Nineteen

by Nightshade

  • Poetry

Published June 29, 2012

In Favorite Poetry

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We are paperweights.
We are creaking bones of winter.
 
We stained our hands
with ink like monster's blood
like watered-down coffee
like a sailor's tears
soaking into the dock.
 
When sirens sang beneath our windows,
when the boards we placed over the glass
broke down with the worn out arms
of lovers throwing rocks,
we clung to each other
because we were afraid.
 
We were children.
We held hands and lightning arced
between our fingertips,
and you cried while I cracked my bones
to give thunder to each spark.
 
Take me to where I was born.
Touch me like a sinner 
in the hands of an angry god
and I will give you
every monster's head on a pike.
I will give you every hat
that was ever thrown from
a departing ship.
 
I will drain my veins of more ink
than you could ever hope to read.
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Anoia
Review
Anoia wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2012

Hey :)
I want to begin by saying that I like that the title doesn't give away anything; very cryptic, draws the reader in.
I like the use of metaphors (I hope some of them are metaphors, anyway!), the overall poem provides an image in the mind's eye, a scene which is very much alive, independent of the reader's imagination. Like the image would be the same, regardless of what the reader was thinking. I don't know, maybe that's just me :)
I also appreciated the emotion of the piece; the word choices and short bursts of passion, anger, sorrow... It gets the reader very involved, like being on an emotional shipwreck in a shipwreck.
I wanted to be able to provide some "constructive criticism", but a) It often annoys me when people just pick on something so they can comment, and b) There really is nothing I can see that would make this better!
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem, and it makes you want to read it over and again, as each time around shows something new in the meaning. Very well constructed, and a pleasant read.

User avatar
DarknecrosisX
Comment
DarknecrosisX commented Comment · Jun 29, 2012

Hey there, emotional poem, a unique structure with well laid out stanzas. I especiall like the line at the end:

"I will drain my veins of more ink

than you could ever hope to read."

That was quite matter-of-fact, which I liked. You used plenty of metaphors and similies, making the entire piece very descriptive and somewhat solemn in a sense. I can't really criticize anything about the piece, because it was grammatically perfect as far as I can see. Yep, so... nice work! Keep it up.

Regards
DNX



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling