Don't Mind Me
The brain is like clay,
It's soft, mushy, and some what grey.
It is open in the first years of life,
After that it's filled with strife.
The mind is full of opinions,
It thinks of ways to make people into minions.
It can abuse it's power to no extent,
But some times there is no malicious intent.
My subconscious is surrounded by a cage.
The emotions I bottle up are fear and rage.
I put on a facade consisting of a smile,
I hope and pray I can keep it for awhile...
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140,213 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
You put the way people are and the shows they put on for other people into words amazingly! Very well done!
You get a standing ovation for a continuous, melodious flow and the rhyming scheme.
Thank you, thank you *bows* I couldn't have done this without the English Language. Thank you for looking at my poem.
Hello, PCA123. This is Margo Seuss here for a review. I like the idea behind this poem. So often we have to put on an 'act' for the public to hide the difficult emotions we are really feeling. It's frustrating to feel like a piece of crap and then have to tell someone your 'fine' when they ask, "how are you?" The last stanza was the golden one.
These are my favorite lines.
I have a few suggestions on how I think this poem could be improved. To increase the flow in your poem you could work on shortening a few of your lines. For example:
This could be shortened to:
The brain is like clay:
Soft, mushy, and some what grey
I'm not too sure about the opinion and minion lines. It just doesn't work for me. The line with the minions sounds forced. You could try something like:
"The mind is its own dominion,
Often ruled by a fleeting opinion"
Could you also explain the significance of these lines to me:
To what power are you referring?
This poem was something different and based off a thought that I think about quite often. That is, this whole idea of constantly having to put on a facade to please others. The world truly is a stage! Remember, a good work is never finished!
--MS
Hi MargoSuess, thank you for reviewing my poem. The answer to your question, is the full potential of the human brain. The ability to feel emotions, the ability to think, the ability to be inventive, and the ability to create morals. If you think about certain misunderstood people/groups, some of them were doing what they thought was right. They thought it was right, and instead of being peaceful, they almost committed genocide.
Neat. You could experiment with adding a few extra lines in to explain that. But you probably wouldn't have to. Cool poem!
I like the simile at first as it went through into more details. Mostly, the imagery, it's literally fantastic! This masterpiece is perfect! I love on how you put all your effort and brain cells to made this! This is like heaven on earth! I really do love it! I hope this gets published someday in a book or newspaper or something that can go worldwide because this deserves it! Heh. I might just be exaggerating, but this masterpiece got me overwhelmed and I really like it! Wait no. I don't like it. I love it! Keep it up! Keep up the good work!
I'm glad that you appreciate my poem. I'm glad you felt what I wrote, and think it is that good. I think about all of these things, and sometimes feel this way.
Omg Parker will you write songs for me? I REALLY WANT TO STEAL THIS! You're use of words is amazing and you did very well at rhyming. I really love the point you are portraying. Seriously though!!! If you ever want to write a song for me I would sooo beg you to keep working with this exact piece! Usually when reading a poem there is one or two lines i read that make me connect or really flow into a good rhythm inside my head but this entire poem was just like "BOOM BOOM POW!!! LOVE ME!!" And I am soooo loving it! We should seriously start a band
lol you can write the music, I'll play guitar, and we can both sing. It will totally be fun ahha. You have the voice for it and I can work on mine 
But yah now that that's out of the way... combine "some" and "times" and also the thing with the capitolization even though that wasnt your fault. Other than that I would marry this poem.
- Shaylin (OJ) <3
First, I really love this poem! It was unique and very, very nice. Sorry, but I don't have much time, so I will do a major review later. Bye, bye for now!
First, I really love this poem.
I do have some grammar corrections, though. In "It's soft, mushy, and some what grey," some what should be one word. In "It can abuse it's power to no extent," the it's shouldn't have an apostrophe because it's possessive. But otherwise for grammar, spelling, etc. this is great.
I absolutely love what you capture in this poem. You briefly capture the beauty of the mind, and then highlight how we use our minds for the wrong things. It should be used to share love, to think of ways to help people and this planet. But instead it's used to create war, whether a war between nations or a war between people. And you are right, sometimes there are only good intentions. Even Hitler thought he was doing good when he slaughtered millions of Jews. I also know how it feels to have so many painful emotions bubbling up inside of you, and you captured those feelings, the fear of the emotions inside of you and the fear that you won't be able to contain them. This is a great poem; you should definitely keep writing.
I'm glad that you got the message to my poem. I was aiming for the beauty of the mind, and how it is used and twisted. I will pay more attention to my grammer. Thank you.
I like how you've centered the text, but I'm wondering if the first line (the title) is part of the poem? I read it as such, seeing as the style of text was the same. But if it's just a title, put it in bold so we know.
It's a good poem. I understand the poem as a rant against the mind and how it makes people feel. It's a poem that I can relate to, and I have no nitpicks whatsoever.
Whenever I hear minions I think of Despicable Me.
Thank you for the review. I will put the title in bold next time. When I thought of the word minions, my mind creeped in the direction of Despicable Me too %uD83D%uDE1D
PCA123, hello! I'm glad to help you get this out of the Green Room!
Here is the first thing I noticed. Just a little nitpick, but I think it would look better if you joined "some" and "times".
"But some times there is no malicious intent."
You were very creative with your rhyming. I do like that. But I think the title doesn't fit the main idea of this poem. "Don't Mind Me" doesn't really blend in with stuff about the brain and feelings and stuff. Also, this poem sounded a bit scattered to me. The first two stanzas focused on the same thing, which was great, but the third started digging into your emotions and the abstract kind of stuff. Keep your point straight.
Another thing to watch out for is capitalization. It is so common I'm tired of mentioning it. But every line in a poem shouldn't be capitalized, in my opinion. Capitalize it like a regular sentence, as a poem kind of is, and I find it looking a whole lot better. All in all, this was a good piece, a great thing to read. Keep writing, PCA123!
-wisegirl22
Thank you for taking the time to review my poem. I was putting down my thoughts as I went, so I steered off topic. The capitalization I completely agree with you on how it should go. I just don't like how the next line is automatically capitalized, because my computer automatically does that.
I think it's pretty cool how our two avatars are next to each other. XD Percabeth
I agree, PCA123. And jazzydracula, I am completely with you.