A Wolf Story. Enjoy~
My name is Echo. I can hear them shouting. I'm running for my life, rain is clouding my eyes and I can't see a way out. We're about to get slaughtered, my family and I, and I can hear the hunters chasing us. They want our fur. They want our heads. They want our lives.
It had been just another day in the woods with my family: Jet, Sabyr, Raine and I. We had been hunting for food all day, but couldn't find a single living creature. The Winter is an unforgiving, cold time. We settled down in a small cave we found near the forest as the light drifted off into darkness.
I awoke to a noise that I wasn't familiar with. Like the sound of a waterfall, the 'whoosh' flew straight past my head. It was early morning, the dim light filtering through the cave entrance. What was this noise? I went to investigate the small stick poking out of the cavern wall. I stared, confused, at the small feathers on the end. What was this? Maybe someone in my pack may know. I woke Raine up, showing her the thin object.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, another one flew straight past me and lodged itself in one of Sabyr's hind legs. He yelped and awoke with a start, and I realised that these things were dangerous. Sabyr was dying.
He howled at the pain, red flooding from his leg. We couldn't help him now. Raine ushered me behind a rock and motioned for Jet to follow, but he was too afraid. We could hear the hunters yelling. Had they found our hiding place?
I peeked over the rock, quick enough to see a hunter loading a machine. It looked like it was made out of stone and wood, but made clicking noises when he loaded a small pellet-shaped rock into it. He aimed at Jet, about to fire when all of a sudden Sabyr leapt at the hunter, tearing into his flesh with his razor-sharp teeth. The hunter managed to push him off, and a thundering bang echoed out through the forest. We knew that Sabyr was no more. The hunters dragged him into a big vehicle and drove away. Just like that.
For the rest of the day we mourned at our loss, aimlessly trudging through the snow-covered forest, tired and wistful. Raine collapsed out of exhaustion, and not too soon after we had all crumpled to the ground, waiting for light to rise over the hills.
The next morning I awoke to the smell of human, and their strange language chatter off in the distance. I immediately woke up Jet and Raine. Were they safe humans or hunters? We couldn't be sure. The wolf hunters have want to get rid of us for many years now and they’d done a pretty good job.
Jet pushed us behind a snow-capped shrub and followed haste. Rain began to fall, and it quickly began to pound mercilessly from the sky. We didn’t want to take the risk of being seen so we stayed low. I stuck my head through the bush to see if they were safe.
They weren't.
We took off into the woods, not looking back for anything.
I can still remember what I was thinking...
'I can hear them shouting. I'm running for my life, rain is clouding my eyes and I can't see a way out. We're about to get slaughtered, my family and I, and I can hear the hunters chasing us. They want our fur. They want our heads. They want our lives.'
( ^ I still need to fix that part ^ )
I could hear a loud engine, and wheels skidding through the snow. They were catching us, we needed to run quicker. Suddenly a loud bang echoed out, just like the one that had killed Sabyr, and a pellet flew straight past my body.
I faltered, almost falling flat on my face, but I kept running, away from the killers. We could see the end of the forest, the frozen waters were coming into view. I knew that if we ran out there we will definitely get killed. Jet was at the front of our pack and suddenly turned right, Raine quick on his trail. I don't think the hunters were expecting it, because their car skidded straight past us onto the frozen waters. Finally, we slowed to a stop, believing that they were gone. I was panting and feeling light headed, a little dizzy because of the speed had been running. I don't know how long they were gone for, but they came back. We should've kept moving.
Suddenly the vehicle appeared behind us again. We took off, but we couldn't keep it up forever. We had to move to Plan B. Attack.
"Plan B!" I shouted.
As soon as we knew that we were far enough ahead, we'd turn and stand our ground, and attack. Which is exactly what we did.
We turned to face the vehicle as it came speeding up behind us. As soon as it was close enough, we took a leap of faith at the humans on the roof. It felt like slow motion as the three of us flew through the air at the car. Jet was the first one to take down a hunter, tearing at his neck. He was the eldest of our pack so I knew he'd be ok. Raine and I tore at the other one, but I stopped when I heard Jet scream. The hunter had used the machine to shoot Jet in the chest, and he wasn’t moving. I turned back to Raine, but she had fallen off the roof and gotten hurt badly. The hunter was advancing on me now. I jumped off the roof and landed next to Raine. She was whimpering softly, and bleeding from her feet, the rain from the sky making it leak and stain the white snow. I could hear more cars not too far away. "Raine we need to go!" I shouted at her, but she just silently shook her head. "I can't go. You must leave and save yourself. Now go!"
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm not leaving you"
"Echo, go. They're coming. There's nothing you can do. Please, just leave. Go for me. Go."
I turned to leave, and took one last look over to Jet. He opened his eyes slowly. "Run" he whispered, and his head fell back.
I ran into the woods, never looking back. Just like the previous day, I collapsed out of exhaustion. And that's where I am now.
It's night. I can’t move a single inch. All I can think of is what I did. How I left them. I can feel their pain, their hurt. I have nothing. In the snow-covered forest, with rain still beating down, I close my eyes for one last time and never open them again.
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Hi. This wasn't too bad. I liked how you explained things from the view of the wolf.
There were a number of minor issues, but the one thing that really let you down was characterization. At first, I thought the wolves had the same kind of vocabulary as a real wolf would have, so I was quite surprised when they first really spoke. And the story went too fast, so we didn't really get to know the characters and the bonds that echo had to them. As much as I tried to care when they died, I simply could not.
The basic plot line was quite good, though, and I did fell a little bit of sadness at the end when Echo died, and the first paragraph was immediately gripping, so if you could work on the characterization and slow things down a bit, this would be a very good story.
Yeah, I thought that. I'm thinking about adding another section at the start explaining how she was brought up, and some minor adventures, and friends and family introductions, etc, so that readers can have a bit more of a image of the characters. Thanks for your review, and Merry Christmas! c: xx
#DoIt
Haha, I'll finish it soon xD
Hey there. A quick question for you. Is this your first wolf piece?
Yes, why do you ask? I know it's not very good, however it isn't entirely my writing, as the not-so-good parts, or parts that don't sound like my writing, were written by my brother's friend. xD
Hi there. Lucrezia here to review.

This is a great piece you have here. The emotion is spot-on, quite sad and enough to keep the reader invested throughout the story. It was heartbreaking and nicely detailed, believably told from the POV of a wolf. I'm very impressed by this.
I still have to mention a few nitpicks, though, so let me say sorry in advance.
"My name is Echo. I can hear them shouting. I'm running for my life, rain is clouding my eyes and I can't see a way out. We're about to get slaughtered, my family and I, and I can hear the hunters chasing us. They want our fur. They want our heads. They want our lives."
The beginning of this is very attention-grabbing, yet it seems like it's written in the moment and then there's a sudden shift to past-tense. When this part is mentioned again, your character says, "I can still remember what I was thinking…" To make it clearer that the beginning is not actually happening right then but rather earlier in the day, I would suggest changing the format to italics.
""Raine we need to go!" I shouted at her, but she just silently shook her head. "I can't go. You must leave and save yourself. Now go!""
There should be a paragraph break after Echo's dialogue. Also, the use of the word "go" feels repetitive. I'd recommend writing it as:
""Raine, we need to go!" I shouted at her.
She just shook her head. "I can't go. You need to leave and save yourself. Now!""
Or something along those lines.
Other than that, this was written well and I really enjoyed it. Nice work!
Thankyou so much!! I'll edit this as soon as I can c: