16+ Language Violence

Incantation Chapter 3

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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Chapter 3:

For the longest time the two of us just sat there. Our arms holding each other tightly. Once I tried to break away from the embrace but Lizzy pushed her head deeper into my chest and grabbed the back of my shirt.

“Not now,” she whimpered. “Not now, Mitch.”

Without a second thought I pulled her into hug so hard that I feared I would break her.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry Lizzy…”

She moved to look me in the eye. Slowly she held my face in her hands.

“What’s going on, Mitch?” she asked.

I couldn’t hold her gaze and had to turn away. I sighed and stood up, my back to Lizzy.

“Could you freeze her solid?” I asked. “I need to get rid of her body.”

Without a word Lizzy moved beside Sarah’s limp body. Her arms turned a light blue as she hovered them over Sarah’s unmoving chest. The temperature in the basement dropping. I grabbed my blazer and pulled it over my body, trying to keep warm.

I remember reading somewhere that a country in Europe held funerals by freezing the dead. Afterwards they put them in tanks and blasted them with sonic-waves which turned them into ash.

Lizzy’s hair turned from a shimmering gold into an icy-blue. I loved her hair when it changed into that colour. She hated the Demon part which plagued her. I thought it was rather good looking. Whenever she used her powers her skin – starting from her hands – would turn a very light blue shade and her moss green eyes would turn into the same pale blue. I thought it looked elegant and beautiful.

The first time she told me about her Demonic mother was when she suddenly became pregnant with Elise. She told me how scared she was that she could be having a devil-spawn growing inside her. That’s when I told her about my Sorcerer parents.

The relief on her face was magical. Any child of a supernatural will take on the traits of the father. However, if the father is human then they will take on the mother’s traits.

“I can’t believe it!” she yelled, happily whipping away the tears which had begun forming in her eyes. “I’m in love with a Sorcerer. God if my mother knew she’d crawl right out of hell.”

I remember that moment. My heart swelled into twice its size. It was the first time any woman had told me that she had loved me.

“Mitch, I’m finished,” said Lizzy bluntly, her appearance changing back. She left the basement without saying anything else.

I rubbed my forehead and got my knees. “Dammit, Sarah,” I hissed, moving my fingers and releasing a spell.

In mere seconds Sarah turned into tiny dust particles. I felt a pang tug at my heart. Why did she attack us? What happened to her?

I stood up and rummaged through the boxes to find the old dust-buster. I felt numb as I cleaned up Sarah. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I kept playing what happened over and over again in my head. Sarah’s eyes, they were filled with so much fear. She knew what she was doing but couldn’t control her own body. I kept think of different ways I could have handled the situation.

Once everything was cleaned up I slowly made my way into the living room.

“You need to tell me what you two are hiding,” Lizzy was crying.

“I don’t know all the details…I’m pretty much in the dark too, Liz.”

Thomas was back and making a bad attempt at calming down Lizzy.

She was sobbing. “He killed her damn it! For fuck sake just tell me what you do know, Tom!” she screamed through her sobs.

I stepped into the room and their eyes locked on to me. “Thomas…did you tell Elise?”

Thomas nodded. “I gave her and her friend a ride, I said I’d pick her up too.”

“Good, good,” I sighed. “Do you mind going into the study, I need to speak to my wife.”

Nodding, Thomas left the living room. Lizzy marched over to me, her eyes and nose red from tears.

“You tell me everything Mitch, or so help me-”

I grabbed her and pushed my lips on hers. I felt her trying to pull away from me but I tightened my grasp. I could taste the salty sadness which covered her mouth. Slowly I pulled away and took in a raspy breath.

“Mitch…what’s happening? Just tell me,” her voice vibrated between our lips.

“It’s a group of Witches and Warlocks, they want me…for what I don’t know.” I tightened my arms around her shoulders.

“So…” Lizzy pulled away and put a finger to her lips. “They used Sarah for a Demon possession!” she said.

My knowledge on Demons was limited at best. A few times I asked Lizzy on some information but it was a touchy subject for her.

“Are you sure?”

“Sure as day,” she said, taking my hand. “If Witches are involved then let me help you! Demons and Witches are closely linked.”

Her zeal was terrifyingly refreshing. I never wanted to involve her, but to be honest I needed her expertise.

“I know you hate talking about Demons, but you need to tell me what you can.”

She put her arms around my neck and forced me into a deep kiss. After she broke our embrace I looked at her happily. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“I’m just glad that you’re not hiding anything from me. Oh, God!” she suddenly had a look of horror on her face. “What about Elise? We’ll be putting her in danger.”

I kissed Lizzy’s cheek and smiled at her. “She’ll be safe I’ll make sure of it.”

I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. I checked my contact for the number I was about to call and then hit dial.

“Hey, Mitch, how are ya?” said a strong voice.

“Listen…I need your help, think you could meet me at my home…in like an hour?” I said, looking at my watch.

For a while there was nothing but silence. “Uh, sure, Mitch. But why?”

“I’ll explain everything once you arrive.”

Without waiting for an answer I hung up the phone. Lizzy looked at me quizzingly.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she said, her hands on her hips. “Last time you asked for help I ended up with this,” she pointed to the bruise forming on her head.

“You’ll feel better once you meet him,” I said, taking out my cigarette packet.

“Don’t smoke that in here,” Lizzy snapped.

“We get attacked by a Demon possessed mage and you’re wanting me to smoke outside, allow me this luxury.”

Slowly I popped the cigarette in my mouth and lit the tip. Lizzy stared me down. She was about to yell at me when the smoke alarm went off.

“Shit dinner!” she yelled, racing to the kitchen.

Thomas came out of the study trying to see what the fuss was all about.

“Hey, just how momma used to make,” he said sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up Tom!” she hissed, slamming the kitchen door shut.

Laughing like a little school girl, Thomas strolled over to me with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, gimme one,” he said, holding out his hand.

I rolled my eyes and threw the packet at him. “Take ‘em all. I still have a few packets.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Magenta
Review

Hello Niraco,

Happy Review Day and how are you? Magenta here to write for you a quick review. I have just read your short story or novel and I really liked it. So, chapter three of Incantation. I really like the title that you chose for this. It definitely draw the reader's curiosity and intrigue. From the first line, I too was pretty much hooked. I just have a few comments and suggestions to make for you. After all, this is a review!

"For the longest time the two of us just sat there. Our arms holding each other tightly. Once I tried to break away from the embrace but Lizzy pushed her head deeper into my chest and grabbed the back of my shirt."

There should be a comma after "For the longest time", I believe, and also after "Once I tried to break away form the embrace". This is a good way to start the chapter, though because it has the reader wonder and provokes some thinking. You did well with the pace and have some good words in here that add to descriptions in here.

"Without a second thought I pulled her into hug so hard that I feared I would break her," should have a comma after the fourth word in the sentence,"thought".

"I stood up and rummaged through the boxes to find the old dust-buster. I felt numb as I cleaned up Sarah. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I kept playing what happened over and over again in my head. Sarah’s eyes, they were filled with so much fear. She knew what she was doing but couldn’t control her own body. I kept think of different ways I could have handled the situation."

In this specific paragraph, I felt that you could have used less "I"s.

My last thing would be that you use a lot of dialogue. There needs to be more room for reflection and description and imagery than just lines for your characters. You need to have a balance in your story. Perhaps you might consider changing that? Other than those few things, I think that you have a great chapter here and it will certainly grow to be a great novel. I can't wait for more of your chapters. ;)

~ Magenta

I never really noticed I used dialogue a lot. Thanks for pointing it out. :D

User avatar
LemisaLeaZeor
Review

Straight from the first line, I was instantly hooked into the story. The scene of what was going on came clear into my mind. You used a good range of vocabulary and I understood what was going in. You didn't linger in places and I'll definitely be reading more of your work.

"I stood up and rummaged through the boxes to find the old dust-buster. I felt numb as I cleaned up Sarah. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I kept playing what happened over and over again in my head. Sarah’s eyes, they were filled with so much fear. She knew what she was doing but couldn’t control her own body. I kept think of different ways I could have handled the situation."

At the beginning of nearly every sentence you are continuously using I, which is repetitive and can become boring for the reader. You could change it to this,
"Standing up, I rummaged through the boxes to find ...
My hands were numb as I cleaned up the remainings of Sarah's ashes.
I couldn't believe what I had done...
In my mind a vision of what had happened played over and over again...."

If you get what I'm trying to say, then I hope it helps. Try and change the wording of the sentences to make them more interesting, than repetitive.

Good job and keep on writing.:D

From LLZ:)

I know I use the word 'I' and awful amount. (Just used it three times there)

Thank you for the review, it means a lot to me :D



The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.
— Fabienne Fredrickson