The Room Is Burning

by Nike

Published August 6, 2011

In General Fiction

Fire.

It travels around me, captivating my heart, lungs, and lips. It burns the very core of my stomach, leaving a mark of black ash, floating to my brain.

Heat.

It blows through me like a tornado, stealing homes, cars, and people into it's insides. I'm melting, each organ dripping their wax to the floor.

Burn.

Is the only word I can imagine, see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. I feel it intensifying within me, biting at every obstacle inside me.

You.

Are doing this to me.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
RoachRedford!
Review
RoachRedford! wrote a review Review · Aug 7, 2011

The only thing I want to mention grammatically is that "it's" means "it is" and "its" is possessive, as in "it owns the car". Just watch that usage. I liked it, it was interesting. I think you should devote more description to all sections, like the Melt part, where it seemed a little offhanded.

Overall I like it. Expand it and see what comes of it.
:)

User avatar
shiney1
Review
shiney1 wrote a review Review · Aug 6, 2011

Ooohh...This was interesting indeed! And it is actually short, which is part of the reason I like it.
The ending was especially wonderful! And the imagery was very nice as well.

Fire.

It travels around me, captivating my heart, lungs, and lips. It burns the very core of my stomach, leaving a mark of black ash, floating to my brain. The comma fits better there.

Heat.

It blows through me like a tornado, stealing homes, cars, and people into it's insides. I'm melting, each organ dripping their wax to the floor. A pause helps here.

Burn.

Is the only word I can imagine, see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. I feel it intensifying within me, biting at every obstacle inside me.

You.

Are doing this to me.


That's it from me :)



Thomas Edison's last words were "It's very beautiful over there.” I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.
— John Green, Looking for Alaska