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Awakening Chapter 5: Faint

by Otterpop


He sat on the couch and stared at the carpet. Some light shone in through the living room windows, but within the hour that light faded. Blake tapped his fingers on his legs over and over while his jaw shifted back and forth. Confused thoughts swirled about in his mind the entire time.

She has to know. Right? I mean, it was in her room......

He'd checked three separate times within the last few hours, but still he could not find the scythe in her room. It was as if it just vanished of its own will. Well, if an inanimate object could have a will at all. He'd even considered the possibility that maybe it somehow returned to the chest, but that had disappeared without a trace as well.

Blake stood up with a start; he wanted to check once more. He made his way down the hall, and peeked into Alisha's room yet again. Still a dim light remained in there, and besides the furniture the floors were bare. He stepped inside and checked the closet again, pushing aside some things and squinting his eyes. No. Still not there.

With a dissatisfied grunt Blake left his mother's room and set his hands on the back of his neck. When he returned to the living room he did not sit down again. He instead paced, and shook his head a few times while doing so.

The scene from earlier replayed in his mind, over and over again. The scythe, the clear image of the shadowy creature, what he did.......one of his hands ended up on his forehead as he realized what he'd done. He'd just....sliced it in two. Killed it most likely. Sure, he'd initially struggled to fight back, but something had suddenly pushed him forward to sever that creature in half without the slightest hesitation. He just didn't know why.

Come on, pull yourself together, he scolded inwardly. Freaking out like this is not going to help.

A sudden chill ran up his spine. A warm chill that stayed with him for many seconds. Blake slowly turned around, blinked and then frowned.

"Oh, you must be joking...."

Whatever it was came from the backyard. Much as he didn't want to, Blake headed for the back door and unlocked it. He breathed in before he opened the door and leaned out.

He did not immediately notice anything strange. But his senses told him to look right. And once he did he could not believe his eyes. A spectre stood near the side of his house. But this was different. He could....he actually felt like he could physically see the ghostly figure before him. Not only that, but the image was a much clearer one than anything he'd ever seen. It was a young man, maybe in his late teens or early twenties, with dark but clean hair. However the rest of his body did not appear so immaculate. It seemed dirty. And, there looked to be some as well.

Blake only required a second to look this spectre over. "What happened to yo-?"

Before he could even finish, a sudden force slammed into his chest carrying nothing but a horrific pain, and he thought his lungs would pop right then and there. A second later, he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Blake had felt this before and knew that it meant. Though, he'd never experienced that sensation to this extreme, and it took all his composure to remain standing.

"That really hurt, you know," he told the spectre, in as calm a voice as he could manage. "Was it close to here?"

He actually watched the spirit nod its head, something he'd never seen so clearly before. Blake shook his head and kept his focus, looking around.

"Where did you come from....?"

Blake faced the spirit with a sudden jolt, realizing it spoke to him. Or more like, words popped into his head, rather than images or emotions. It was such a jarring and unfamiliar experience, so much so that could only make out a few of the words that washed over him.

Highway....tired....wheel......

He thought on it a moment, then said, "You fell asleep at the wheel?"

Only then did the emotion kick in. Waves of exhaustion hit him like a powerful gust of wind, followed by waves of guilt and fear. The final moments. Blake was all too familiar with the string of residual emotions. 

"The nearest highway is that direction." He then pointed south. "Try starting there."

Unable to do anything else, Blake turned around and opened the door back to his house. But he stopped himself. A brief glance told him that the spirit still stood there, and had not moved even an inch. He faced the spirit again, and again pointed southward.

"The highway is that way," he repeated. "You understand, right?"

It did not nod or shake its head, but there was also no indication that the spectre was confused by his words. Instead, though, it took a step towards him.

"Hey, I don't know why you're coming to me," said Blake, taking a step back. "I can't help you any more than that."

But it would not listen; it took a few more steps in his direction. Another wave emitted from the spectre. It was faint, and Blake didn't recognize it at first. But it took him a few moments to identify the emotion. A sense of calming relief. But why?

The sound of car tires squeaking into a driveway shifted his attention. It sounded close. Blake held out open palms before the spirit. "Just....wait here, I'll...I'll figure something out I guess."

Even to himself the uncertainty in his voice was painfully obvious. Yet the spirit seemed quite understanding, and remained in place. He didn't have much of a choice, so Blake re-entered his house and walked down the hall to the front door. He opened it and looked out towards the car in the driveway and immediately observed his mother's car.

But, she had not been the one driving it.

Blake watched with confusion as a woman helped Alisha out of the passenger seat of her own car, and half-carry her up to the house. Blake hurried forward and met them about halfway down the sidewalk. His mother looked terrible, her face pale and a hand clutching her head fiercely.

"Mom." Blake did not raise his voice, but he did not mean to sharpen his tone. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Sorry about this, Blake," said the woman helping Alisha. She sounded genuinely concerned with her deep but calm voice. "We would have tried calling you, but your mother's got the only phone in the house. She fainted."

Blake breathed out, and tried not to let his words waver. "Again?"

The woman nodded. "It was strange this time-"

"Deb."

It was Alisha who interrupted all of a sudden. She raised her chin, looked at her friend....but her head was clearly not stable. "It's alright, I'm fine."

"You are decidedly not fine." With Blake's assistance the woman helped Alisha into the house, and set her gently on the couch. "You weren't tired enough today for a fainting spell, you'd eaten an hour beforehand...."

"So what went wrong?" asked Blake.

"That's just it: nothing." The woman stepped aside so Blake could sit beside his mother. "I've watched her fainting spells before. But this one happened out of nowhere."

As he rubbed his mother's back, he pressed the woman for more information. "When did it happen?"

"A few hours ago," she replied. "I brought her to the hospital and they gave her some fluids; they thought it might have been dehydration. Anyways, they want her to stay home and rest for now. So don't come in tomorrow Alisha."

Easy enough. Blake nodded to the woman, feeling very grateful towards her. "Thanks, Dr. Reynolds. I'll keep an eye on her tomorrow."

The woman clearly could not hold back a smile. "You don't have to. But thank you for looking after your mother, Blake. And my recommendation? She ought to see the doctor again, maybe switch up her medication."

The idea didn't appeal to him, but if the doc was suggesting it then he supposed he should at least think about it. He gave her a curt nod in response.

"Blake, honey...." Alisha trailed off for a moment but she now had both his and Dr. Reynolds' attention. "You can't stay home from school tomorrow. Not for my sake."

She sounded so tired and uncomfortable, like she didn't want to move or speak anymore. But it was something of strange relief for him. At least she's alert enough to know what day it is, he thought. "No worries, Mom," he assured. "Long story, but....there was a little fire in the school kitchen earlier."

Alisha jolted her head to face Blake and he quickly explained. "But no one got hurt, don't worry! The school's just gonna get closed tomorrow for repairs, so, I'll be home anyway."

She looked a bit relieved by his words. With that, Blake stood up and faced Dr. Reynolds, his hands clasped together as he dipped his head to her with gratitude. "Thanks again, for today."

"Not a problem." She once again gave him a little smile. "You both take care."

Blake showed her out the door, then locked it once the doctor had left. He let out a quiet sigh, and then turned to his mother. She still clutched her head with her hand, but her lips did not appear as wrinkled up as they had been before. He walked towards her, and then stretched out his hand.

"Come on, let's get you to bed."

For the first time that evening, Alisha smiled. "It's a bit early for that, don't you think?"

But Blake did not smile back. "For you, and after what happened today? I don't think so."

Her smile faded, only a little. She relented and grabbed his hand. Blake could feel her fingers, slightly bony and not very warm. Yet they also had a softness about them, and still seemed to carry a little bit of strength in those little extremities. Blake pulled gently, before he carried and led his mother back towards her room. Just as they reached the door, however, Blake panicked. What if that scythe was suddenly back on the floor? Or its case? What if she saw it?

A quick glance into her room washed away all those fears. The scythe was still nowhere to be seen.

He helped his mother to the bed, but then Alisha removed his hand from her side. She sat down on her own, and then laid herself on her back. Blake turned, noticing a near-empty glass of water....and a pill next to it. He breathed in sharply but decided not to say anything right now. Instead he took the water glass, walked into the kitchen, and emptied it in the sink. He refilled the glass with tap water and returned the glass to the nightstand.

"Please get lots of rest," he said. "Okay, Mom?"

Alisha nodded in response after a few moments of hesitation. "I will, promise."

Blake turned to leave the room.

"Honey?"

"Yeah?" He stopped and spun around.

"Thank you."

He cracked a smile, but said nothing more. He left his mother's room, and looked down the hallway towards the back door. He breathed and waited a few seconds, but felt no strange sensations. Even after a couple more moments there was still nothing. His mind was so wracked that he didn't want to think about anything else right now, and so turned to his own room. He opened the door and closed it most of the way, letting out a sigh of exasperation and lifting his chin high into the air. However, he held back any other emotion he wished to release. He told himself to calm down and take a breath. Blake turned around and faced his bed, freezing suddenly.

The scythe lay right on the covers of his bed.

He clenched his fists together as he lips tightened. He threw his hands up with a jolt, but made no sound. Unbelievable, he thought. But he did not want to deal with this right now. He couldn't. He desperately wanted to, especially now that his mother was home, but Alisha absolutely needed rest and time to recover after what seemed like an unusual day for the both of them. He himself wanted some rest as well, but he dare not touch that thing again.

So instead, he simply sat on the floor next to his bed, and wrapped his arms around his legs.


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Fri Mar 18, 2022 3:33 pm
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there Otterpop! Lim again with a short review.

Reactions and First Impressions

The beginning starts off in a kind of ‘waiting’ phase. It sort of returns Blake to an idle state whereas the past chapter was full of a lot of things happening. I thought it was a bit jarring, but in a good way, because it sort of creates the anticipation of what’s about to happen. I also really like how succinct the opening line is, as always.

She has to know. Right? I mean, it was in her room......

I’m a bit puzzled why Blake thinks Alisha would know. After all, in the next paragraph Blake says the scythe had “vanished”. I’m thinking that if I were in his shoes, I would assume I’d just been seeing things, since the scythe isn’t really a spirit like what Blake’s used to.

Come on, pull yourself together, he scolded inwardly. Freaking out like this is not going to help.

I appreciate this bit of characterisation and continuity with Blake’s responsible and mature personality, as well as his need for self-sufficiency.

The scene where the young spirit appeared really pulled me in. I like how you convey the feelings of tragedy and humanity with the spirits that Blake helps, I find that perspective to be a draw for this story.

Alisha’s return was also unexpected (though perhaps the chapter title should have clued me in, haha). It makes me wonder immediately if the lingering spirit and Alisha’s illness are somehow related, and given that I’ve read some of the later chapters, I do think they are.

Alisha jolted her head to face Blake and he quickly explained. "But no one got hurt, don't worry! The school's just gonna get closed tomorrow for repairs, so, I'll be home anyway."
She looked a bit relieved by his words. With that, Blake stood up and faced Dr. Reynolds, his hands clasped together as he dipped his head to her with gratitude. "Thanks again, for today."
"Not a problem." She once again gave him a little smile. "You both take care."

I find this little exchange so endearing! I love the description of their actions, like “jolted” and “clasped . . . dipped” and the “little smile” from Dr. Reynolds, as these all paint very specific images in my mind. Blake seems like such a polite kid and I can imagine Dr. Reynolds would feel fond of him in this scene. I also felt Alisha’s worry and guilt in this scene a lot.

Hmm I do wonder why she hadn’t taken her medication that morning? I’m guessing that Alisha habitually forgets to take it, which is why Blake in the first chapter has to remind her. But still, I feel like because the fainting issue is highlighted in this chapter, this medicine thing is going to be kind of important later.

I think it’s been a few times now, but things appearing out of nowhere in this story never fail to get me. I froze along with Blake when I read the line about the scythe just being there on his bed.
He threw his hands up with a jolt, but made no sound. Unbelievable, he thought.

This bit kind of shows how used he is to supernatural things happening around him. Though I wonder since something like the scythe has never happened before, if he would have that same sense of ‘normalcy’ when dealing with it that he does whenever he feels a spirit approach him. Somehow it feels like most of the chapter he’s been really geared up about the scythe, so this sort of funny irritated reaction feels a bit off, though that might just be me.

Plot

At this point, there’s a lot of mystery to this story and where it’s headed. I think I might have made a few guesses here and there in previous reviews, but in general I’m still unclear. I’m not really a proponent of the whole ‘the aim of your book has to be clear in chapter one’ idea, and I think it can be really good and atmospheric to keep readers guessing to some extent, so that’s not a criticism on my part!

Some of the most ‘mysterious’ points to me are: 1) the spectre in this chapter and 2) the scythe. Somehow Alisha’s depiction here is very ‘normal’ outside of her illness, which makes me think she’s probably not intentionally involved with all the mysterious goings-on.

He actually watched the spirit nod its head, something he'd never seen so clearly before. Blake shook his head and kept his focus, looking around.
"Where did you come from....?"

I really liked this moment where Blake realized he could see and hear the spirit more clearly than he usually did. I could feel his surprise, and it’s super interesting to see ‘contrary’ developments in his powers like this, especially after the events with the shadowy creatures.
The spectre seems to have a specific backstory and the fact that it’s staying there suggests it’s going to become important later on. (I wonder if Blake forgot he’d left the spectre waiting, there at the end, though.)

My current theory is that perhaps the specter can sense that Blake has the scythe, and that means he’s special or something. Or, the specter is looking for the scythe. Either way, I’d guess the specter is benevolent based on the descriptions here, and I always like a benevolent spirit in a story. :D

Overall

I think you’re really good at constructing your chapters and just putting everything together. Each chapter, like I mentioned earlier about Alisha’s illness, seems to have a main focus while still having multiple plot threads running coherently (e.g. continuity with the fire at school, and then the specters acting funny). I also enjoyed the character interactions in this one. They felt realistic yet charming.

Hope some of this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim




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Tue May 11, 2021 5:43 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Otterpop,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Let's start right away:

Some light shone in through the living room windows, but within the hour that light faded


You've built up a good atmosphere with this sentence, I would replace the "that light" in the second half of the sentence with "it".

Blake stood up with a start; he wanted to check once more.


What do you mean by that expression? I don't quite understand it. :D

It should be noted that I like the way you portray Blake in this scene. He has his trains of thought and can't sit still straight away. He's thinking about the scythe and the creature and you portray it well with the necessary stylistic devices.

A warm chill that stayed with him for many seconds


An interesting description putting two opposite things together, but I would put it with This so that there is a greater focus on this chill and that Blake had never experienced it like this before.

Whatever it was came from the backyard.


Put a comma after what or add another it. It reads funny without the right punctuation.

Much as he didn't want to, Blake headed for the back door and unlocked it. He breathed in before he opened the door and leaned out.


Two doors in two sentences :D I would replace the second door with it. Or you could leave it there and describe the door. (It was big and dusty or something...)

he told the spectre, in as calm a voice as he could manage


He told the spectre, in a voice as calm as he could manage.

Or more like, words popped into his head, rather than images or emotions.


That's a great description! It sounds a bit strange at first, but you can understand it.

He faced the spirit again, and again pointed southward.


He faced the spirit again and pointed southward a second time.

"Thanks, Dr. Reynolds. I'll keep an eye on her tomorrow."


I don't understand here if Dr. Reynolds is the woman who brought Alisha home, or if it's an expression of gratitude for the doctor not being present. Finally, the woman's name is not mentioned beforehand and if the former is the case, I would mention it briefly beforehand in the text.

She relented and grabbed his hand. Blake could feel her fingers, slightly bony and not very warm. Yet they also had a softness about them, and still seemed to carry a little bit of strength in those little extremities.


Again, it's a great description! I like the combination between the first description in the first sentence and the second sentence.

What I can mention as a good plus in this chapter (and what has been seen in the previous chapters as well) is that you portray Blake as a very diverse and interesting and above all real character. He is responsible and brave, which are the classic attributes of a hero, and also he is thoughtful, caring and naive. I like very much to see these many emotions and characteristics of him.

Especially in this chapter where you split it very well into three parts (fear of what happened - the spectre - his mother coming back). It didn't feel wrong the way you did the changes of scenes, which also ensured you made a good chapter. It has a great pace and also slowly builds up the plot. I feel like it's two different story arcs at the moment - the one where he's dealing with the supernatural, and the little story arc with his mother.

There are some formal grammatical errors where I think these sometimes increase and decrease. But I think those can be eliminated very quickly as you write more.

In summary, I think it was a great chapter that stood out because of how Blake and his facets were portrayed.

Have a great time writing it!

Mailice




Otterpop says...


Many thanks for the nitpicks! Clearly I always need to watch out for little grammatical things, and it's thanks to people like you that can watch out for them so that I can fix it and watch out for it in the future.

I often try to make my characters (even in things like supernatural or contemporary fantasies) seem as grounded as possible, and I'm happy to have that for Blake as he's one of my favorite protagonists to write. I'm also glad to see people interested in the story the further along it goes, and I hope that continues!

Thanks again!



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Mon May 10, 2021 11:36 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



AHHHH NEW CHAPTER :)

Some light shone in through the living room windows, but within the hour that light faded.


I like how the light fading away contributes to the atmosphere and confused mood in the opening of this chapter

She has to know. Right? I mean, it was in her room......


What if she was a past spectre-dealer person 0.0

Sure, he'd initially struggled to fight back, but something had suddenly pushed him forward to sever that creature in half without the slightest hesitation. He just didn't know why.


Oof, I hope he doesn't feel bad about severing the creature </3 I can understand why though; it must have been a very,,, interesting experience 0.0 but he did what he had to do to save himself

A sudden chill ran up his spine. A warm chill that stayed with him for many seconds. Blake slowly turned around, blinked and then frowned.


Ah, poor Blake Dx on top of dealing with what just happened, something else has popped up. he just Cann't catch a break right now :O

However the rest of his body did not appear so immaculate. It seemed dirty. And, there looked to be some as well.


I'm not really quite sure what your very last sentence is supposed to be referring to / mean?

Before he could even finish, a sudden force slammed into his chest carrying nothing but a horrific pain, and he thought his lungs would pop right then and there. A second later, he felt nothing.


Does he do anything to recover? Like maybe he takes a moment or two to catch his breath, or perhaps he needs to sit down or something. Just thought that maybe such an "attack" may require him to take a few seconds and catch up c:

He actually watched the spirit nod its head, something he'd never seen so clearly before.


There are so many changes happening and so many things are shifting that there must be some greater problem at hand 0.0 I wonder why he can see the man so clearly? My first thought was maybe Blake himself is becoming closer to the spectre world, so he's able to see them clearly; maybe that whole shadow showdown changed something? I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out! ^_^

But, she had not been the one driving it.


Omg when I first saw this, I thought a spectre was driving it or something xD

and half-carry her up to the house.


Oops, I believe this should be past tense "carried" ^_^

The woman nodded. "It was strange this time-"

"Deb."

It was Alisha who interrupted all of a sudden. She raised her chin, looked at her friend....but her head was clearly not stable. "It's alright, I'm fine."


She has to be related to this whole spectre business somehow :c Why else would it be "different" this time? And why is she so sick? >.>

"Long story, but....there was a little fire in the school kitchen earlier."

Alisha jolted her head to face Blake and he quickly explained. "But no one got hurt, don't worry! The school's just gonna get closed tomorrow for repairs, so, I'll be home anyway."


... so at least there's some silver lining from the fire? >.>

She relented and grabbed his hand. Blake could feel her fingers, slightly bony and not very warm. Yet they also had a softness about them, and still seemed to carry a little bit of strength in those little extremities.


Ooh, I like this little statement; it gives hope, that there's still some fight left in her :)

The scythe lay right on the covers of his bed.


Omg that is eerie. It's like the scythe has now chosen him or something 0.0

He clenched his fists together as he lips tightened. He threw his hands up with a jolt, but made no sound. Unbelievable, he thought. But he did not want to deal with this right now. He couldn't. He desperately wanted to, especially now that his mother was home, but Alisha absolutely needed rest and time to recover after what seemed like an unusual day for the both of them. He himself wanted some rest as well, but he dare not touch that thing again.


I just noticed that most of these sentences start with "He" -> I think it would help to vary your sentence structure so it doesn't get too repetitive! ^_^
But hey, good on Blake for recognizing that he needs a break from this all. He is so incredibly strong for being able to deal with so many things all at once, and he definitely deserves some time to rest and to catch up <3

I love how this chapter was a bit more relaxed than the other ones - not relaxed in the sense as it wasn't full of important events, but the action was more laidback. I think this was good as a breather for your reader and to also let Blake deal with what happened earlier and sort through his emotions a bit. It was really nice to hear his internal thoughts and how he felt about the whole ordeal. I could also really feel how panicked / confused / jumbled he felt, from instances where he kept checking if the scythe had reappeared, for example.

In this chapter, I also really got to see Blake's perseverance and strength. He's got a lot on his plate right now, and I'm amazed at how he can deal with the spectre stuff all by himself and is also mainly taking care of his mother by himself. These two things serve as some great characterization for him. I hope he's able to catch a break soon, poor guy xD

As always, I can't wait to read more! I truly am enjoying the series <3




Otterpop says...


I always love seeing people catching me on the little details that may need to be fixed, so many thanks for that!

And of course, I do like seeing people engaged with the story and the characters, and never really sure of what direction this story is going. That's really encouraging for me. It's always good to hear about another perspective to know what I might be doing right, and what I could do better.

All in all, thanks so much for the comments and nitpicks!!




If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.
— Jane Austen