A sad Facebook love story chapters 3-4-5

I think it's good use of a concrete poem.

Is this a poem? Or a story? Or nonsense?

You need to get this straight. You're trying to throw these ridiculous and overloaded emotions at your reader without developing any sense of personality, character development, or humanity. You just want BANG BANG "This is sad omg the irony, the terrible, tragic, irony" without putting any real effort into it.

If you want to write, fine. If you want to write well, you need to change what you're doing. This isn't writing well. This is writing things without structure or proper format, with no real investment. I read the other two chapters as well. This sounds like a script or a first-person synopsis, but an actual piece of work? No. There is no work in this.

Alright. Now. To get to work.

If you want to develop this, you need to create characters. There is a huge difference between a name and a character; right now, all you have are names, which are more placeholders and things to play with rather than actual characters which the reader can relate to. There are no defining points between Liam and any other guy. There are "labels" that you are trying to use with the "emo guy" or whatever it is that you decided to throw out there, but labels don't cut it. Humans aren't these things you can label and dismiss. They have depth. They have real, honest emotions and personal conflict and a mind of their own-- in your writing, you need to reflect all of these things.

Next, you need to stop telling us what's going on and show us. It's such a cliche phrase "Show, don't tell", but honestly, it's one of the most important things to learn in writing. This reads like a script because we don't have anything surrounding the story, it's completely bare bones. I understand that this is supposed to be a poem (though how that works is beyond me), but if you want a narrative poem, then give it some flesh as well. Right now it's just... movement and hysterics and cruel people dismissing each other with labels. (If you view people in the same way that you portray them in writing, I am concerned for you.)

Build emotion. Build something that we can relate to as people and this will be effective. Right now, nothing is working, to be honest.

SO. Grammar is a must, structure is a must, all the other things I mentioned, please, for the sake of writing, work on them.

Woah. Woah. Woah. You really need to slow down here! Aside from your chapters being incredibly short you aren't putting nearly enough emotion into this story.
First off, your formatting is strange. I don't know if it's intentionally set out like this but either way you need to fix it. You don't start a new line in the middle of a sentence during a novel. That's a poetry technique.
My main problem here was that I didn't feel any connection to the character whatsoever. We get no explanations from her, no reasons as to why she is messing this Liam guy around and quite frankly it doesn't make her a likeable character.
There are so many things that I could say you need to improve here but I don't think that would be worth the time right now. You have what could be a good storyline, providing you play on the crash a bit more and make sure that she doesn't just forget all about it in the next chapter. The plot is all you really have going for you right now. I'll help you in any way I can - feel free to PM me and ask my opinion on anything but typing it all out in this review would be long and tedious. You need to work on your grammar too before posting anything. It's difficult for people to read through something that is this confusing.
Send me a message with any questions and I'll do my best to answer them.
Icy