.
It was a dark silvery night
And the moon has gone a-hiding
And the birds have ceased a-chirping
When I beheld a bloody sight
A gripping, chilling tale of fright.
It was a high and lofty place
And there I stood a-shivering
And in that terrace a-trembling
When down the lane I saw a face
A tall, thin man walked in a daze.
It was a large and rusty axe
And in his right hand a-swinging
And in its blade, the blood a-dripping
When... 'Horrors, horrors!' and I gasped,
He drank the blood, and then he laughed!
It was a round and severed head
And in his left hand a-clinging
And in its neck the wound a-gaping
When suddenly, he chomped and chewed
He ate the head! Oh, God! the head!
Yes, 'twas a high and lofty place
And there I stood a-shivering
And in that terrace a-trembling
When down I gazed and saw a face
A tall, thin man below my terrace.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Mabuhay!

Nevertheless, I try my best to improve, and inputs like these will surely help me a lot. Gracias, amigos y amigas. 
Thanks all for your wonderful comments. Gladly appreciated.
@ BenFranks: English is just my third tongue and uh... fluency in it is a thing which, in all probability, will elude me for the rest of my life. tee hee!
Hey there!
Your colour in language choice is truly exceptional! I especially enjoyed the gripping of these two lines:
I think there's originality to your writing and it makes me appreciate the images you convey more and I think it's because of this that I grow to love your poem.
I have to say the ending was very enjoyable:
It's almost like a cliff hanger, but at the same time not. Its like ending something that isn't at its end. I love the mystery for it.
I'm drawn in.
No real nitpicks, apart from a good revision to see if fluency can be improved.
Keep it up,
Ben
Woah! I love this. It's so different. It has an old-sounding tone, and it's very strong. Kinda creepy, but it's lightened a little by your use of exclamation points. You changed tense in the first stanza, so watch out for that - the birds "had" stopped chirping, since the rest of the poem is in past tense. Although, perhaps if the whole poem was written in present tense, it might make it even more, well, tense. Just a thought. Great job though, this is very interesting.
Haha, actually, this was pretty funny! In a weird way, of course, but still!

I think that the narrator would notice what the head looked like more. When I was a young teen or tween or so, I saw a severed animal head once, but I didn't recognize that it was a head at first until the rope (which was twisted) twisted so that its face was visible to us. And I remember the gleaming eyes and the strange teeth and how odd it looked vividly, even though when I recognized it as a head, my sister and I ran as quickly as we could.
So more description about the head, please! It'll be awesome... really!
Hiya Padre!
Nice to meet you.
So...I really, really loved this. Could be the fact that I have, er, a thing for heads getting lopped off with axes, apparently, but I have to say that this is quite fresh and well done.
I really like how you keep the rhythm going with your a-[verb]ing. Seems to both add a sense of action as well as spice it up in general.
I don't really seem to have any problems with this. At all. So I can't really be too constructive, but meh.
Great job! Keep writing and take care!
~Freyja
Great job with this, I got a pretty vivid picture of...well...that...and the head
...and the axe...and...
The 'was' is past tense, and the 'has' is present tense. You do it a few more times, but overall I think you did a deliciously gory job- I agree with Lydia, very originalThe only thing, you changed tenses a few times, like in the first sentence:
~Mel
Woah. That was.... scary. But good! Yes, scary but good. One problem: How do you eat a head? I mean, you have a skull.... and stuff.... ew. I'm eating jello over here. Not the best experience. Nice poem, though. Work on your spacing, and that whole head thing, and it'll be awesome!
--Dreamy
Hello!


I liked this, well done
I think you really portrayed the characters emotions and thoughts really well. And your rhythm was consistent thanks to the "a-blahblah." Your rhyme scheme wasn't too forced either which was great because this is a common problem in poetry. The idea was also pretty original
Overall, congrats! This poem was great. *Clicks the 'like' button*
~Lydia