I spent hours staring at the limit
as x approached infinity,
tried to grasp between two fingers
something untouchable by a million
a billion
a trillion.
I calculated the area under a curve,
and it wasn't an estimate.
It was exact.
Now when I walk to the store,
I keep a bell in my pocket
to remind me that I'm
(probably) no more than one deviation
off center.
But when I dream,
and the theoretical kisses down my neck,
clings to my skin as I'm taken to bed;
somewhere in the distance
I hear church bells ringing,
though I'm not sure
if they're for a wedding or a funeral.
They ring for someone else,
not a landlocked lover running fingers
down the curves of an integral.
The deceased bride
is probably no more
than one deviation off center, I think.
Although she may be two,
or even three.
But probably not.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
Hmmm....
I didn't quite understand a few parts of it, but with good writers come readers like I who can't fully understand the mastermind's intent. I wanted to find it beautiful. There were details that really held me no less than spell-bound but then you'd throw things in there that didn't make sense to me. I'm going to disagree with those people up there who said it was choppy. I liked the flow and rhythm because I think that's the effect you were going for, am I right? So, all this being said, I'm going to re-read and re-re-read until I understand the genius behind this piece, because I know it's beautiful... I just want to find out why
~Jess
Honestly, I don't understand this poem. I know there is a lot going on in your head here, and it may make perfect sense to you, but it's almost like when someone walks up and says "It was really pretty" and then walks away. You're left thinking....wait, what was she talking about? Try to open it up a bit, explain a little more what's going on. It's a great concept, and it was (I think) very deep. But again, I didn't really seem to understand. Also, your flow was choppy at times, so I would work with your meter a bit and see what you can do there.
. Just make sure to put some actual emotion into it. It just feels so, analytical now, and poetry should effect a person's emotions, not just their logical points of view. Goodluck, and I really think this poem can be great 
.
You did a great job with your punctuation, which is good, but I think you missed a couple places were periods definitely could have gone. Take another look, and read it over a few dozen more times, as reading always helps, no matter what it is. This poem has real potential, as long as you open it up a bit and make it more reader friendly it's be awesome
Hmm... this had a great concept, but I'm not very sure about the flow. On one hand, it seems almost choppy, but on the other hand, I can see why. It's like the ticking of a clock. One. Two. Three. It doesn't flow, but it has a rhythm, which I like. The lines are all generally the same length too, which is also good for the rhythm.
So overall, I did like it. I liked your wording and concept very much. The flow is a little hard to get into, but once you catch that beat, it becomes very interesting to read. I like it.
Well done and keep writing!
-Greena