Hi! I'm stopping by for a quick review!
Ok so I'm gonna start off with saying that the word choice here is pretty interesting. You use a lot of strong words like "Transience" and "petrifies". I think the emotional flow in your poem worked well with the connotations the words carried with them. However, if you have a reader who maybe doesn't follow along well with big words, the whole meaning and purpose of the poem is lost to them. That's where the imagery comes into play. I think your work lacked that extra umph it needed to be fully understood. Write in a way in which readers can see, smell, taste, hear, or feel (inside and outside) what exactly you, or the narrator, is feeling. Those poems are the ones people remember and love; the ones that make them feel something powerful and overtaking.
I also didn't quite understand the formatting you used. The third stanza seemed to be the most rocky and difficult to get through, since the lines often had interruptions in them. I would suggest going back through and shortening the stanzas a bit more as well, if you're trying to get more pauses.
Overall, I liked the idea and concept you portrayed in the piece. I would just try and make it have better flow, whether you adjust the formatting or the word choice. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to see what else you come up with!
-E
Points: 61
Reviews: 49
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