Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
Game On Level 1.5
I always hated my dreams; they were never pleasant. Standing in an unknown place, I frantically searched for my ringing phone. I dug through a heavy amount of rusty junk to eventually pull out a beaten phone. It was a miracle that it even worked. I answered it and almost cried when I heard the cries of my mother.
“Alison! Alison! Where are you?” she screeched.
“Mum, I’m stuck,” I croaked. “I can’t get out. Mum. Help. Mum!”
“Alison! Pick up the phone, Alison!” She couldn’t hear me. “Please, Alison. Oh please, just pick up the phone, baby.”
The phone crumbled into nothing as did my soundings. Everything turned to black around me. I was left in a void with the sound of footsteps slowing walking towards me. Just by the sound of her steps, I knew who they belonged to.
Little Alison stood right in front of me but I didn’t have enough courage to look up.
When I was awake she didn’t have a form. She was only a voice which sat on my mind. A voice which spoke only to me but in my dreams she had full control. Little Alison ruled over my mind whenever I dreamed.
I looked up at her. Indeed, she had a resemblance to me. The same plain brown hair and brown eyes but she was different. Dark circles didn’t plague her under eyes, her skin wasn’t pale from lack of sunshine and she was smiling eerily. She was what I wanted to look like. She was…attractive. She didn’t look like a recluse. She looked almost beautiful.
“Heh.”
At first her laugh was only an innocent giggle but it rose higher and higher into a menacing wet hoot.
In an attempt to drown her out, I pushed my fingers deep into my ears. Her laugh still rang inside my mind and I kept pushing my fingers. Deeper and deeper inside my ear they went until I heard a crunching sound. My fingers stopped as they felt a soft fleshy matter. Slowly I pulled out my fingers; they came out of my ears with a sickening sucking sound. I looked down at my hands and saw thick red blood with chucks of my own flesh.
“H-help,” I said hoarsely, as I looked up at Little Alison.
She smiled at me and in her hands was a small mirror. She put the mirror in my hands but I didn’t dare look at it.
“Do it,” she said softly. “Look at it.”
“No,” I shook my head.
She grabbed my hair and pushed down my face so my eyes were gazing at the reflection.
The person looking back at me was enough to send anyone mad. Dripping out of my ears, were parts of my own brain. My lips were sown shut and blood seeped out from the stitch holes. Then there were my eyes. My left eye was still in tack if not a little bloodshot. However, my right eye…my right eye…it was hanging by a vain.
I woke up screaming as the memory of my disfigured face was burned into my mind. My hands quickly flew to my face as they checked over my features. My mouth was open, I felt no chunks at my ears and my eyes were firmly still in their sockets.
Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Little Alison was on the edge of giggling. It was only a dream.
Ignoring her, I looked around the room. I seemed to be in a medical type room. There were white cabinets, one was open which held things such as cotton buds, bandages and a vile filled with blue liquid. On one of the counters there was a small mirror. I scrambled out of the bed I lay in and rushed to the mirror. My face looked the same as always, minus the bangs of hair which used my sweat as glue to stick itself to my forehead.
“I’m okay,” I breathed, with my hand on my chest.
The memories of before I passed out came flooding back.
“Kern…” I muttered, as I marched towards the door.
I almost yelped with fright as the door opened just before I reached it. There stood Bal, with a bright smile on his face.
“Good, you’re up,” he said, entering the room. “We already took off, so you missed the best part.”
“I…uh…how long was I asleep?” I asked, rubbing my neck.
“A few hours. Here,” he handed me a glass of pink bubbly liquid. “I thought you might need a drink.”
I took the glass from him and slowly sipped at the contents. It tasted like heaven. The sparky bubbles slashed around my mouth pleasurably. The taste was like a mixture of lemonade and nirvana. Once the glass was empty I let out a long sigh.
“That was good,” I handed him back the glass. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, with a bright infections grin on his face.
“Bal?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know anything about the boy…the one who was with me? Is he alright? Did he pass his test?” My voice rose into a panic.
Bal put on of his hands on my shoulder. Just at his gentle touch I felt more at ease. “He’s fine, he woke up not that long ago. If you want I can take you to him.”
My eyes lit up and a smile grew on my face. “Really? Please do!”
Bal let go of my shoulder and motioned me to follow him down the hallways. Before I passed out the ship was deathly quiet. However, afterwards there was a buzzing sound emanating beneath my feet. We rounded a corner and I spotted Axile. I recalled how he was the one who caused me to lose consciousness. In fear, I hid behind Bal – who didn’t do much in protection as he was half a head shorter than me. Axile was standing by a door and I knew it was the same door Bal was leading me to. I didn’t want to go in, not if it meant walking past Axile.
Sensing my uneasiness Bal spoke up. “Axile told me that he felt really bad that he had to sedate you…he’s was the one who carried you into that medical room.”
“R-really?” I spluttered. “He seems to hate me.”
“Nah, Axile just puts on a face,” Bal chuckled. “He’s actually been checking on you every hour or so since you were knocked out.”
Bal stopped talking when Axile turned to look at us. “Oh,” he looked surprised to see me. “I didn’t expect to see you on your feet so quickly. I put enough sedative in that to comatose a gown man for a day.”
He underestimates my abilities.
“I…I had a bad dream,” I said, like a small kitten in the presence of a great dane.
“Your friend is inside, Ashi is with him but he said if you woke up to let you right in.” Axile stood back and gestured towards the door.
I nodded a thank you and went through the sliding door.
“I’ll see you when you’re done, Alison!” called Bal as the door closed.
Ashi sat at a desk, with his feet up on the table. Kern was sitting on the bed with his back to me.
“Hey, Ally,” he smiled, turning his head towards me. “Guess who now has super strength.”
I wanted to yell at him for taking the situation so lightly, but I didn’t. I just stood there, my hands played with the seam of my shirt.
“I was just talking to Kern about his memories,” Ashi sat up. “I thought that perhaps he may have had some recollection after his testing.”
“Did you?” I asked.
Kern shook his head. “Nothing.”
Ashi sighed. “Maybe one day you’ll both remember something but for now,” he stood up. “Let’s just focus on getting to Ourium.” He walked past me and to the door. “I’ll leave you two sometime alone. I’m sure you have something’s to chat about.”
I nodded my head at him as he left through the door.
Gingerly, I walked towards Kern and sat beside him by the bed. “You scared me there for a second.”
“Ashi told me, apparently I was in a bad state,” he chuckled.
I remembered how much pain Kern seemed to be in. The thought brought me close to tears and I rushed to throw my arms over his shoulders.
“Hey…hey…what’s the matter?” Kern purred, as he hugged me back.
“I just…seeing you in much pain…I…” I sobbed.
Kern smiled. “You’re an idiot,” he bumped his knuckles on my head.
“hu?” I looked up and saw him grinning.
“There’s no way I’d die just yet,” he winked at me.
I let go of him and hid behind my hair. My body started to slowly vibrate.
“H-hey? You’re not still upset, are ya?”
I let my head fall backwards as I let out a hard laugh. Kern looked at me oddly but then joined me in the hilarity. The two of us clutched our guts as we bellowed a laugh. We eventually stopped and rubbed the forming tears in our eyes.
“It’s been a while since I saw you laugh like that,” Kern said. “Last time was at Jason’s birthday.”
The memory brought a chuckle to my lips. “It wasn’t because she fell it was just the way she flew across the room.”
“Poor Emmy. Never saw that box coming,” scoffed Kern.
“I miss her,” I said, rubbing my red cheeks. “She always cheered me up.”
Kern put his hands behind him on the bed. “Why is that? Whenever you’re with me or Jason you still have that stone look on your face. Yet, with Emmy you’re all smiles and giggles.”
“Do I really giggle?” I said, flustered.
“It’s not really a giggle more a…a…a high pitched cackle.”
I slapped his thigh.
“Hey! I was only joking,” chuckled Kern. “But seriously. Why Emmy?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I dunno. She’s just…Emmy. She looks like your average bitchy girl but she isn’t. Blonde hair, big boobs,” I hovered my hand over my chest. “She hates how she looks but she doesn’t want to change just so she can project a certain image to people. She cares what people think of her yet she has enough sense to not let that dampen her own personality.”
“Look at you Mrs. Psychologist,” Kern mocked.
“Shut up,” I slapped his leg again.
Kern flopped back on the bed and I joined him. It was like laying on a cloud.
“So what was the testing like?” I asked.
Kern pushed his mouth to the side. “Like I had pulled every muscle in my body.”
“Did Ashi have to go through that too?” I said, turning on my side to look at him.
Kern shook his head. “He said each test is different depending on which one out of the Three a person is. Every time a new set are chosen they undergo a new type of testing. Ashi said that his test wasn’t painful just annoying.”
“How so?”
“For a full day his legs were immobile, he had to sit in a chair all day and get help just to go to the bathroom,” Kern winced. “Must have been humiliating.”
Yes, poor little prince boy. All those people doting on him really must have been a struggle. Little Alison mocked.
“What about the testing in the last three? Did he say anything about those?” I asked, my curiosity piking.
Kern shook his head. “Never asked; he never mentioned.”
“So can you like…lift a lotta things?” I said, rolling my shoulders.
Kern let out a snigger. “Not really…well…Ashi says that over time a Third will develop their powers. The more you use it the better it gets. Think of it like a muscle.”
I stood up and held out my arms. “Pick me up – I’m not very heavy.”
Kern snapped to his feet and looked me up and down. “I dunno, Ally. All those scones have gone right to your hips.”
“Haha(!) On more remark like that Parks and I’m gonna take your eyes,” I said, laughing.
“I’m only kidding.”
At first I thought Kern was just going to put his hands on my waist and hoist me skyward. Instead, I felt his shoulder press hard into my stomach as he pulled me over his shoulders.
“Agah,” I made a noise between agony and laughter.
“You’re right, your lighter than a feather!” said Kern, surprised at his own strength.
He positioned me over both his shoulders so my stomach was at the back of his head.
“I’m gonna do squats; count how many I do,” he ordered.
“Do I really have t-”
He bent his legs quickly then proceeded to jump up back into a standing position. The swiftly movement caught me off guard and I unexpectedly let out a whimper.
“One…” I said, sighing.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Gruesome beginning; just down right repulsive. In a good way of course! I did read the warning at the top before continuing :p
I actually liked the amount of detail you put into this. Admittedly, the opening part, before Little Alison enters the scene, is not as engaging and interesting as the rest of this chapter. I understand that it's the very beginning but after reading the rest of what you wrote, I feel like you can so take that beginning to a level way beyond any of our expectations.
After introducing Little Alison, I really began paying attention. What I like is that you maintain her "innocence" yet at the same time you use foreboding words that just scream, this little girl is dangerous. Haha, I think that was wonderful!
My favorite part of all time though is this one:
She smiled at me and in her hands was a small mirror. She put the mirror in my hands but I didn't dare look at it.
“Do it,” she said softly. “Look at it.”
“No,” I shook my head.
She grabbed my hair and pushed down my face so my eyes were gazing at the reflection.
The person looking back at me was enough to send anyone mad. Dripping out of my ears, were parts of my own brain. My lips were sown shut and blood seeped out from the stitch holes. Then there were my eyes. My left eye was still in tack if not a little bloodshot. However, my right eye…my right eye…it was hanging by a vain.
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Holy freaking chow! The image is just stuck in my head! I seriously wish that you would have elaborated on that more. Like tell us how the main character feels; I'm sure she notices that half of her vision is gone and that there is something slick gliding down her cheek (blood and eye fluid perhaps?) or that she feels lightheaded and there is agonizing pain with every move that she made...stuff like that. I feel like if you had added these kinds of sensory details in the very beginning of the chapter before Little Alison appears, it would just increase the amount of intensity and disgust as the readers realize (along with the main character) that her eye is brain matter are spilling out.
Lastly, some things that you've described seem unrealistic. Like how she drilled her fingers into her ear just to avoid hearing Little Alison. I doubt anyone could push their fingers in so deeply that they pull out some of their brain...I dunno...maybe it's possible. I sure wouldn't try it.
The fact that this was all a dream though...
You're a great writer! I hope this review helped!
Write on, Love!!!
Hello there, Niraco! Here I am with a review for you on this fabulous Summer finale Review Day!!!

I recall reviewing one of your previous chapters and I remember being really excited about where you might take this. I guess I was right to be so enthusiastic about the future of this novel because it seems like there's been an awful lot of progress and new plot detail. One thing I liked about this chapter was the continued development of Allison. The whole idea of using her dreams and Little Allison to express her feelings, fears, etc. is awesome and I think you should keep on running with that as the central focus as the novel progresses further. Dreams are a very effective window into how someone feels, thinks, and sees themselves/the world and you've managed to harness that effectiveness here in this chapter with flying colors.
If I had to offer you one piece of constructive criticism for this work, it would be that I think you should spice up the syntax a little. The first-person narration is cool and I think that's the best choice for this type of novel, but I think that adding some more personality and flavor to the narration would do wonders for Allison's development. What she's like only really comes across to the reader through her dialogue and the descriptions of her dreams, but her narrations of mundane happenings such as digging her phone out in the beginning come across a little flat personality-wise.
Anyways, this was a fun chapter to read and I am so glad to see that you've kept this novel going for so long. Great job! Keep it up! I hope this review is helpful for you.