God Glances Down Sometimes
In the heart of night, is a glimmer of light,
A mirror for the vainest star,
Before the fall, is a clarion call,
That causes our hearts to jar.
And then our life sublimes,
God glances down sometimes.
The darkness within, the chalice’s sin,
The blade visits it in vain,
When Winter permits, the philosopher sits,
In the coldest monsoon rain.
And then the poetry rhymes,
God glances down sometimes.
And in child’s play, in morning’s new day,
We feel the long inkling doubt,
We search for our soul, and find it unwhole,
What is this world about?
Let us count our innumerable crimes,
Even God glances down sometimes.
And in the child’s eyes, the unblinking lies,
That we fed it in a life long forgotten,
And the apple that fell, even He could not sell,
Today it lies miserably rotten.
Come, taste the sourest limes,
God glances down sometimes.
When supper is past, long shadows are cast,
Let us empty the Grail once again,
The nails are hammered, for the citizens have clamored,
Deep down your throat, let it drain.
Even in distant climes,
God glances down sometimes.
In all the power, of the thundershower,
Behold! the pretender throws lightning!
In the ancient days, the Oracle says,
They used to sit down and sing.
In the breeze, the crystal chimes,
God glances down sometimes.
Greed never cools, in the glutinous fools,
We all awake in the dark,
We climb on the bed, to the old lady’s dread,
Revealing our insanity stark.
Don’t pick up the nickels and dimes,
God glances down sometimes.
Cannonballs fly, our own laws we defy,
Can we fathom this crimson malice?
Tell me we are done, with this marathon run,
Of unspeakably ignorant avarice.
O, when will He turn around?
Is there a God to glance down?
And flowers will rise, and meet their demise,
And lose their colour and scent,
So to must we bend, at last in the end,
When body and soul is rent.
Come where He hails, in the dew damp dales,
Under deep blue sky and bower,
And sleep in Her lap, the tell-tale trap,
For He called you to come to Her.
The apple I ate, to seal our fate,
I see it in childhood’s dreams,
She is not to blame, they are not all the same,
All is not as it seems.
‘Tis childhood, the sweetest of times,
The Mother glances down sometimes.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,496 Reviews
Bravo! Great ryhme scheme and meter. It flowed nicely and was very entralling. You make a great many allusions here, but some of them are too vague. I know that most a lot of them are bits and pieces we pick up places, but you'll still need to at least elaborate a little more, such as in your last three stanzas.
You kept a strong theme throughout the poem, and it was well-kept, however, I don't think that the phrase "God glances down sometimes" is enough to perpetuate the liness in the context you are using it. It only makes sense in your fifth, sixth, and seventh stanzas. It helps to picture poetry in sentences. Verse does allow for some exceptions, but for the most part, you will still need a subject and predicate and blah blah blah. You don't always need to, but for this poem you do because you had already started that way.
Other than those things, I have few more critiques. I loved the poem. It was filled with imagery and conviction, and, though I did not feel that you necessarily tied in the theme with the rest of the content(like the theme was not the focus), I still immensely enjoyed this piece. So once again, bravo, and keep writing!
That was brilliant. I liked the part when it says, "the apple that even He couldn't sell."
I didnt understand a word of it but i still loved it. it's just fun to read.
I'm gonna re-read it a couple of times to see if i can understand it better.
This is beautiful. i normally stay away from poems, i dont have the ability to critique them. but i started this and couldnt stop.
you are very good with discriptions and emotions.
it was a pleasure to read.
kim
I absolutely love this! ((I was so excited I typoed every single word in that sentence...))
There is only ONE ((one!)) thing that bothers me.
I'm unsure what you meant to put here, but this just doesn't seem right. Did you mean the first "the" to be "him"? Or should you just delete the first "the"? I'm not sure, just think of fixing it, because it doesn't sound right at all.
Kudos, many, many kudos to you! I loved it! It flows, it has awesome imagery, and it holds a very deep meaning. It moved me, and I rarely read poems nowadays that do that.
Brilliant!!!
<3
Emily