The night wraps me in her dark, warm arms
My weak body gives into the trance of sleep.
Dreams are awaken by the twinkle of stars.
The soul is endless, bright and deep.
My weak body gives into the trance of sleep.
Beauty engulfs my life-like dreams.
The soul is endless, bright and deep.
Life is endless in timeless streams.
Beauty engulfs my life-like dreams.
I wish I could live in this state of life.
Life is endless in timeless streams.
There is no sadness, there is no strife.
I wish I could live in this state of life.
Repeat this subconscious piece of art.
There is no sadness, there is no strife.
Everything is pure, everyone has a golden heart.
Repeat this subconscious piece of art.
Nothing could ruin my perfect land.
Everything is pure, everyone has a golden heart.
My destiny is in my subconscious' hand.
Nothing will ruin my perfect land.
Dreams are awaken by the twinkle of stars.
My destiny is in my subconscious hand.
The night wraps me in her dark, warm arms.
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140,733 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
Oh wow, Pandorax!
This is so nice! (And in a way, I totally agree!) I just love the descriptions, and medaphores (How do you spell that?)! It's awesome! I think it's an amazing piece of 'art' and I think you put a lot into it.
Great job!!!
10/10
KRose
This....is....cool.
It definitely has an alluring quality to it. Your choice of words in this poem was amazing, and it made everything flow very well.
I only noticed one tiny, little error. In the very last line, "my" should be "me."
"The night wraps ME in her dark, warm arms."
Other than that, I noticed no grammatical errors. I will agree with silverfin, though, on the note of repeating lines. For most of the poem, it is totally fine, but by the end, it does tend to get a bit tedious to have the lines repeating.
Overall, though, this poem is amazing. Great job!!
Wow, I'm impressed by this poem! It has such an alluring and melodic quality to it that is hard to achieve. The words flow beautifully, like some kind of music. I love the line:
"Life is endless in timeless streams."
I also get a very mysterious and mystic feel from reading it. My only suggestion is that although I like the repeating of some lines, sometimes I feel it was a little too much. So maybe you could take out a few of the lines you repeated, such as:
"Everything is pure, everyone has a golden heart."
Or:
"Repeat this subconscious piece of art."
But whatever you decide to do with it, wonderful poem!