In the times before, stood a kingdom.
Stable and thriving, mighty and tall!
Thanks to the Protector of the Lands, our Savior,
With a gentle smile, he welcomed us all!
Oh, it was a time of peace and prosperity!
He protected us! He rescued us!
But! Just before
The world was saved from ending,
His brother forgot who he was.
Our Saviour was distraught!
All their moments were for naught!
And he wept,
For the loss of his brother.
Oh, he was heartbroken indeed!
While a man, corrupt with greed
Sensed the insecurity in his heart
Taking advantage (forging a friendship)
Framing him, the people were shocked
Oh, the people turned on him!
The man demanded recoupment!
The trial ended quickly, our Saviour found guilty
And they said “to prison you go!”
Charged with embezzlement,
Forced to accept, his sentence
(He would not be used as blackmail)
So, the Saviour went to jail
The months ticked by
The Saviour lost his mind!
Inventing voices to pass the time
(His stimulation was practically nothing, who could blame him?)
The princess was crippled.
His loved ones crestfallen.
Even those that supported his ruin
Felt a hole in them.
Yet they could only carry on.
There was a kingdom to run!
And the Saviour, blessed he may be,
Faded to a distant memory.
After a year, tragedy struck yet again!
The kingdom was burning!
Ashes and dust, trailing
Behind one who wished the world to end
Oh, the people were frantic!
The Saviour was nowhere to be seen
The princess grew worried
What if the Destroyer (as he was christened)
Had already gotten to him?
But they had a villain to confront, detain!
The brother, now going by a different name
Stepped up, weapon in hand
As he watched the people get stabbed
The man who once wronged the Saviour
Now kneeling, begging for mercy
“This is karma, isn’t it, dear?”
His words, a smile of manic glee.
Oh, his words, before the man was no more!
The once-brother stepped forward, clutching his blade
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He surveyed
The burning houses, the crumbling kingdom
The Destroyer turned around.
The brother gasped! This cannot be!
The Destroyer was, in fact, the Saviour!
(His eyes black and white, weren’t they blue?)
His smile now twisted, a mockery
Just like the morals he once held dear
A hand placed to his chest, the other arm stretched out,
He gave a short bow, introducing himself
As the Bringer of Death, the Emissary of the End,
for what he offered
Was mercy.
“To live is to suffer. But I, provide a way out. We all die anyway, but it’d be nice if we could expedite the process, hmm?”
Chuckling with joy, the madman was free!
As the kingdom burned, they could see
The Emissary, once their beacon, now broken,
Had become a fiend, a necessary evil.
“To save this world from suffering.”
Because to him, death was the ultimate mercy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey, Kaerae here. Can I just say the ending was fantastic! I anticipated the way this all played out, and super comfortable with the twist in the last line
It is sort of like a philosophy class I am taking. Everything is questioned based on one's own experiences, from how we grow up, to everything that goes on around us. I feel like I don't have much to critique on this one, but a suggestion I thought would be pretty cool, since you are using the setting of a kingdom, as outlined in the first stanza, I think it would be fun to add in a bit of old English words. It seems like this would have taken place back in the day, and I think it would add a small 'mix-up' if you will. Overall, everything is well written and as someone already pointed out, it is cool that this is a poem, yet tells the story of something.great job and keep writing,
Kaerae ❤️
The suggestion on using older English is quite a good idea, I might try it in the future if I ever do something similar. Thank you for the feedback and glad you enjoyed!
This was really good I really enjoyed reading this. it had just the right amount of suspense not to much and not to little. your disrciption said you imagine it as a Disney character who is on the sides who randomly shows up. I couldn't agree more about that I love how its a poem but its also kind of written like a short story I just think that's really cool. I also saw that you mentioned that this is also based off of a song and a fanfiction and now I'm kind of curious of what song and fanfiction this is based on. very fun, good, and interesting read.i also love how the savior ended up being the destroyer and the way you introduced it, it kind of reminds me of Grimms fairy tales a little bit. the plot twist was just overall amazing I might end up reading even more of your work. very well done! good job!
Thanks for commenting! The song inspiration is Pride and Fear by TheFatRat (go check out their songs) and I%u2019m a bit too embarrassed to share the name of the fanfiction. Long story short, I did get a bit carried away imagining alternate scenarios and this happened. And just a bit of a correction - because of the word limit at the start, what I meant to say was that it was kind of like a disney-styleish song/story retelling where side characters would occasionally interject (like all disney songs do). Anyways, thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed! Have a nice day/night!
Inspired by a song and a piece of fanfiction (surprisingly). Just wanted to put that out. If you’re here, thanks for reading to the end!