Look at you.
Is that how you’re leaving the house?
You’re sure about that? Is that really the best idea?
Great, so now you want to change your clothes? Again?
Is it something I said?
Is that your report? Can I read it?
I’ll only tell you it’s awful.
Oh, of course I know you spent three hours working on it.
Frankly, I don’t care.
You worked the entire evening? That’s too bad.
I hate it.
Now you’ll have to start over.
because you listen to me.
Kinda funny how it works, isn’t it?
How much you pay attention to me
You can’t see me,
you hear me even though I make no noise,
and you have no proof of my existence.
Yet you get my opinion more than anyone else’s
Whether or not you want it…
You need friends.
Here, I’ll help you make some.
And I’ll do that by making you think the worst of yourself,
remind you how much you deserve to be lonely
Because this method obviously shows how great of a person you are.
And if it doesn’t work,
I’ll be here to remind you that you have no friends ‘cause you’re unappealing
not because I shrunk you down and made you worthless.
What do you mean, you don’t want me here anymore?
After all I’ve done for you? This is how you repay me?
Fine, I’ll leave.
You’ll be lost without me,
but thanks for letting me live in your subconscious for a while...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,826 Reviews
Very well written. Definitely got my attention since the very first sentence. I am very glad we have this website to articulate our talents. Don't ever give up on your hopes and dreams, and never get discouraged. I hope that you will write more of this. love your style of writing!!
Thank you so very much for sharing.
Johanna =)
Hi there! Rose here for a review for you!
warning: I am not the best reviewer but I shall try!
I first off want to comment on how intrigued I was reading this. I loved how you used the narrator in a different way, it wasn't a person itself, but the dark thoughts of a person. That is a very creative way and perspective of writing this. When reading this, I felt as if I could really understand and connect with it. Everyone deals with self doubt so this seems to be a poem everyone can identify with. We often listen to the voices in our heads, rather than what the heart says.
This is a beautiful piece of work and I believe the style of poetry you used fit the poem and made it flow quite nicely.
Since you decided to use correct grammar throughout this poem, capitalizing each line made it a bit difficult. Of course when you make a new line in a poem it automatically capitalizes it, but since you are using correct grammar, it only makes sense to use correct capitalization as well. (Maybe this is just my point of view though)..
Overall, I just want to say that this poem was nicely written and I loved reading it in quite a different perspective and being able to relate the voices in my head to this. It caught my eye and after the first line, I was automatically tied in.
Good job! Keep up the good work and have a good day!
(hope you enjoyed my crappy review)I read the content without reading the title and I thought, 'Oh, it's a Monster'
The title is so appropriate. The poem itself is beautifully written!
Keep it up!
Hey! here for a review.
First off the bat, this is an astounding poem. I honestly, truly feel you have crafted a poem that accurately depicts a "mind monster". This poem can one hundred percent connect to a person's feelings. Beautifully written!!
Your punctuation is lacking all throughout the poem, especially after some lines. I also believe that if you added stanzas to group each little thought it would be easier to read. For example, you could make the first five lines a single stanza which explains the questioning about clothes.
Overall I love how you wrote this from a person's mind. The perspective is captured fantastically. This was a great poem I hope you keep up the good work, I also look forward to reading more!