Hiding The Cracks

Hey there!

I like this. I'm just going to make some suggestions for how it could be improved. I'll take it line by line. What I'll mainly be looking at here is the flow, redundant words that you don't need, and grammar, so I might cross out some words and make suggestions.

She wipes her eyes and prepares for a new day,
She carefully puts on her makeup,
andthinks of the lies that she'll say.
I'm fine thank you,
echos in her mind,
with I'm totally great not far following behind.

It's easier this way,
less questions are asked...
And she doesn't have to explain
how she's broken by her past.
She's been hurt so many times, yet, You really need to add in apostrophes!
it's difficult to move on and let go...
And through the cracks in her cover up,
Her sadness still shows...

For she's not as strong as she was, and so
every now and again...
She shows little signs,
that her heart just cant mend... Remember not to overuse ellipses!
But what can she do?
There's no magical cure...
So she slicks on some more lipstick, I like this line!
And heads out the door.

As peanut said, what stood out first to me is the lack of punctuation. However, as she's covered that, I'll move onwards...

Dreamer's right, too, your metaphor is a little broken up. But I think that could be a good thing, because this little chunk in the middle explains to the reader where you're going with it. And that last line reminds the reader where it all started.

Just to keep the metaphor running a little longer, instead of "cracks in her" it could be "cracks in her foundation". It's just another subtle hint towards the make-up that should give it a little more effect.

But, this is a lovely poem and I enjoyed it. Well done.

Hope I helped
~Grin

Hi Passion. This piece reminded me of "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence, just thought I'd throw that in here since others have said it reminded them of something. I'm going to be a mean reviewer and help with some of the grammar , since people have already said things about the meaning.

She wipes her eyes and prepares for a new day,
She carefully puts on her makeup,
and thinks of the lies she'll say.
Im I'm fine thank you,
echos in her mind,
with Im I'm totally great not far behind.

ItsIt's easier this way,
less questions are asked...
And she doesnt doesn't have to explain
how shes she's broken broke by her past.
Shes She's been hurt so many times yet, Here it would flow better if you ended it with a comma after times and put yet in the next line.
its it's difficult to move on and let go...
And through the cracks in her cover up,
Her sadness still shows...

For shes she's not as strong as she was and so
every now and again...
She shows little signs,
that her heart just cant mend...
But what can she do?
TheresThere's no magical cure...
So she slicks on some more lipstick,
And heads out the door.

Amazing poem! I really, really loved this! It actually reminded me a bit of myself, which inevitably made me like it more! I love the make-up metaphor in it, which I think is very original, and I really love this line:

PassionForAPen wrote:And through the cracks in her cover up,
Her sadness still shows...

Interesting.

A common topic, but an interesting metaphor. One that could be made all the better with a little strengthening. You lay down the foundation (so to speak) of the metaphor by mentioning her putting on her makeup in the introduction. You then build on that later by mentioning the cracks in her cover up, continuing the metaphor. However, it's only after you step away from said metaphor and move on to the more literal meaning for a bit. Because of the gap between the foundation and the actual building of it, it detracts from the strength and makes it less obvious.

If you have a solid metaphor all the way through the poem, from start to finish, then, so long as the metaphor is original, it can save an otherwise used up and cliched peom from being, well, an overused and cliched poem.

Luck!

It was a really good poem on a very sensitive topic. It is clearly a making out of an inspiration, otherwise it wouldnt have touched anybody's heart!

This poem reminds me of this quote from Ani Difranco,

“Some people wear their smile like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know because I'm like that a lot. You think everything's ok when it's not."

Well, lie to people around you if you must but never ever lie to yourself. That's what I believe in.

Thank you,
This is the first thing ive put
up on here apart from an introduction
about myself in the About The Authors forum,

So im happy people like this,

I agree--a great piece. This is a subject we all deal with, and you presented it in a new and profound way. Keep up the good work

Thank you very much,

Its a beautiful poem I love this lines
"She carefully puts on her makeup,
and thinks of the lies she'll say.
Im fine thank you,
echos in her mind,"
You have great talent.