z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

The Recording01.mkv

by NoName


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

MINE



7 Jan 2101 AD

Friday

7: 30 am

Sometimes I wonder what's the point of living and why humans are still procreating. It clearly doesn't make any sense. Like at all. Earth is already overpopulated. There are almost no resource left and whatever that is left belongs to the 1% of earth's population.



Needless to say that I live in a pretty shitty place but the town is nice. Actually nice would be an understatement compared to what the whole world lives in. Compared to that I live in a fucking paradise. I mean I'm not rich or anything but I guess I am fine; actually thanks to tricks that my dad taught me I am more than just fine. My dad was in Information Security. Barbara the Bitch told me that he was just another IT guy like everyone else is but I refuse to believe that.

I was eight when he taught me how to pick locks, and I am not talking about the modern electronic locks, the retro locks. Kind of locks that you need real physical keys to open. It was freaking exiting. My father would have been very disappointed that we have not been able to program an AGI(Artifical General intelligence) yet. Guess He was really optimistic about this kind of stuff.

He really loved the 70s, 80s and the early 90s of the 20th century. He was also one of the people who thought the Beetles were overrated, he himself was a Nirvana fan and told me how "Nevermind" is the best album that is and always will be the best album of all time, so he was a little biased, I guess.

He always told me that how it's a boon and a curse that we live in a time when every thing can be recorded and stored and how easy it would be for the historians to dig stuff out. He also said that historians say whatever the government wants them to say. I guess he was an Anarchist.



Last night I turned Eighteen. “The Eleanor” isn’t ready yet, it would have been a great birthday gift for myself. I couldn't decide what to do for the fuel problem If i switch to electric I won't be the same 'cause the essence is in the sound and forget about the gasoline it is reserved for "The Elites". I could steal a few liters of it but I would easily be caught because not a lot of people can drive a car with real gasoline engine. It’s been a year since I stole it from that scrap yard. I wouldn't call it stealing but let's not get technical here.

The school is boring. I don't get the point why the government spends so much money on such useless crap that you can easily study online and for free. All you need is a decent internet connection and a laptop to access the internet.

My dad used to tell how "The Elites" control everything and that they were pissed ‘cause they couldn't control the internet. Actually it’s not the whole truth "The Elites" do control the internet at least part of it but thanks to the implementation of blockchain the majority of internet is out of anybody's control.

I am getting late for the school, like always I overslept. I am graduating next month so it won't be a problem anymore. Mr. Patel been bugging me about college but I have decided that I won't be going. It's kind of funny that he's been bugging me about college. If I remember correctly, and I am pretty sure I do he once told me that school is the place where creativity comes to die and also that how stupid and fucked up the education system is.

I kind of like Mr. Patel he helped me get this job which i totally didn't need 'cause i am making a killing by stealing cars and selling their parts online. I had to wipe out the whole memory for not getting caught. But i kind of like it. It's called "The Shack" and it sells the old video games and music CDs and cassette tapes not that anyone comes here. Most of the orders are made online and delivered by drones. People who want to buy retro stuffs can't even bother to visit the only shop that sells them, can humans get anymore predictable? Anyway who cares.

It's already 9, I have to hurry otherwise I would miss the first period. Honestly I would love to do anything else other than this but honestly I got nothing better to do so school it is.

There is not point in attending classes but i really like to listen to these moron neanderthal classmates of mine whine over really stupid stuff that doesn't even matter, and I am not talking about not mattering in a grand scale of events I am talking about not mattering at all.

I have just reached school but I couldn't wait to get out already although I missed the first period. The only class that i really like is Comp sci. Mr Patel teaches it, and he thinks I am kinda natural. If you ask me I prefer dealing with anything which is not human easy because nothing contradicts itself like a human mind.

All the psychology book that I’ve been reading been of very little help. I would have used the term worthless if I have spent any money on them, since I torrented them I am not complaining. The government been trying to shut-down the torrent sites for ages but still haven't been able to achieve anything. I know it is illegal but as long as anything hurts "the Elites" its fine with me. After school, I'll go to "The Shack" and listen to some "Greenday". Even the Avril Lavigne would be a treat compared to school. Funny fact my grandpa shared his birthday with her kinda explains why he had all her CDs and his obsessions with punk rock genre.

4:00 pm

Glad that the school is over. It's time to listen to some Greenday. I reached at the " The Shack" around 4:30 half an hour early but like i said I have got nothing to do so here I am.



I checked the Order list. Someone named PunkRockQueen83 had ordered "The Hybrid Theory". Which is a little odd normally we get orders for "Justin Bieber" collections but someone ordered for "The Hybrid Theory" by "Linkin Park" it’s a little unusual as per the order for delivery goes but a lot unusual for me especially 'cause my father killed himself on 20 July the same day Chester killed himself.

I will have to check the recording of the drone that delivers that order to find out about the buyer. I can't check the recording here 'cause i have to run diagnostics on a lot of drones. The owners of "The Shack" also own a pizza house so you can see there are a lot of drones to be fixed. I kinda like it." The Shack" is run by and elderly couple Mr and Mrs Green they are nice, at least as nice as humans can be.

It's 8pm already i need to grab the recording and go to my house.

When i reached at my place it was already 9, and I am pretty beat, so I would check the recording tomorrow and probably work on "The Eleanor" as there is no school tomorrow.


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User avatar
351 Reviews


Points: 11482
Reviews: 351

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Thu May 03, 2018 3:17 am
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Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, NoName. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

Impression on Story thus far:


As your first work on the site, I have to say that the plot itself is not that bad. It’s nice to read about the character’s recorded life. But it makes a story hard to read when there are big clunks of a paragraph and there are so many grammar issues throughout the story, which I will go over in a minute. Like I said, I enjoyed the aspect of a character’s recorded life. It’s makes the story been told different than usual. Yet, the character’s name is not mentioned in this story. It’s a little weird, but that’s okay. You might mention their name later on in the story.

Nitpicks & Stuff:


Sometimes I wonder whats the fucking point of living and why humans are still procreating . It clearly doesn't makes sense. Like at all. we live in a overpopulated planet. There are almost no resource left and whatever that is left belongs to the 1% of earth's population.


The part that is striked out is the part that is not needed in this paragraph. You already mentioned that humans are reproducing like crazy, so why mention it again?

I was eight when he taught me how to pick locks and i am not talking about the modern electronic locks the retro locks. Kind of locks that you need real physical keys to open.


This is a run-on sentence. You need to make sure to put the best stopping points to make the sentence make sense. I think you should revise and edit this part in a way it would make sense to your readers.

Also, throughout the story, the word ‘I’ needs to be capitalized. I have seen multiple of them not capitalized.

Overall Conclusion


Overall, even though the plot of the story is interesting itself and the character’s personality is intriguing, the chapter needs to be worked on. Be sure to capitalize the word ‘I’ at all times. Be sure to read over your work to final edits and revision before you publish the final polish. If you ever need help with editing or story construction, there are tips in the forums you can read that can help you out. Not bad for your first story on the site though, so good job on that. If you have any questions or concerns about this review, simply ask me. I am not trying to be harsh on you, I am just being honest. I’d rather tell you how I feel about this story than just sugarcoat it. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and welcome to the site.

- Kanome



Random avatar
NoName says...


Thanks, for your review Kanome and where is the harsh part in your review? Honestly I loved that you spent your time first reading the story and then clearly pointing out my mistakes. I will try to minimize the errors from next time.



Kanome says...


There has been people on this site who were new as you that don't take criticism that well xD but yeah, just minor mistakes. I make them sometimes so you're not the only one.



User avatar
113 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 113

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Wed May 02, 2018 2:11 pm
Bellarke wrote a review...



Hello, I am gonna write a short review, (I think i may be the queen of the shortest reviews ever).

First: The top...The
"MINE

7 Jan 2101 AD

Friday

7: 30 am"
I really liked how you did that, and set it up, it was a smart idea.

Second: Title.
Your title could really use some work, like I'd call it "The recording" or something like that.

Lastly: You overall set up.
Your set up was great, but you could really give alittle more information about what is wrong with earth and what its like.

Overall: I really liked this. The future was a good idea, the future that you create is amazing.



Random avatar
NoName says...


Thanks, for reading it. I needed reaction on the plot and my flow, didn't even thought about the title. Just typed whatever came into my mind.



Bellarke says...


Well, you did a great job. I liked it!




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— OSP Red