Published August 10, 2011
Hello everyone. OnigiriChan here with first poem on this site.
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Canary word: Present
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141,404 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
This is real decent
I like how you start and end on the same thing, black and white, because often poetry deviates from its origin and ends up someplace else. You managed to stay on track, which is great, because it is really clear what the poem is about and you express it well.
I agree with what Abyss said, maybe you should stick to either more imagery similar to that at the beginning (ice cream/coffee) or use more of the imagery towards the middle and end (screams, blinding light, late night) because I think the use of the first few images personalises the poem, whereas the later images de-personalise it. Depending on whether you want a specific or more general poem, go with one of the other. Based on how you started off (My life can be expressed...) I'm taking it that you are looking for more of a personal analysis of your life/how you see it.
Overall, great poem, interesting subject, would like to read more, keep it up!
Mostly profound people never find themselves dwelling inbetween two extremes...so consider yourself deep:) the poem for me was literally too sweet in trying to express such a 'bitter' logic. Try substituting ice-cream with something more serious and solid like light and darkness or fiends and angels for example. Although, what you did was just fine but, it could be better.
Nice work man. keep writing.
Helluue, I likes this piece very much! I love you're imagery and the second line with coffe and icecream was just great.. but it would be even better if you added like.. vanilla ice-cream or something to make the contrast.. or maybe cold ice-cream and hot coffee...
But overall this was great, personally though, I'm a fan of punctuation and think it completes the poem so if it was up to me; I'd add some dots and commas 
4/5 icky spiders to you 
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Punctuation in poems is a very controversial matter from what I've seen. Unlike in novels and short stories the form is almost completely up to the poet. Of course, if you'd really like to know the ins and outs in depth you can always check out the forums on here. I'm sure one will deal with your questions.
I liked the way you layed out this poem too and you have a nice style. Keep typing!