Chapter Four
Dani was woken the next morning by the soft, early morning sunlight shining in through the one, small window in the wall. She felt a little lost as she looked about her tiny cabin. Wasn’t she supposed to be in the dank, damp hull of the ship? But then memories of yesterday came swooping back. She quickly jumped out of bed and pulled on her clothes and quickly ran a comb through her hair. Then she raced off to the kitchen to have breakfast and get started on her work for the day.
When she reached the kitchen, she found Cook working over a large pot of porridge. Cook was a large, round man with grey hair, that had a few speckles of black through it and a double chin that wobbled when he talked. He was quite a friendly fellow; if you never complained about his cooking that is.
“Good morning.” Dani called to him.
“Ah, yes, a fine morning it is.” He replied cheerily, as he continued to stir the porridge.
Dani walked over to the table in the middle of the room and took a seat. The table was made of solid oak timber. It was especially for the passengers’ personal servants and some of the less important crew members.
Looking across the table, Dani noticed that there were three other people sitting there besides herself. They were an older house maid, a family butler and a cabin boy. Each of them already had a bowl of steaming hot porridge. Just then Cook placed a bowl of her own in front her. It smelt simply delicious.
“Thank you.” Dani murmured as she took a spoonful of the creamy looking goo. She felt sure that it was the best porridge ever made. Spoonful after spoonful, she scooped it into her mouth.
At the same time as Dani was spooning the last mouthful of porridge into her mouth, Nate walked through the door. He greeted Cook, then walked up the table and took the seat across from Dani. Most of the other people who had been there before had already finished and left; only the cabin boy was still there.
Dani was surprised to see that Nate was coming to the kitchen eat. Somehow she had gotten the impression that he was more important than that. And that he would eat with the passengers, marines and more imported crew members.
“Good morning.” He said with a smile, which she returned it politely.
That goading feeling that she knew him was still there. She searched through her memory, again, for someone called Nate. But no one with his face came up. It was really starting to bug her.
Glancing over at him again, she noticed a white scar that ran along his chin. It was about an inch long. There was something very familiar about it. Suddenly it struck her.
“Nutty!” She gasped, staring at him.
Looking up at the sound of his old nickname, he grinned at her with that old sparkle in his eyes.
“So you finely remembered. It took you long enough.” He teased, “I would have thought you’d remember a childhood friend when you saw them.”
Dani wrinkle her nose, then grinned. It felt wonderful to have an old friend there (especially now that she had remembered he was one).
“What are you doing here?” She asked. “And how did you come to be a sailor on the Charlotte?”
“Actually,” he answered between mouthfuls of porridge, “I’m not really part of the crew. Although I do sleep in the sail room along with all of them and I help them out when they need it. Officer Williams is my guardian. I am simply here because he came.”
“Guardian? Why, what happened to your parents?” Dani asked, shocked.
“They died of scarlet fever not long after you left for school.” He replied sadly.
“Oh. I’m so sorry, Nate. No one ever told me. When you weren’t there when I got home, they said that you had simply moved away. Nobody ever said anything about your parents dying.” Dani turned away, trying to hide the tears that were filling her eyes. She had always liked Nate’s parents. They had always been kind, loving people.
“My parents are dead too.” She added quietly.
Looking back over at Nate, pride came to her rescue. She instantly sat a little taller and shoved back the tears. She would not cry in public. Not even in front of Nate. Taking a slow, deep breath, she forced herself to relax and calm down.
Silence followed and Dani could feel awkwardness starting to creep in. So she picked up her empty bowl and carried it over to the kitchen bench to be washed later. Another young crew member strolled in. He sat down on Dani’s seat, across from Nate. He and Nate quickly struck up a conversation on the wonderful weather they had been having.
Then she found a tray and started filling another clean bowl with porridge for Mrs. Williams. All the while Dani could feel someone watching her, but every time she turned around to see who they looked away.
Adding a cup of tea to her tray, she politely nodded goodbye to Nate and his friend, left the kitchen and made her way up to Mrs. Williams’s cabin to bring breakfast to her.
~
Nate watch Dani leave with her tray of food and wondered if she was alright. He had seen the tears she had tried to hide. He had not meant to upset her.
“Who was that?” His workmate, Jack, asked. Something in his tone made Nate look up. Jack’s lips were turned up in a mysterious half smile.
“An old friend.” Nate answered, still watching Jack carefully.
“She’s quite a looker.” Jack added, leaning back in his chair.
So, that’s what the smile was about. Nate thought, irritably. He did not like the idea of Jack being interested in Dani. Nate did not fully trust him. He never had.
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Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Glad to see another chapter of this. I was starting to miss Dani!
I think the main thing of happens here, of course, is that she remembers who Nate is. Now while I liked how she remembers who he is and for some of their meeting it was actually slightly happy, there was one thing that I wasn't quite sure about. Her seeing the scar on his chin made her remember. That may not be cliche' but I can tell you one thing; it sure sounds that way. That was really the first thing that popped into my head. I'd suggest finding some other way of making her remember. Even an important phrase between them might work. Just always try to avoid cliche'. It's just bad. xD
Next is, well, dialogue punctuation. I know I've talked about this before with the other chapters, but I'm not seeing any drastic change, really. I honestly, don't want to sound like a broken record and am just continually nagging you about it, but it really needs to be fixed. I understand that it's a habit, but this is one that would good to break sooner than late. Here's the link that will help you figure it out]. I hope you don't mind me continually talking about this, but I hope you understand that it's pretty important.
Next I would have to say that I'm loving the way you describe her physical reactions. Wrinkling her nose, smiling, ect... but I think the best one is when she sits up taller and stops herself from crying. Even when you hadn't said that it was pride, I knew that it was because of the way you described her actions. Sitting up straighter, stopping herself from crying... they all contributed to the overall feel that she was too proud to cry in front of anybody, including Nate.
You have two quickly's in this sentence. Having two installs redundancy and turns the entire sentence redundant. I'd suggest getting rid of one.
How about give us a little feel here? Describe for just a little bit, her running her hands over the oak and then describe the feel of the wood?
Ohh, be careful with those semi-colons. Try to avoid using them if you can.
Erm, right. I don't like this guy, and I need to do something to him, just to insure that he doesn't get involved with Dani in any way. And the way you described this, I knew even before you had said anything about Nate not trusting him, that he couldn't be trusted fully. It was a job well done on your part.
I think the only thing left to comment on would be some more facial expressions on Nate's part. I'd like to see Dani describing them a bit more. Like she notices his expressions and dwells a little bit one them. Just an idea. A bit of characterization would be good on his part, but being told from her POV.
Okay, I think that's it from me for now! Hope this little bit helps and tell me when you publish more.
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Thanks for the review, Cricket
I did look at the link, but I couldn't really see what I'm doing wrong. I'll try and look closer next time.
xD I'll try and explain it right now in depth, so that it's not confusing. (sorry, about it being confusing.)
After that bit of dialogue ends, you have a period there. Instead of the period, you put a comma. Whenever you go into a dialogue tag, you always have a comma.
And then you have punctuation. When you are going into a dialogue tag, it's not capitalized unless it's a proper noun. So if it's if a name then it would caps, but if it's she or he and so on then it would be un-capitalized.
Does this make sense?
Yeah, that makes more sense. Thanks
Hi there! Let me preface this by saying I haven't read the other three chapters, though I could give it a whirl if you so wish. In the meantime, I'll just stick to the chapter at hand. As I haven't read the story, its mostly grammatical/sentence structure stuff at this juncture.
This paragraph comes off a little awkward for me.
You might want to go with
You can substitute "save for" for "except for," depending on what you're going for.
I don't know. I'm not really feeling the emotional impact here. For all I could glean from it, his reaction is equal to that of him losing his backpack at school or something. When my father died, I don't think I could have answered it as clean-cut as that. Is he really sad about it? I would say he'd be depressed as all get out. Maybe add a pause, or him looking down at his shoes, or a subtle shift in his eyes. Losing a parent isn't easy, especially not both.
Thanks for the review