I speak,not because you asked me
Not because, I need
Not because of her,not because of him
I heard the cries of your hungry minds
And those of your thirsty minds
My words inject knowledge in you minds.
But before I speak,I write
I use a pen like a needle to inject life and meaning on a piece of paper,words that cannot be silenced or unspoken.
Words which transforms into a language that the deaf can hear,and the blind can see.
Open your ears so that your mind can feed
The longer you listen,the greater the feast
You will feel like understanding has given you a kiss,and I hope you also speak
From your lips wisdom might escape,and I offer to listen
But
Right now I speak,not because you asked me,
Not because I need
Not because of her or him
But because I want to offer your mind a feast
Enjoy your feast.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
You have a very good voice for poetry. I can tell that you're really feeling this. However, I have a huge nitpick for you: PUNCTUATION. It feels as though you just rushed through this because I found many a typo and many a punctuation error. There should be a space after every comma. Also, a stanza should start on every new idea.
Keep it up! I really enjoyed this poem! Thank you
Thank you so much for not only taking the time to read my poem but also for reviewing it, I truly appreciate it!
Hey there! Welcome to YWS.
Biggest nitpick -- you've got a lot of punctuation errors in this! Every time you have a comma or a period, you need a space after it. Otherwise, everything looks crowded, and that's a sight for sore eyes. Plus, if you need another reason, it isn't grammatically correct.
An example --
This is what it should look like.
I highly suggest you edit this work and fix all the punctuation errors. It makes it so much easier to read when the words don't look crowded (especially since I'm claustrophobic)
Also consider giving this article a good read -- Commas
General nitpicks --
These two lines both fall flat. They feel unaccomplished. Consider adding in a "to" to the ends of both lines. It changes to
Makes more sense, see?
Take out that comma; it isn't necessary.
You need a comma after "From your lips"
That "But" seems rather weak on its own, don't you think? If you combine it with the next line, it'll make it stronger and will also flow easier. The abrupt break after "But" makes me think that I need to stop and take a breath, like it needs a rest. It doesn't. Consider combining them.
Overall -- This was a really good poem. You took the words and wove them in a way that was beautiful. I think this would be a really excellent piece of work once you fix all those ugly comma errors.
It was really beautiful, and I enjoyed it very much.
Happy Holidays!
-Iggy
Hey there! Wow I didn't realize that I made so many mistakes,and I will take all your advise and fix them! It is a little hard for me,as I only started learning English 2 years ago, but that is no excuse and I try to be more careful, and learn more! Thank you for taking the time to not only read my poem, but also for giving me such helpful constructive criticism
Hey, no worries! As long as you keep pursuing to learn, you'll be okay.
Everyone learns at their own pace.
Hi Peace! And that is a great name!
I am really new on reviewing other writer's work; so I haven't yet learned to be all critical about them and point out their faults. What I can do really is admire this wonderful piece you have written.
With this poem of yours, you speak for most if not all of us, I mean the young writers here. I might as well say that this poem has been quite inspirational for me and I think that this might as well influence my own writing.
"
I speak,not because you asked me
Not because, I need
Not because of her,not because of him
I heard the cries of your hungry minds
"
This was really a 'feast' for me. Thank you!
Hey there SWOPNIL
first I'd like to thank you for complimenting my name,that was very kind of you. I also want to tell you how happy you've made me by saying that my poem inspired you, that is my biggest aim,as a young writer, to inspire others! Finally I'd like to thank you for taking the time to not only read my poem but also put in the effort to write a review on it, I truly appriciate it 