There are like a million different things I can do to improve this but I'm lazy like that
Life Before Me
Life stands before me.
One step forward is all it would take.
But life keeps moving, always another step ahead.
The longer I dawdle, the more I fall behind.
But even if I catch up, I must keep pace.
Moving with life as life moves with me.
For it is ever changing, ever moving.
When I stop, life will fade from view and I will be left alone.
For when I stop moving, life won’t stop with me.
The day life ceases its eternal movement, I shall cease with it.
Life Within Me
Life may never stop, but it can settle
I gaze beyond the eternal toil and see a future of repose
A rare reprieve many may never reach
A rest for the weary, a leisure for the lost
Life can take a break with me, for even it needs respite
A day, a moment, a second in time to look at what it and I have created
A serene silence, a tranquil stillness, for life to gaze upon itself and for me to gaze upon life
Life Beyond Me
While I stop moving with life, what is “me” does not.
It will move beyond me, beyond my life.
In the emotions of others, the bonds forged and tears cried.
Life is nothing without togetherness but we are something even without life
For while we are the product of our lives, our lives are equally the product of us
And what is in this product, this final gift?
Life.
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Hello!
This is a really nice text themed on 'Life'!
I liked how you made three distinct parts, each labeled either "Life Before Me", "Life Within Me" or "Life Beyond Me" It's like a cycle, or a timeline! And that fits really well with the theme you used, life, because life can be interpreted as a cycle or a timeline (for example, in history, people often love to use timelines, and many people also talk about cycles in life; the cycle of the life of a tree or flower, for example, or in Buddhism the Wheel of Life)
I also liked how each line had it's own deeper meaning, inspiring afterthought and reflexion. For example, when you wrote "But life keeps moving, always another step ahead. / The longer I dawdle, the more I fall behind." It makes the reader think, which not only is really good on its own, but it also helps the reader remember your work better, which is very good.
Also, in "For while we are the product of our lives, our lives are equally the product of us" This line made me think a lot. It's really interesting, and I like how it's a kind of mirror reasoning. I'm not sure I completely understand it though lol because I'm a bit tired right now but I can tell that it's very good!
Coming back to the "Life Before Me", "Life Within Me" and "Life Beyond Me" thing, the way you capitalized them makes them sound even more like titles, or maybe like steps? I liked this a lot too.
There are a few lines that I liked a lot, for example "Life may never stop, but it can settle" and "One step forward is all it would take."
The ending is also good: you asked a question, and then answer it in one word: your theme. It makes a good conclusion. What you could improve is that, at some points, it doesn't really make sense (for example "For while we are the product of our lives, our lives are equally the product of us /And what is in this product, this final gift? / Life.") But otherwise it was very good!
Thank you for sharing it with us!!! Keep writing
Have a great day
HMMHhehe
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the wretched S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a poem about life as the main character reflects on what it could mean for them as they go on.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that life is described as moving with the narrator and continuing on without them, because life doesn’t just exist for one person. And the final line with the result of it all being life. Life can twist and turn but it stops for no one, which is why, in the poem, someone must stop and think about what they’ve done instead of focusing too much on the future.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely poem on what life can mean for someone. I’ve enjoyed reading this and I’ll think about checking out some of your other works. And so now…
I wish you a magnificent day/night! ^v^