Chapter 2 of: The People We Become

by PageDreamer

Published August 14, 2026

12+ Mature Content

—------Noahs pov----------

I was neatly putting clothes in my suitcase, the lights of my room shining down onto my grey carpet, feeling blinding. My mom knocked on the door softly with her knuckles even though the white wooden door was wide open- she had always taught us to respect each other's space to knock before you come into someone else's space. I looked up at her pausing my half done packing, I smiled softly. “ Hey mom, what's up?” I said sitting on the floor in a more comfortable position at first I was just on my knees trying to get it done though they were starting to cramp. She smiled warmly “ Noah, sweetheart. I know moving to Colorado is going to be a big deal. Leaving your friends behind- I know it's sad. Though I promise you 'll make many more friends.” I laughed- “ I know mom, you don’t have to tell me, silly.” She smiles even more if possible- “ I'm glad you're so understanding of this.” She sighs- “ It's just your dad needs this job. They pay a lot more than his old job. Soon it will all get better, baby.” I got up off the floor hugging her “ I know. I know. It will get better, mom. It’s like a new piece of paper, a fresh start, you can start over, have a good time, endless possibilities.” She wrapped her arms around me inburying me in her embrace, and gently guided my head to her chest, rubbing my back in soothing circles. “ You're so smart, Noah. Just like your dad- you amaze me everyday with this brain of yours despite only being 17.” I smiled against her chest looking up at her before burying my face back into her chest enjoying the comfort of her warm loving embrace. 

—---------------Paisleys pov-----------------------

My friends blared the music, completely jamming out and having the time of their lives just blasting the radio. I sat there watching their hair whip wildly in the wind, catching the bright morning sun. Every few seconds, someone would throw their head back, laughing carelessly under the open blue sky, or randomly let out a loud holler that got drowned out by the roaring engine.

But my head was somewhere completely different. Even though my eyes were watching them, my mind was spinning with stress, making my chest feel tight. It was the first day of high school. My friends didn't have a single worry about going into 10th grade. They had already experienced 9th grade, so they knew exactly what the crowded hallways and heavy doors felt like. But for me, this was my actual first year of high school, and the stress felt completely suffocating, like the air in the car was running out. I was interrupted mid thought when my friend raised my hand in the air urging me to sing along with her. I forced myself to laugh, mouthing the words to the song even though I didn’t know them- I was simply just copying her. Trying to make her happy, it felt like a job more than a friendship. I shaked my head telling myself I was being dramatic. 

—---------------------Noahs pov---------------------

I was already half-awake when the alarm rang, I stared at the ceiling preparing myself for what the day was going to bring. I grabbed my phone, turning off the stupid alarm that was starting to make a headache forming. 6am the clock read. I groaned burying my face into the pillow, it was too early for this. Too early to even be awake. I forced myself to sit up taking in my new room: unpacked boxes taped shut with all different colors of tape, clothes scattered into different sections- as my mom tried in a hurry last night to organize my room before bed. My stomach suddenly growled, reminding me I have to get out of bed. A new school, a new house, a new state, a new life. I kinda liked the idea of starting over because no one really knows me and I can make a lot of friends and experience a lot of new things since Colorado is way fancier than my old state-Lousina. I got out of bed before I could lollygag any longer. I rummaged through the pile of clothes my mom made and found some pitch-black, ultra-baggy Y2K jeans that pooled heavily over my sneakers, their loose fit and faded graphics giving off a classic late-90s skater vibe. I grabbed a plain black Boxy Crop Top, throwing it on quickly before looking in the mirror and then just deciding I wasn’t going to deal with my hair and threw on a new york yankees hat. I grabbed my bookbag that was sitting on my floor under the wall mirror, I yawned looking around once again this time though to make sure I didn’t forget anything. That's when I saw I left my blue LED lights on, I groaned, grabbing the remote that rolled off my bed last night onto my grey fluffed carpet and hit the turn off button. I throwed the remote back onto the floor before opening my door and stepping into the hallway- this new house was a lot more modern and fancy than the one I'm used to. Mine was more- no a lot more run-down compared to this place. I was looking for the stairs to go downstairs when I stumbled over the carpet in the hallway nearly falling. I kicked the carpet slightly just giving it payback before taking a right turn down the hallway and finally finding these long modern stairs. They had white banisters, each stair had a marble floor which made it feel like I was in a movie. I laughed to myself before walking down the stairs like how I see every prince in every movie walk down them. My old house didn’t have stairs- just hallways to connect the trailer together. I reached the last stair hopping off it to the polished seamless book-matched marble and custom-cut chevron walnut parquet. My dad was an architect, that's the only reason I know these things. I admired the floor work tracing it with my finger before looking around for a kitchen. God I’m going to get lost so many times, aren’t I? I already know it. This place was humongous. 

Comments & reviews · 2
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4revgreen
Review
4revgreen wrote a review Review · 3h ago

Hi again! This is a massive improvement from the last chapter, and I'm excited to read more!

The overall story is moving on nicely. Noah is moving to Colorado and having to leave their life behind. I like the conversation with the mother; it's sweet and has real warmth, especially when you say 'she had always taught us to respect each other's space' as it teaches us about the family's values. The sensory grounding is strong, especially in Noah's second POV with the LED lights and Y2K jeans. These set the setting very well.

Paisley's POV is the best part, and I wish it was longer. There's a very nice gap between what she's performing out loud: laughing, mouthing the words, and what she's feeling: tight chest, suffocating.
It's well-observed, well-written, and also relatable. It's very good character work.

You still need to put new speech on a new line, as it makes it much easier to follow along (and is also grammatically correct formatting!) There's a really helpful guide here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/z7266g8#zrgcbqt

There's a few other small errors that could be fixed if you decided to re-edit and read through the chapter again, such as "I throwed" should be "I threw," "I shaked" should be "I shook." She smiles" shifts to present tense mid-past-tense scene.

Transitions between POV sections are abrupt, and I wonder if writing a whole chapter from Noah's POV, and then a whole chapter fro Paisley's POV might work better? Or longer sections that have a bit more action? This is only my opinion though; you might prefer it this way!

Noahs pov


Should be Noah's POV, with the apostrophe to denote the POV belongs to Noah.

I was neatly putting clothes in my suitcase, the lights of my room shining down onto my grey carpet, feeling blinding.


As an opening, this falls a little flat for me. 'feeling blinding' is a bit of a dangling modifier here. Do you mean the lights were blinding, or you felt blinded by the lights? To fix this, you can either make the lights the explicit subject of that final image, for example: the lights shining down onto my grey carpet, blinding in their brightness, or you can restructure so "blinding" clearly modifies the light itself rather than trailing off after "feeling." I also think "neatly putting" could be replaced with a
a more active, specific verb like "folding" or "packing," since "neatly" states the quality instead of showing it. You can use actions like this to show us what the character is doing and what they are like, instead of telling us.

I didn't mean to go so indepth, but I like sentence construction and it's something people always seem to neglect when writing!

“ Hey mom, what's up?” I said sitting on the floor in a more comfortable position at first I was just on my knees trying to get it done though they were starting to cramp.


Speech from a new person should always be on a new line. And the following sentence loses it self a bit. It's too long and shifts from a dialogue tag to an action in a clunky way. Maybe more like: "'Hey mom, what's up?' I said, shifting into a more comfortable position on the floor. At first I'd been on my knees, but they'd started to cramp.

But for me, this was my actual first year of high school, and the stress felt completely suffocating, like the air in the car was running out.


I love this line! It's really good, and correctly punctuated!

Overall, the bones of the story are very good! You have distinct teenage voices, which is what I love most about it. Keep writing!

PageDreamer replied · 9m ago

Tysmm againn!

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Lynnloud Comment
Lynnloud commented Comment · 7h ago

Hii I really love this and im hoping you make more of this chapters I think you need to fix some tiny weeny mistakes but we all make mistakes.A journey of a thousand miles just starts with one step.I LOVE THIS SERIES SO MUCH!

PageDreamer replied · 9m ago

tysmm! I'm glad you enjoy it! And ofccc I will be making more chapters so stay tuned!



The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna