You pretend to be the great patriot
Your principles were gold-worth
A part of the elite
In line with the socialites
You feed the others’ hungry stomach
But you know that you are stabbing my back
You bragged about how good is your land
When some are scraping rusty tin cans
Where is you mercy for the real needy?
Do you even understand poverty?
You leeched the public’s vote
Oh, you class A idiot!
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,758 Reviews
I love this poem. No criticisms at all. Absolutely the most true thing I have ever read. Absolutely awesome. I think that both Rupulicans and Democrats would agree that this truely is what is happening in government today.
Awesome! When I read this, I think of politics. I think that if you rhymed a few more words, that this poem would flow better. I really like this poem, good work.
My edits are in parentheses(), it's just my suggestions. You don't have to take it.
You pretend to be the great patriot
Your principles were gold-worth
A part of the elite
In line with the socialites
(this one is good, 'sept the last word doesn't rhym very well)
You feed the others’ hungry stomach
But you know that you are stabbing my back
You bragged (the good of your) land
(While) some are scraping rusty tin cans
(I suggested a change on the second and last line)
Where is you mercy for the real needy?
Do you even understand poverty?
You leeched the public’s vote
Oh, you class A idiot!
(no comment)
Great job and keep it up!
Rainn
Oops, on the third stanza, this is what I meant:
*You bragged about the good of your land*
I connected with this. If this were on Facebook, I would like it. I can think of about 10 jerks to show it to as well. But for the review part.
This poem is great, but if you but it to a meter, it would flow easier. It's easy to do, just try to put the same stressed-unstressed syllables on each line.
Another thing you can do is put in rhymes; not entirely necessary though.
Also a little thing to add some flavor; add some vocabulary. Not to much that it becomes a mouthful, or shoots the poem over peoples heads, but a little bit can make it sound better, I guess. Anyway, if I didn't need these stupid points to post, I would just tell you you did great ^^
Haha! This is great Hei!
thanx Shady