Published November 26, 2009
Watchful waiting, eyes intense
You watch me through your golden fence
You stand at the sight you're seeing
Call out to my heart now bleeding
I see you, in yet so far away
My heart is a mournful ray
Come closer, my lovers pure
For you are the one hearts cure
Now touching hand in hand
Forever is our together, in this small band.
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141,445 Literary Works • 674,456 Reviews
Hey NonFictionIdot and welcome to YWS. I noticed you have three works already up, but only two reviews. Please review more! We like everyone to review three items for every work they post, which means you should do at least seven more reviews before posting anything else.
Anyways, on to the poem. One thing you have to watch out for is forced rhyming. A lot of times, people will rhyme each line in a poem because they think that's how poetry is (or should be) written. However, that's not true. While a lot of poems do use rhyming, a lot of poems don't, and I suggest trying the latter first. First get used to free-verse poetry (poetry with no rhyming), then start playing around with rhyming schemes.
I do like the metaphor "golden fence" though. The way I thought of it was as someone's long blond hair, and that's clever.