Published January 21, 2011
**** I realized that the last stanza of my poem was really.. not flowy.. so I decided to change it and hopefully make some corrections overall. Thanks for all the help!
There's something in my closet,
And it's growing quite loud.
It giggles and it scratches,
It's obviously pretty proud.
There's something in my closet,
But my mother says it's fake.
There's nothing to worry about, darling.
We can fix anything with tape.
There's something in my closet and it's clawing it's way out,
So I opened the door and suddenly found out.
It's little head was knock, knock, knocking.
So I took the batteries out.
There's something in my closet,
but it's not my little toy.
It's got long sharp teeth,
And a smile that's just too coy.
Though when I go to sleep I know it will all go away,
I'm still paranoid that it might come out to play.
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,707 Reviews
Hi NikkiLow,
This was really great! I loved it completely! The rhyming scheme worked perfectly in this poem, but maybe re-read it because the timing was out in some places. And maybe work on the last line a bit? Otherwise, loved it and loved the humor it presented. It's like a child is saying all this, so it had good character too. And I liked the fact it's got a bit of a cheery feeling to it, and not overly dark and depression like a lot of poems I've read.
And I absolutely loved what your mother says here:
Really well done! Best wishes for future writing!
RedLeaf
This piece is very humorous, NikkiLow. It is indeed very clever.
I also like the way you’ve rhymed stuff - I like your rhyming. Your chosen style is clever and, again, humorous.
I almost dare to say it has a sort of Dr. Seuss feel about it, but I won’t say that just yet.
But I can agree with another person’s comment on here - it is a very bright piece and, did I mention, humorous? lol
Thumbs up for the monster in the closet!!
Awesome! It's like my Chucky, haha.
It's a good poem, and at first I thought it was a metaphor as well. I really liked the part about it being proud, that was a great line.
Hello! I am Pointe and I will be reviewing you today!!!
I fixed the Grammar here. I don't know if your going for a gramaticaly correct poem or not, put if the answer is no, that comma at the first line needs to disapear. Also, those letters need to be uppercased, I fixed that also.All the lines have the same problem so, I'm not going to fix every line. Your a writer, your smart, you've got it.
You had flow, flow flow and then this stanza came. What happened? All the other lines fit with each other perfectly. This one didn't. Especially the last three lines.
I really like this poem. I'm sorry if I was harsh, I really am! It really is a great poem!
~pointe
WOW absolutly amazing...cant believe i am actually having trouble to find words for this poem all i can say brilliant:)
Hahahah I love this! MONSTERS!
It was very creative and Represents scared children everywhere! I think that this is the one thing that we all felt as little kids but never could put into words!
I didn't mean for the poem to be insinuating anything. It was something I wrote as it came. I don't know where the idea came from, and I'm sorry you don't seem to like it much, but it was just something I felt like writing down. ^_^
* Also thank you, everyone else who did like it and said some nice, positive things. :3
Is this supposed to be a straightforward poem or is the closet a really obvious gay reference? Because you use lots of words and phrases that would suggest that "it's obviously pretty proud" and "my mother says it's fake".
I think you seem to have forced the rhyme scheme a bit in places and it goes off the rails a bit, throwing in words for the sake of it that maybe aren't entirely accurate. I'd appreciate if you gave us a run down of what you were trying to say with your poem, then I think we could better judge how well it was written. Also don't know if you did it on purpose but "its" as in ownership (its way out) doesn't have an apostrophe. Apostrophe is used for it's as in it is...
Awesome, nothing like classic rhyming poetry. Nothing to say, it is somehow perfect, I thought it was impossible. I don't think you should capitalize all the lines. That is the only thing I can say that is disputable. On this site it seems people have very mixed opinions on that(capitalization).
This is really good, it realates to the irrational phobias of wardrobes and cupboards etc that are common in most young children. Promise to keep posting!
I think this is a bright poem. I would suggest capatalizing all beginnings of all lines to make the poem look uniform. This is an easy fix. Other then that I think you did a really good job with this and you have a very good sense of poetry. Well done and keep writing!
This is really clever and I could relate to it really well seeing as I always used to be scared that there was something hiding in my wardrobe!
Although, because I'm really extra and nit-picky, I'm just going to say, do not forget your punctuation otherwise it can be quite confusing for the reader as puctuation shows them where to stop and take a breather. I know it sounds stupid, but that's what I was taught and that's what I swear by.
Well done! Keep writing!
This was extremely well written and original. I really enjoyed reading your work, it was funny and obviously you took time and effort to post this. Well done on being featured. Aother like for you.
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Kaka xo
Keep writing and well done!
Thumbs up for monsters in you closet!