Published August 9, 2026
The world is silent, too silent. Dust and ashes cover the air, tinting it yellow; my throat tastes like chalk because of that. Well, of course, why does it even matter now? It’s not like the world was much better before.
There is no electricity, so I don’t know the exact time. However, I know how to count seconds (Mom and Dad will be proud if they know I can count up to a hundred)! It has become my favorite pastime after the neighborhood collapsed, because I know if I keep up to schedule, Mom and Dad will come back earlier as a reward for me not playing games while they are away. I know because adults are supposed to keep their promises… right?
I thought of that while brushing my teeth and climbing into bed as usual. However, today is a bit different because I started praying to God so that the world would return to normal faster. What is God’s name anyway? Does everyone just call him God? Is that his name? I guess I can’t judge since there was a girl in my first-grade class called Amber; that’s a real thing’s name. So, is God’s name like God but as a name? Whatever, I need to focus on praying more anyway.
***
“Watch for the light”, Mom said on the day she left. Her hands rested on my shoulders, trying to calm me down. How is someone going to calm another down when there clearly is water in their eyes? Beside Mom, Dad was looking at me with pinched eyebrows. They never really had that expression before.
“Don’t be scared ok? We will be back as soon as possible. Be good, and maybe we will be back sooner.” That was the last thing Mom said to me. I can hear her voice going in an upward tone, trying to make things sound as positive as possible, but random thoughts kept crossing my mind… What if they never come back? I cried really hard that day. I don’t even know when they will be back, or even if they are okay or not. I hope they will be back for my birthday.
How will there be light in this dark world anyway? I thought as I walked towards the window and looked out. My usual lively garden disappeared; the fences between my house and my neighbor’s had fallen too. The sunflower Mom planted never grew. The lights Dad and I set up for Christmas were still there, but I’m sure they’ll run out of battery soon.
It’s scary that everyone disappeared after a bomb dropped not too far away. My family was lucky to be in the basement when it dropped.
I turned my head left. A calendar hung on the wall. It had been about two weeks since Mom and Dad left. What if monsters hurt them? What if they already … abandoned me? No. That wouldn’t happen. Even though I said that, tears were running down my cheek like my eyes were water faucets.
As I wiped my tears away, I picked up a broom to dust off my desk. As I sat down in my chair, I looked up at the wall. Dad and I painted it dark blue together two years ago. Since then, I have been filling it with stickers, each holding a lot of memories.
Most importantly, there is a painting I did at school for Mother’s Day. It’s all rainbows and sunshine in the painting, but now, it’s just darkness.
***
I’m pretty sure it’s my birthday today. I can't help but wonder if Mom and Dad will ever be back. The voice in my head grew louder as each day passed by. They will never come back. They abandoned you.
I did my daily routine as usual. I woke up, brushed my teeth, ate, and read a book with a flashlight. Soon enough, according to my inner clock, it was dinner. I opened a bag of chips and sat by the window. The supplies were draining; I wish I didn’t eat as much in the first few days. A cold, hollow emptiness slowly reached my chest as the Christmas lights flickered and the painting on the wall hung loose.
“They’re still not back yet…” They have abandoned me, haven’t they?
I couldn’t sleep tonight; there is still a slim chance they might be back for me. The sound of an annoying mosquito grew louder and louder. There aren’t many mosquitoes around here, are there? Then I realized it sounded like the one when my parents left!
It seems like they have landed because I heard something heavy hit the ground, but the engine hasn't stopped yet.
I immediately threw myself out of bed and ran toward the sound. The rocks on the pavement are piercing my feet, and my legs feel like they are burning. Mom and Dad are back! The cozyness and relief of when I jumped into my parents’ arms crossed my mind. We will go together and find a place with a big garden that has a big tree so we can bathe in the sun in the morning and watch the stars and moon at night.
Ready to jump into my parents’ arms, I ran closer to the sound as it was dying down. From a distance, even though I couldn’t see the spaceship yet, I could see 2 figures that appeared on the pavement. There’s light! Just like what my Mom said about light… they look more like… robots. Right there, I stopped. They don’t look like my parents. My forehead started sweating, and I could hear my heart pounding. I told my legs to move, but my body was like a statue no matter what I did.
I NEED TO MOVE!
I NEED TO!
MOM AND DAD ARE STILL WAITING FOR ME!
My eyes watered.
STUPID LEGS, MOVE!
I finally got myself to duck down and roll to the nearest wreckage and surround myself with those broken concrete walls. The footsteps of those robots dampened. I will be safe, I told myself. Or please, let them be my parents, please, anything but those robots!
Light shone through my hiding spot, then they said
“Noah.”
(This is mainly practice for describing scenes and emotions, so don't worry too much about the plot itself. If the ending seems a little confusing for you, that's intentional; it's meant to create the suspense.
Btw, happy to take any suggestions on how to improve my descriptions :D)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,538 Literary Works • 672,152 Reviews
Hi there!
I loved your short story. The concept is really good, and the whole thing builds up a lot of suspense and intrigue throughout the narrative. I love stories set in dystopias and post-apocalyptic worlds, and this really feels unique when it gets to the end and introduces the robots. I really like the mundane scenes where Noah is just waiting around and trying to be normal, waiting for his parents. With a little editing, this could be a phenomenal short story! I hope you publish mroe in the future, as i really enjoyed this.
One thing that confused me was why exactly the parents needed to leave? It's never really established. It sounds dangerous outside, so where are they going? This would help the world make a bit more sense.
And you also flip between past and present tense a lot!
Some observations:
Maybe 'it makes my throat taste like chalk' instead?
I don't think you need 'well of course' unless this was a second chapter, because we don't really know the world yet. Are we saying, 'of course there is dust and ash everywhere' because we don't have a reason to assume that this is normal yet.
Would a child who had only just learnt to count to 100 be saying things like " pastime "? How old is the narrator. I thought it was going to be a teenager/young adult.
This makes it seem more like the protagonist is a child! Good.
The comma should be before the quotation, like "Watch for the light," Mom said.
This isn't a 'random thought' though, it's very rational!
You've accidentally shifted into present tense here, when the rest is in past tense.
This is a really nice paragraph, we start to learn a bit about this world without being explicitly told about it. It paints a lot of real intrigue!
We don't need this line! It's better to let the reader guess and figure it out themselves through the narrative.
You've started two sentences with 'as' here. Perhaps you could say instead: As I wiped my tears away, I picked up a broom to dust off my desk. Then, I sat down in my chair and looked up at the wall'
I'd maybe rephrase for my affect: The painting showed a world of sunshine and raindbows, but outside, it was just darkness'
Okay you've gone back to present tense here instead of past. You should probably choose one and stick with it.
This is really good. I think you should focus more on the mundane aspects of this life and build the creepiness up slowly throughout it! It's really where your strength is.
Very good ending! Though it would make more sense if we knew the protagonist's name was Noah at the start then when these robots come, there's a longer scene where he realises they're not his parents and tries to hide. Then it gives a scarier effect that they know his name!
Hopefully that's not too harsh, because I did enjoy it and you're a good writer!
Keep writing!
Hello OakTree!
I noticed your short story in the green room and wanted to check it out. Look like you just joined so welcome in! Hope you have as good of an experience here as I have.
This is a good opening line that immediately puts the reader in the eerie feeling that I think you are going for.
You could get this across with an action instead of telling the reader. It would help bring us into the POV of the character. Something like "Looking at the blank clock on my wall only reminded me we had no electricity, so I learned to count the second to pass the time. (Mom and Dad will be proud when they find out I can count to 100)!"
You may want to consider revising these one of these sentences. By saying "They never really..." It implies both parents had never had that expression, but you only talked about the Dad making the expression. So, It should read "He never really had that expression before."
You are switching between tenses here. You say "I can hear her voice" and then say "random thought kept crossing my mind". Can should be changed to could.
Does the sun still rise and fall? He says earlier there is no light in the world. So, it is always dark? How does he tell when a day has passed to know it has been 2 weeks?
What memories? This is a great opportunity to "show" the reader more than "tell" them. Talking about a sticker and the memory associated with it would be a great way to make the reader feel even more invested in the main character.
I think this is my favorites part
This short story has some good elements, and I feel like it has enough content to develop further. I liked the ending the most! You switch between past and present tense quite a bit with this story and that is something you may want to be mindful of. That is not always bad but if it is frequent, it can affect the flow and cause confusion. Thanks for sharing!