18+ Violence

Incantation Chapter 2

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.

Chapter 2: Attitude

Thomas was close behind Sarah as I lead her into the basement. We kept our washing machine and dryer in the basement, there were also many un-packed boxes from when we first moved into the house ten years ago. The boxes held old photo-albums, toys Elise hardly played with and general junk. The only time my family and I used the basement was for magical practice – which hardly happened as of late.

“It’s chilly down here,” Sarah rubbed her upper arms.

I rolled my eyes as I walked towards the back wall. With my ring finger I pressed a small dent in a piece of the brick-work. I spoke in Demon tongue and a flurry of purple mist strings evaporated from the dent. The brick pushed itself back to reveal an opening. I reached into the hole until I felt something wrapped in cloth.

“What is it?” Sarah said, looking over my shoulders.

“It belonged to our mother,” I looked at Thomas as I unwrapped the cloth, reveling a somewhat worn out leather book.

Before I looked inside the book I stroked the spine and whispered the passcode. “Elise.” By itself the book flew open to the first page.

To my darlings, keep this safe.

Thus far I had kept that promise to my mother. It was a spell and potions book my mother had created over her time as a Sorceress. As I flicked through the pages the smell of her perfume still lingered after all that time.

“Mitch!” snapped Thomas. “Sarah’s talking to you.”

“Oh sorry,” I said, closing the book and holding it under my arm. “Say that again please.” I adjusted my tie.

“My staff, it’s in the car.”

Yes, mages use staffs. Rather comical if you ask me. It’s the only object used by a supernatural – unless you count cats. We don’t use wands, wear pointy hats nor do we have big caldrons but mages do use staffs. Such lies are what were fed to non-supernatural folk in order to hide ourselves.

“I’ll go get it then, hand me your keys,” I said, holding out my hand.

Sarah fished out her car keys from her back pocket and placed them in my palm. She let our skin touch longer than was necessary. I glanced over to Thomas who had a disapproving look in his eyes. I handed the book over to Sarah.

“Be careful with this, just look for the potions or spells you need, there should be Mage spells in them.”

Thomas followed me as I walked out of the basement.

Once out of ear-shot of Sarah Thomas finally said: “I’m starting to think this was a bad idea.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Oh, how so?” I asked.

“The way she’s lookin’ at you, hell all mighty, you’d think she hadn’t been laid in almost-”

I cut Thomas off. “Eight months.”

Thomas stopped walking just as we were about to pass through the living room. “What? How? Why do you know this?” he said frantically.

“She was drunk a few months ago and called me during the night. Said all sorts of things.” I was about to walk into the living room when Thomas stood between me and the door.

“What kinda things?” he asked, folding his arms.

“Oh, what are you? My wife?” I said, trying to push past him.

“No I’m not, but I am your brother.” Thomas moved so I couldn’t squeeze away from him. “What did she say?”

“Why do you want to know so badly?” I asked, sighing heavily.

“’Cause you might do something stupid!” he said loudly.

I moved my hand down, rapidly motioning him to hush. “What do you mean?” I hissed.

“I know you, and I know the look Sarah was giving you, it’s only a matter of time before she tries to make a move,” Thomas sighed and softened his face. “Look, Mitch, I just don’t want you to mess up your beautiful set-up for some washed-up women, who’s getting’ old.”

“She’s the same age as me!” I coughed away a laugh. “Trust me, I know back in the day I would have leaped on the offer, but I have a family now. That’s what matters to me.” I shrugged and once again fixed my tie.

Thomas opened the living room door and we both walked through it towards the front door. As I was about to un-do the lock the door bell rang. I peered through the spy hole to see Jessica. Quickly I opened the door and welcomed the girl with a warm smile.

“Hello, Jessica,” I said moving to the side, beckoning for her to enter.

“Hello, Mr. Cornwall. Is Elise ready?” she asked me, not meeting my gaze.

“She’s upstairs,” I jerked my head, putting attention on the stairs.

Jessica nodded and scurried away. Jessica was a lovely girl. She was the book worm type, and rather shy. Only recently she started to host parties.

I handed the car-keys to Thomas as I waited for Elise room door to close. “Get her staff and I’ll meet you in the basement.”

Shrugging, Thomas walked out of the house. I waited a few more seconds before I crept up the stairs and pressed my ear on my daughter’s bedroom door.

“So Josh isn’t gonna be there,” I heard Elise said. “Oh, thank God for that, all he does is flirt with me. Like, hello, there is no way I’m gonna date his scrawny ass.”

I swallowed away a laugh and mentally fist pumped. That was my daughter! As much as I complain about her attitude and her clothing ‘style’, I still liked her. Indeed I loved her with all my heart but if she wasn’t my daughter I would think she was a nice girl, a little boisterous and loud but still nice.

Slowly and without a sound, I turned around and sneaked back downstairs. Once I reached the bottom I let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, I heard a bang coming from the basement.

“What was that?” I called in the direction of my wife.

Nothing.

With my blood running cold I ran to the basement. I flew open the door to find the once innocently annoying Sarah seemed to have transformed into a devil spawn.

Her staff – which was previously white – had changed into a deep scarlet. Her hair whipped violently due to the magical energy she had released.

“I told you didn’t I Mitch! I told you!” Lizzy said, hyperactively.

“Oh, pipe down you little bitch!” Sarah flicked her staff and a shock wave was blasted at Lizzy knocked her over.

“Lizzy!” I called out, rushing to her limp body. I quickly checked her pulse and sighed.

Thomas was desperately trying to fend off Sarah’s attacks. After brushing away a strand of blonde hair from her gentle face, I placed her softly on the ground. I took one last lingering look before my hand swatted away another one of Sarah’s shockwaves.

A smile curled on Sarah’s lips.

I looked at Thomas. “Go tell Elise that Sarah needs to calm down and she should leave for Jessica’s house now.”

Confused but scared, Thomas nodded and scrambled out of the basement.

“Now let’s try to avoid trashing my basement,” I said the top button of my shirt.

“I won’t make any promises.” Sarah slightly parted her feet and gripped her staff tightly.

Sighing heavily, I threw away my navy blue blazer along with my tie. I murmured a spell and straight away I felt a deep warmth screaming to be released from my fingers. Since I was such a nice Sorcerer I let the purple coloured flame spurt out from my fingers aiming straight for Sarah. Just before the flame could reach her, Sarah flicked her staff causing the flame to fall into harmless embers.

She took in a deep loving breath; her chest looked fit to burst with the amount of air stored. “My turn,” she said, rising then slamming the butt of her staff on the floor.

A strange orange light sprouted from the staff and dashed towards me. I stood and readied a spell to knock back the spark. When it went right past me I panicked. It was going straight for Lizzy.

The spell vanished from my fingertips as I, in s desperate hope, flung myself in the path of the spark as it was just about to hit Lizzy. It hit my back and I was suddenly overcome with a jolting pain rushing throughout my body. I called out in utter pain.

“Does it not feel good,” Sarah said, slowly walking towards me.

I rolled on my side with my back to Lizzy, prying that my body would prove to be enough protection for her.

Trying to hide the pain in my face, I looked up at her. All the innocent that was once part of Sarah was long dead, replaced by pure spite and jealousy.

“It should hurt,” she said, getting on her knees.

“Snap out of it, Sarah!” I bellowed.

Sarah put a finger to her lips. “You never looked good when you were angry; your face goes all red.”

She reached out her daintily thin fingers trying to touch my cheek. I felt like ripping her hand off with my teeth, the binding pain was the only thing stopping me.

Her stare was sickly sweet. Her face was mother-like but her eyes screamed evil. But why? As much as Sarah resented me for not returning her affection, this was too far. Something must have gone wrong, someone must have done something to her, I though as I struggled through the pain.

“Stop this, Sarah!” I said, in a tone I once used with a pre-teen Elise. “Why are you doing this,” I grunted. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly! You wouldn’t hurt my family!” I yelled harsher than I intended to.

Sarah’s eyes changed. The pain was suddenly gone and I was able to shakily get up to my feet.

Sarah looked weak, she used her staff to keep herself up right. “Mitch…” she cried. “I can’t hold this back…Mitch! Please…don’t let this take me.”

I rushed over to her, my internal father kicking in. Taking her by the shoulders, I looked her in the eye – the old Sarah seemed to have come back. “Let what take over?”

She shook her head, her eyes misting. “You’re the only person who’s ever been nice to me Mitch…I can’t…I can’t…Ah!

She began to shiver violently. Slowly, I backed away. I took a quick glance at Lizzy. Her eyes were scrunched and she started to moan in pain. When I turned back the innocent Sarah had vanished again. Those devil eyes were fixed on Lizzy. With my fingers I readied a spell. A spell I hoped I would need to use.

Like I said before, Mages use staffs in order to release their power. Sorcerers use their fingers. Indeed we can cast spells using words. However, Witches and Warlocks are experts in casting in that manner. That’s why if you ever see a ‘magician’ using slight of hand which seems impossible you can safely assume they’re a Sorcerer.

“She…” Sarah’s voice broke. “Mitch…I can’t con-”

Her mouth snapped shut as she lifted her staff.

“Don’t do it Sarah!” I yelled. “Don’t.”

A river of tears gushed through her eyes. “I’m sorry…Mitch.”

I close my eyes tight and released the spell. I heard a crunch, then silence which climaxed with a slam.

“M-mitch…”

I turned around to see a dazed Lizzy pushing herself up on her palms. I went down on my knees and pulled her into an embrace.

“Oh, God…Mitch…”

I felt her head curl into my shoulder. I took in a deep breath of her scent and kissed her neck.

“Everything will be fine…I’ll make sure of it.”

I looked back at Sarah as she lay on the floor, her neck twisted in an abnormal fashion. With my mother’s book hidden inside a pocket in her jacket.

Comments & reviews · 2
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GreenTulip
Review

Wow, this is good.

Though I feel like the flow from them going to practice magic into the mess of people went by two fast. If you could tone it done, and slow it down it would be better. But that is only my opinion. The chapter was good besides that. And your ideas in the chapter went in completely different ways then I thought it would when I started to read it. It is well done. Good job, keep writing. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the review. I see what you mean and when I can I'll go back and work on the pacing. :)

I freely admit that I'm a sucker for urban fantasy (and your story has a lot of the elements from that genre of which I'm particularly fond). I am a fan of your characters and their relationships - you've got a real knack for portraying aromantic love, and it's a skill that gets showcased here. The small details - realistic and funny -really lend a layer of depth to the narrative that rarely shows up in these kinds of stories. Beyond this, I think that the good parts of your story speak for themselves.
That being said, there are a lot of syntax/stylistic kinks that desperately need to be ironed out. The rest of the review will probably be horribly nit-picky, (which is an important part of the writing promise, I assure you!) mostly focusing on syntax errors, though if a stylistic oversight is particularly glaring, I'll include it as well. The format will be pretty standard - quotations from the story will be in quotation marks, and my commentary will be everywhere else.
"We kept our washing machine and dryer in the basement, there were also many un-packed boxes from when we first moved into the house ten years ago." The worst problem here is the comma splice. While it's easily fixed, it will look dreadful if it's left unremedied. Just replace the comma with a period and you should be fine. In addition to that, the hyphen between "un" and "packed" isn't needed. You don't hyphenate unnecessary, so don't hyphenate unpacked.
"...photo-albums..." As I said above, just remove the hyphen here and you'll be fine.
" I spoke in Demon tongue and a flurry of purple mist strings evaporated from the dent." Unless "Demon Tongue" is the official name of the language being spoken by our hero, this should be changed to something that sounds a bit more like a language OR something along the lines of "I spoke in the tongue of Demons." Also, a conglomeration of mist "strings" shouldn't be referred to as a "flurry". Flurries are generally short and erratic, like a "flurry of snow" or a "flurry of movement." Unless this is a bunch of very short, fast-rotating string, I suggest you change it to "a knot of purple, misty string," or something like that.
"...whispered the passcode. “Elise.” By itself the book flew open to the first page." The first section should be punctuated like so; "I whispered the passcode, "Elise."" The second half of the sentence isn't incorrect so much as incredibly awkward in terms of phraseology, and I'd suggest that you change it to "The book automatically flew open," or something like that.
"Yes, mages use staffs. Rather comical if you ask me. It’s the only object used by a supernatural – unless you count cats. We don’t use wands, wear pointy hats nor do we have big caldrons but mages do use staffs. Such lies are what were fed to non-supernatural folk in order to hide ourselves." The entire rest of the story is strictly behind-the-fourth-wall first person, making this passage not just an unnecessary fourth-wall-breaking infodump, but an just an unnecessary fourth-wall-breaking infodump that sticks out like a sore thumb. You really have two options when it comes to fixing this - either have the entire story be told as if it's being personally related to the reader, or cut it out entirely. It's a fairly unnecessary infodump as-is, so the story won't suffer in the slightest if you decide upon the latter route.
"...was blasted at Lizzy knocked her over." The passive voice here really undermines the effectiveness of the sentence when it's being used to refer to the "shock wave". Either change this to the active voice, or have the sentence focus on Lizzy.
The rest of your problems with style/syntax are either incredibly minor and fixable with a standard edition of Microsoft Word, or can be remedied by applying advice I already put into the review. Beyond this, I just suggest that you rework your narrative structure until the plot is downright waterproof, give the protagonist a few more interesting traits (because he's fairly vanilla as-is) and skimp on adjectives.
I wish you all the best with your future writing endeavors, and I hope this review helps as you continue this story!

Thanks an awful lot with your review. The things you pointed out I almost always mess up on. I can never seem to really grasp the technicals of writing so thank you again :)

You're welcome, and I'm really glad I was able to help! The intricacies of grammar are tricky things, so it's understandable that they'd trip you up from time to time.



Death is cheap, and so is life, but a reputation is not easily recovered.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi