Alas, as I ponder the result,
My heart is full of sorrow.
My spirit's overwhelmed;
In pity do I wallow.
Even though the consequence
Will not effect my record,
I am choked with disappointment,
A stressful, straining horde.
I no longer weep or mourn;
My tears are far spent
As I sit to pen this ode,
As I cry my deep lament.
Now, a decision is at hand,
A resolution to decree:
Not now nor in the future
Will I again receive a C.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That was quite humorous. You really captured what's it like to be a nerd and receive a lower that average grade on a simple quiz. I myself have had this to happen. This how I acted to. I'm not going to nitpick you on grammar because I believe a piece of work is great no matter the grammar use.But as long as you use still make it enjoyable and readable.The huge grammar mistakes however can't go unnoticed.The little things though are not very important.I really loved this piece.You did a good job.Good luck!!
Yay! You posted something! This makes me so happy. There were many part so this that made me laugh out loud, because I totally know people like this. I was part of the International Baccalaureate program in High School, and I remember people being severely disappointing over A-s, I shudder(Really actually, I would grab popcorn and watch without shame) to think what these people we do if they got Cs.
This was a cute little poem, and it's form fit perfectly. It was nice and neat and had a clear rhyme scheme, exactly what the subject matter needed. However, one thing I thought was interesting was that, for the most part, despite being in poetic form, it followed all the grammar rules. However, there were some exceptions.
If you wrote this normally. I no lounger weep or mourn; my tears are far spent as I set to pen this ode, as I cry my deep lament. Gramatically speaking, should be "and as I cry my deep lament." Now, the poem doesn't need to be fixed this way, but my question is this, would your narrator want it to be perfect? Maybe not, maybe the extra and ways it down and is unnecessary, it's totally your call.
Other little thing, should, "my deep lament" be "in deep lament"? Maybe not. Again, it's a little thing, my deep lament just seemed kind of weird.
So that's all. Reviewing poetry's not really my thing, I just like reading it.
I'd like to comment about the stereotypes, since somebody else brought them up. First, it think what made this poem so awesome is that it resonated with people. Almost everyone knows some like this, or maybe is this. Now, is it a stereotype? Yes. Could some people be offended by this? Yes. But isn't that what comedy is? If you've ever seen the Big Bang Theory, you'll know they play into every nerd stereotype possible, and they exaggerate all of them to the max. Yet, The Big Bang Theory is one of the most successful comedy shows on TV. Why? Because that's what comedy is. it makes fun of people, situations, ideas. It's meant to laugh at people's pain, it's meant to be satirical, otherwise we wouldn't enjoy it.
I'll get off my soapbox now. My conclusion is I loved it and I don't think there's anything wrong with the subject.
Thanks!! Yeah the grammar is wrong but I don't really care. Is that bad? If it was a story it would be bad but it's a poem. And it's not an important poem so should I care?
Haha thanks I didn't want to mock other people's pain tho. I hope it didn't seem too much that way. I was the person who got the C... XD
No, if you don't care then your all good. A no, it was a pretty mild poem, just laughs, so you're all good.
"You're all good" must be a thing for me...
No don't worry about it. You're all good. XD
OMLET (Oh My Extremely Lovely Eucalyptus Trees also known as my way of saying OMG), that was my entire life in one poem. Thank you for expressing the feelings of all our fellow nerds out there!!!
Haha nice. But it's omLEt not omELt lol. Omlet needs some work but yeah, cool!!! Anyway, you're welcome haha. XD
Thank you for the spelling corrections. I wondered at first, but I guess it'll just be minus the Extremely for now. No biggie.
Haha actually I just now looked it up and it does have two E's. I was just going off the first way you spelled it lol wow...
Heh Heh. I just realized that too!!!!! I noticed when I spelled it your way it got the red line under it so I just spelled it my way HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Yeah sometimes I'm dumb.. Kinda weird for a nerd haha!!
Nerds rule and NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT!!!!!!!!!
Hello, PassionateReader, I haven't seen you around much. Better start the frenzy now!
This syllable scheme (is that even real?) is very catchy, and I appreciate the nice rhyme scheme as well. One thingI don't like is a change in the syllable scheme. It would flow better if it were
"My spirit is so overwhelmed..."
Instead of
"My spirit's overwhelmed..."
Read it if you don't believe me. I'm telling you, it would be better. Yet another mistake, in another space later afterwards, takes place and prevents your poem even more from entering the National Writing Competition, which isn't even real. Why is there all capitalized lines? Some people don't mean to do that, and I'm sure you didn't, but even though this is common, it is unacceptable for me. Go change those letters after commas/no punctuation, it is what's best for you. If you don't, you will also receive a bunch of angry posts on your wall, which you won't like.
This piece was good and funny overall those nitpicks, and you are really good at perspicuity. Just keep working on sharp eyes and cleaning things up, and you'll do fine in your future job as an author!
-wisegirl22
This poem is utterly fabulous. As a nerd myself (!) I find this relatable and completely truthful. I found it almost humorous (in a good way!) how the majority of the poem is deeply melancholy and dramatic, and then the weight is lifted in the last line. I am in love with this poem; I chuckled to myself when I finished reading it, partly because it was funny but also because it is absolutely accurate! Definitely one of my favourites, very well done.
Aw thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only nerd out there
Hey, Reader! Writer here to give a review
I’m so glad you posted one of your works. I’ve been meaning to read something of yours. And look at that, it’s in the spotlight too:) Great job!
So I’ll dive right in a talk about nitpicks first, okay?
Nitpicks!
Wrong one
So even though I’m not a big fan of semicolons, you should probably put one after “disappointment.” The only reason I say this is because you have already used a semicolon in the correct way in this poem.
Therefore, in order to keep consistency, you should place a semicolon here.
I don’t think the comma after “Now” is necessary here :/
A comma after “Now” here would work, and then a comma after “future” if you choose to add those commas
So I like this! I don’t think it’s stereotypical, because I can connect to it, and poems aren't just about conveying a message or feeling, but to have people connect to it. I say that, because I have been angry before for just receiving a B on something. Crazy, right? It’s normal among those really smart, control freaks (me) who want a perfect record. You know, all A’s and everything. So that’s why I really liked this. I think the ending was good
I think, just to add more confusion and suspense before you reveal the real reason as to why you’re sad, you should take out “record.” That kind of tells us it might be about school. So maybe, “Even though the consequence
Will not make a dent”
or something along those lines. Just keep us guessing until the end
Overall, well done! Congrats again for getting in the spotlight and keep writing
See ya later, Reader
the coincidence is still so awesomeQuestion on the semicolon thing. I was trying to use "A stressful, straining horde" as an appositive of disappointment. So still a semicolon? It's not a big deal, but should I use semicolons for appositives? And you're totally right about the comma thing. I wrote this kinda fast and didn't consider details like that
. And yes. It still is awesome. 
Funny that WRITER is READing the work that READER WROTE
Try saying that 10 times fast. Lol I can't...
XD I think using the semicolon is fine, but I wouldn't worry about it
*fails at saying that super fast*
Hi PassionateReader,
The poem is good in its use of vocabulary and structure. However I felt that you have overplayed the sadness in the character, the theme has to evolve as the poem moves on but you have used various different ways of explaining the same thing. Otherwise pretty good. I think you could have utilised the actual structure itself to convey the message of sadness and confusion, maybe having the lines random in length and then coming together when he decides that he doesn't want to get another C again. Maybe something like. Good Start!
Thanks,
LMJ Rayner
*Adds to favorites*
Hey, PassionateReader! Strangelove here and I have a review for you!
This intrigued me, as this is oh so hot at the moment. I spent a good minute looking at the title. What could this be? Could it be something out there? I mean, it uses 'nerd' as the title. This won't be stereotypical, right?
Well, I have to admit, this was an okay poem. The flow was decent, went on line to line in a nice pattern. I compliment you on that, since this is your first work and all. That's pretty good. Why wasn't I a big fan of this?
Stereotypes!
Alright, this bugged me. You portray this nerd like media and other does. "OMG I MUST LIKE GET AN A, C's ARE SO BAD OMG." is basically what it felt like. Would someone really cry over a C like this? No, 97% chance they won't. See, they make them this over the top thing. Even the use of the word "nerd". It's kind of overused and overdone. They do it awfully over the top. This seems unrealistic, I'm sorry. Even the use of words. They are words so 'intelligent' and 'big'. Right, nerds are smart so they use these bigger words? I'm sorry, but no. I honestly never seen anyone speak like this. It's unrealistic, and not even funny to me. I can see that people loved it, but one of those people isn't named Strangelove.
Keep writing,
And stay groovy, my friend.
I'm sorry if I was harsh, but it's my opinion.
I think the stereotype was sort of beside the point; the point was the humor in the guy/nerd getting bad grade. It was sort of poking fun at nerds, not abusing the stereotype.
Well that's ok that you think that. I think you're right in a way. But it's kinda funny that I wrote this after I got a C. I wasn't that upset, but I thought the idea was funny and over dramatic. Thanks for your thoughts!!!
Actually, I know a couple of nerds who would be horrified to get a C... maybe they wouldn't cry bucketloads, but they'd berate themselves pretty badly. Just a thought...