She was smiling as she stepped down from the stage. The smile wouldn't leave her face for a while now. She had finally done it.
What others did almost everyday, what her teachers and parents expected her to do, what a few people even got paid for, what she was afraid of since 7th grade : Speaking on a microphone.
Always finding an excuse and a way out, she was able to avoid it for years. And now, had no other option than to make the vote appeal for her Student Council Elections. Memorizing the speech till the words were embedded in her brain cells, making friends and family hear her recite it over and over again, staying up the entire night nervous about it, she had done it : spoken on the microphone for 3+ minutes, standing before 150+ students and teachers.
The fact that the tiny tots in the front row waved and pointed towards her among each other when she went onstage, the proud moment when everyone applauded, when the loving kids called out to her as she stepped down and took her seat, when unfamiliar faces said "Hope you win" and "My vote goes to you" ; brought that smile on her face.
These little insignificant moments that most fail to notice, mattered more to her than the final decision. Because for her, she had already achieved something that day, something very big and something she feared.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hey there Nishi! Silver here to review for you today!!
Let's get straight to it!
Main Points
After a colon you don't need to start with a capital letter.
Remember, we can't start sentences with "and", "but" or "because" unless in first person or in dialogue.
she had been able to , t's in past perfect tense because the action is over and done with.
I really think that "but" would work so much better here than "than"
Okay, enough with the nit picking and onto the content. I really enjoyed this story. Yes it was short but it also summed up a lot of feeling and emotion relative to it's size. I also think that this is a topic that a lot of people can relate to, I myself get horrifically terrified before any form off public speaking especially into a microphone. I think you summed up her fear really well and it was a really nice refreshing story. I look forward to seeing more from you. Keep it up and happy writing!!
Silverlock
Heyy !
Thankyou so much for taking the time to read thisand leaving a reply.
I will do the corrections ASAP.
Yes, this one is actually my story, when I had to speak on mic.
Im glad you liked it !
Awww, that's encouraging!
I like that you kept this piece short and sweet -- it was really about just the contrast between being scared once and then facing your fears, and it's a really nice inspiration because we all have those small moments when we do something we wouldn't have done before.
I think maybe the weakness of this piece is the fact that generally, those moments are really intensely personal and that's why other people can't notice/recognize them. Like I recently was so elated to have gone on a hiking path that took me over a bridge over a big chasm and up a ladder over another big chasm, but for some people that's nothing at all, and they would be like "What were you scared of?" you know?
So to try to make a piece really successful, I think you'd have to build up more of the personality of the main character. Maybe get more into the thoughts they are having at each moment. Like... okay, so one time I studied abroad in Korea, and then I started writing, for my class, kind of like a mini-memoir about my experiences there. And I found if I wrote about them with my full emotion, with all the small things I'd recognized and all the feelings I'd felt, the listeners and readers felt the importance of the moments, even if they were as small as sleeping in a public bath house or seeing fruit sold on a corner.
I'd suggest trying to move away from the more general presentations of happiness "something mattered," "something was big for her", "she achieved something", because these could be about ANYTHING! And try to move toward really getting into the MEAT of this PARTICULAR situation -- everything she notices and move through the emotion instead of skimming over the top of it.
I hope this helps, and if you have any questions feel free to PM or reply to this review!
Good luck and keep writing!
Hannah
Hello !
Thankyou so much for reviewing this piece.
I totally understand and get your point, but this was something that didn't have aa beginning or an ending. Describing it more would make readers related to speaking on mics, but I kept it short so everyone could imagine their own fear and relate to it in their own way.
But yes, my next pieces will definitely focus more on specific details and the feelings and emotions of the protagonist.