Young Writers Society

Hey friend,

these poems are not bad by any means! We all start somewhere, and they have the markings of a well-written poem. We've got some creative imagery, word-play, and emotional impact - these are all things that I normally look for in a poem, and strive to put in my own writing.

One area I think both of your poems could have some growth is narrative development.

Here's what I mean -

I couldn't really get the sense of the story/conflict that the speaker was having in either of the poems, the second one a bit more clearly, but the first one I really struggled to figure out what it was about. It seemed generically sad, rather than specifically sad - and although it would seem like leaving it generic would make it more widely relateable, it actually does the opposite since readers don't have anything to hold on to. Try to make the conflict a bit more clear and concrete, and I think the emotion will hit a bit more.

I think you really had some fine rhymes, especially in that second poem. I also enjoyed the painting of this imagery, "a piece of me / Dwells here and will stay behind / On this cold day, I reside / Under clouds of sorrow's gray" -- really nice metaphor to fit what the speaker is feeling. Now if I could just understand more about the source of their sadness, this would be quite impactful.

Also don't worry too much about the stanzas not being broken up! In my mind having one large clump of a poem, is preferable to just putting in stanza breaks randomly. Always go for something that looks clean and intentional, over rushed and random.

That's all I've got. But I'd really encourage you to take a second look at these and find out where they can grow, have faith in yourself, you seem like your writing has a lot of potential.

Reach out if you had any questions about my review, or wanted feedback on something a bit more specifically.

- alliyah

Hello my dear writing friend! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on your work and to help you out a little on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay shall we start?

So my I say these poems were really well written, they all had a very good meaning behind them, and they all carried the emotion you are looking for in a poem, but like you said you were young when you wrote them so they need a little polishing up, so that is what I am here to do.
But before I get into pointing some of the things I saw out I would like tell you something I learnt while I was writing, you should never doubt your ability to write, when you make that little note at the top saying it really bad I was expecting it to be bad, but when I started reading you really blew me away with how good this is, so you should never thing your work is bad. I will say it needs a little touching up, but everybody's works do. So believe in yourself next time.

Okay let's start with the review!

So here is the first thing I saw that can be fixed.

Nobody spares a glance or spares an ear

Whatever else would you dare to look here for?

Hi @kaenexion I am here to do a review. So lets get started.

I can say that this was not the worst one I have read before, I really think that I have read worse ones. So lets get right into it shell we. also I'm just going to say this a head of time before you get a bit upset. I'm going to be giving quit a bit of crit essisams witch can hurt your feelings, but pleas do not take it personally

Forget what you think you’ve been searching for

Just leave your soul and peace of mind dead on the floor

And be shaken and bloodied down to your core

The world keeps spinning, dragging you along

The world keeps spinning,
dragging you along

If you should care as to this tale’s end

The world keeps spinning, while dragging you along

If you had cared up to this tale’s end

If you should care as to this tale’s end