of sense in the context that it is used. Also, some stanzes are a bit redundant.

"Sometimes I can't tell if you love me or not.
I remember all of the times we have fought.
I remember the confusion that your love brought.
Why we fought."

I don't think you have to use fought twice, maybe say something like "Why we did what we did" or something to indicate that you fight quite a bit.

"You are a mystery to me.
You are the only one that I see.
Just think how happy we could be,
If we lived together, you and me,
Together, happily.
Happily.
Happily."

There is know reason to repeat happily. I think it detracts from the overall meaning. If you wanted to stress that you could be happy, use different synonyms.
A few pointers, maybe make this longer? Maybe repeat the first stanza?
I did like the truth I saw in this poem, so keep writing.

~Epic