Chase

A short (though seemingly unfinished) poem.
1.The way you describe the moon and the sun like a duet is a great way of talking about them but you can add to it by saying the whole day and night cycle is like a dance that they do but thats my opinion.
2.You use alliteration very well and this allows for some fantastic imagery.
3.Like most (but not all) poems you used rhymes in a clean easy to read way.
4.The shortness of it allows for an really easy read through of it though, if you can, finish it.
5.Talking about the moon and the sun allows for a lot of different words to be used but you don't really delve into their history which could have really improved it. For example if you used the Greeks to add a bit to the different forms of the sun you call it Helios (what the greeks called the sun) to add more depth.
All in all a fantastic poem despite not being finished keep it up.

A short (though seemingly unfinished) poem.
1.The way you describe the moon and the sun like a duet is a great way of talking about them but you can add to it by saying the whole day and night cycle is like a dance that they do but thats my opinion.
2.You use alliteration very well and this allows for some fantastic imagery.
3.Like most (but not all) poems you used rhymes in a clean easy to read way.
4.The shortness of it allows for an really easy read through of it though, if you can, finish it.
5.Talking about the moon and the sun allows for a lot of different words to be used but you don't really delve into their history which could have really improved it. For example if you used the Greeks to add a bit to the different forms of the sun you call it Helios (what the greeks called the sun) to add more depth.
All in all a fantastic poem despite not being finished keep it up.

Hey there NympheaLily. This is a late welcome to YWS, but welcome anyway. At 10 lines your poem is short and today my review will be too. So without further ado let the reviewing begin.

What I Liked
I am going to change up my style today and start with what I liked about the text.
1. Naming the sun and moon: This was a very interesting point to me, convincing me to read on through the rest of the lines.
2. The description: I really liked the description of each character. "Blinding, blazing, bittering" seem to fit together perfectly as do "glowing, glaring, glittering"

Grammar and Spelling
1. I did not see anything in the way of spelling or grammar but the flow concerns me. At some points you use commas and at others they are not there. I see the grammatical need but not in line 1. In line 2, while describing the relationship you used an "and" instead of a comma. Either form is correct it just seemed odd to me.

Just One More Thing
1. Lines 1 and 2: These lines were confusing to me at first. Though they are shaping the rest of the plot, I did not understand the meaning until I got to the end. Just a small piece of advice. Either write a foreword or something similar, or add a few lines to the beginning.

Well that is about all I have for this review. Sorry if I made any mistakes on spelling or otherwise. I have not written a review on a computer for some time.
Anyways have a great day.
-lizzy

Hi!!
I really enjoyed where this poem was going, but where is the rest of it? I love the classic Sun versus Moon analogies, please add more. So far, I think you have an excellent amount of description, and I am curious as to what Sister Moon appears to be in this poem.

~Tiffany

I like how you describe the sun and the moon in such some beautiful and strong words. I like it also that you use rhyme in this quirky poem

You really have talent and you use it well.
I'm a bit jealous at how you write.

Keep writing ~ Love Catie.

Hi! I really liked reading this poem! It was very interesting. As you can see, I commented to your plea for writing assistance, jk. I hope you liked what verses I came up with.

The negativity. I didn't like...

(I have nothing to suggest or complain here. Your grammar use is fine and you portray a sense of sibling rivalry, friendship, and mystery in your work.)

Thanks for sharing! I'm always here to talk or help if you need me. Feel free to check out my work, and happy writing!

Guys I'm stuck here. I need help with this.