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Sending Love

by Nightk

Sending Love

Art by Elena Masci

It was a murky morning when nick woke up. Nick is an ordinary teenager living in a simple small town, he dropped out of high school to chase his dream as a writer without a degree of any kind. Nick lives alone in his apartment, nicks daily routine is simple he wakes up early workout,eats breakfast grab his coffee in a local cafe and sit there to write his short stories and essay’s for a popular local website named ‘Wrap up’. Well what nick doesn’t know is that today is gonna be different one from all of his usual routine and it might even change his entire future. Nick did not feel like working out today because of the weather, he instead chose to watch a movie and eat his breakfast and chill out on the sofa. Which he ended up doing. So nick suddenly fell asleep while watching his movie, and hour passes and he is still sleeping, but now was the time for nick to leave to the local cafe to write but nick is still dead asleep. 4 hours passed by and Nick was finally awake “That was a great nap” he said to himself. Nick picked up all the dishes from the table thinking he still had time, not realizing he was asleep for 4 hours, while on his way to the kitchen sink he took a quick glance at the clock hanging by the kitchen door it was late !! nick did not believe what his eyes saw so he had to turn around and look at the clock more meticulously to realize that he was 4 hours behind his daily routine “OH, NO , NO ,NO “ he said rushing to the closet located in the bedroom he expeditiously put on his jeans, t-shirt,jacket a scarf alone side black boots. He grabbed his laptop from the desk in a flash and threw it inside his back pack. He discharged out of his apartment as if there was a ticking bomb to set off any minutes from now. He started running down the road to his usual cafe , when all of a sudden this murky weather turned into a deluge , everyone around runs into the closest shelter they could find , some took out umbrellas out of their back pack and unfolded them. ‘Okay a little more further and I will take shelter in that new cafe by the side of the bus station’ he thought sprinting towards the cafe he saw. He finally arrived half soaked in rain ‘I think I can sit there and write something here until the rain passes by’ he told himself. He Ordered his espresso and took a sit at the table besides the window. Slowly the place started to get Crowded with people seeking shelter as the rainfall got more and more heavier. It seemed as if the room was almost engulfed with people within every second that passes “May I get a cappuccino ?” Said a voice so modulated. Nick detached his eyes from his screen to see who it was. Well that was when nick got glued there staring at her. Her Amazonian figure sat well on her wafer-thin body she had a decanter shaped waist and her complexion had an impeccable, ochrous hue , her pencil thin eye brows eased down gently, beetle’s-leg eyelashes. A sculptor could not have fashioned her seraph’s ear’s and pixie’s nose any better. Filed to perfection her Obsidian-black finger nails ran through her sunrise-gold hair. Spools of it plunged around her photogenic face and hid a swan’s neck, elegant and smooth. I loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes which were a sparkle with ‘joice de vivre’. They where like two beryl-green jewels melted onto snow. “Is this seat taken ?” she she said to me in a dulcet voice as sweet as any song bird “No one! Uhm...uh ….uh… I mean it is not taken, have a sit” When she broke into a smile, her beguiling , Oyster-white teeth lit up the room. It could jolt you like an electric current when that megawatt smile gave you her full attention. She moved the chair a few inches out and sat down, she took her laptop out her bag and started working on something. ‘Say something!!! nick, why aren’t you saying anything you idiot! Say something , you only have one shot at this nick’ He thought to himself. He started scratching his head, looking at her and then quickly looking back out the window like he was waiting for something to happen. She picked up the napkin from the side of her cappuccino, took out s pen and wrote ‘Meet me at the back ;)’ she folded it and passed it to him. She started packing up her stuff threw her laptop in her bag and headed to the back. Nick picked up the napkin and read what was written to himself. ‘Okay this is just like the movies act cool don’t show her you are nervous’ He told himself ‘hey! What’s cool..No.No.No...hey!What’s up … howdy?’ He kept mumbling to himself as he kept going to the back. And there she was this heaven sent angel waiting for him. “Hey ! What’s Cool!?” he said trying to act cool and hide his excitement ‘ I messed it all up’ he thought She got closed to hims and whispered “Shshsh...don’t try to hide it, Don’t let your thoughts fly.. stay with me right now at this moment” While she slowly dipped in a paper into his pocket and then gently kissed him. Her calamine-pink lips tasted like rose petals. Her voguish clothes still kept captive an aroma redolent of cinnamon and meadow-fresh mint. It lingered in the room long after she had gone. Nick who couldn’t comprehend what just happened he reached into his pocket and took out the folded piece of paper. He slowly unfolded it with a shaky hand and a heart beat faster than lightning. The note read ‘ talk to me @Sending_Love, now don’t you give up on me ;) !’ a beaming smile on nicks face.

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Points: 0
Reviews: 3

Thu Sep 16, 2021 3:15 pm
SadboyJay wrote a review...

hey!! Sadboyjay here to give you a review

First thing i would say is i have enjoyed your short story and the part i like about is when she slowly dipped in a paper into his pocket and then gently Kissed him. her calamine - pink lips tasted like rose petals.

Second the part don't like about it is when her pencil thin eye brows eased down
gently, beetle’s-leg eyelashes

Third the reason why i didn't like some of the parts from the short story is Because some of it was suppose to be about nick working at a cafe shop but the shorty story is mostly about nick being in love

4th keep wait to read more of your short storys NightK and keep up the good work

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9 Reviews

Points: 378
Reviews: 9

Wed Sep 15, 2021 2:11 pm
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MC wrote a review...

Hello! MC Here just to make a little review.
First of I really like this short story. It's very cute and like how the main character is sort of nervous and a type of person that values time and wants to value every second of it.
I liked how he was trying to act cool when he was clearly nervous which I found funny.
I like how the chemistry works between the two characters. one being very outgoing and another being very introverted. which worked really well for each other.
Although there are a few grammar mistakes, overall it's a very good story.
Hope this helps in anyway!
Have a good day/night

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271 Reviews

Points: 25756
Reviews: 271

Wed Sep 15, 2021 10:39 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...


RandomTalks here with a short review!

So the first thing that caught my eye, was the formatting of this story. I am trying to understand if you had some specific reason behind it or some idea that you wanted to portray. Not that it doesn't work. It just looks a little more like a poem when it is actually a short story. Anyways, onto the story!

So this is a very simple short story. I think you wanted to portray a glimpse of 'love-at-first-sight' here, because that is what it felt to me. You started slowly, building up the story and it seemed to conclude at the cafe scene with the chance meeting with the girl. Until that point, I had no idea where this story was going. With that scene, the story took a more direct approach. I have to say it was a little confusing, but it was a really light and easy read.

However, there are certain things you need to work on. The main one being tense. Your tense in this story is all over the place. Initially you had started the story in the present tense, but as we moved on your tense kept shifting throughout the story sometimes, twice or thrice in a single sentence. For example,

So nick suddenly fell asleep while watching his movie, and
hour passes and he is still sleeping, but now was the time for nick
to leave to the local cafe to write but nick is still dead asleep.

So here, you start in the past tense with 'fell asleep', then you move on to the present with 'is still sleeping', and again to the past with 'now was' and then back to the present with your use of 'is still dead asleep'. See what I mean here? You shift through the tenses various times in a single sentence which makes it a little difficult for the reader to follow the story. However, tense is the one place where almost every writer has stumbled at least once or twice, so no worries there. With rereading your works and some more experience, you will automatically learn to avoid these inconsistencies.

Another problem was punctuation, capitalization and subject verb agreement. You often do not provide the right punctuation, and most of the times you have started a sentence in the lower case. The grammatical errors you have here are mostly because of subject verb agreement or rather disagreement in this case. Also, you suddenly changed to first person narration there without any reason, so yes, you need to work on that. These errors are mostly harmless right now, but they disrupt the flow of the story and make it difficult to understand. I think the more you read and write, you will yourself learn to recognize these little problems.

Overall, this was a nice story. Needs a bit of editing, but otherwise, well done!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Nightk says...

thank you so much for the review

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430 Reviews

Points: 24860
Reviews: 430

Wed Sep 15, 2021 7:48 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

The first thing which I wonder about is why you have formatted the story like this. I mean it's a short story, so, you could just write it continuously. You provided a lot of line breaks which makes it look like a poem, more like a prose-poetry. However, when I read it ignoring all the line breaks, it totally feels like a short story and when I read taking the breaks into account, the breaks do not make sense. Consider re-formatting it. It will be easier to read it if you do so.

I loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes
which were a sparkle with ‘joice de vivre’.

The whole story is in third person narrative and here suddenly, it changes into first person narrative. I can't understand the reason behind that. It's better to write it as Nick instead of I. That will fit in much better.

There were some grammatical mistakes and some capitalization errors, those can be easily fixed though. Like you didn't capitalize Nick except for after full stops. As Nick is a name of a person, it's a proper noun and needs to be capitalized. There were also some weird capitalization such as "He Ordered his espresso and took a sit
at the table besides the window." There is no need to capitalize ordered.

Also there was a tense problem, I guess. like:
4 hour passes by and finally nick is
awake, nick felt as if though he slept 10 minutes in total

Here, I guess it should be written as 4 hours passed by and Nick was finally awake.....
You have to write in a single tense, otherwise it will be difficult for the readers to comprehend the series of events.

Now onto the story. The story was a bit confusing but I think it made sense. From what I could interpret, Nick used to write stories- he loved a woman(we don't know if he loved her from earlier but it seems like the love was instantaneous)- he was mesmerised by her-followed her-she gave her an address in a site in which he could talk to her. This was the gist of the story, I believe. A few things which I wonder about is the fact that why Nick went to the cafe, he could start writing at his house. He didn't have internet or something like that?maybe. I am quite interested at knowing what really happened after this.

Overall, it was good. It only needs a bit of editing and polishing. You just read some short stories and you will be familiar. After all, this is your first :D

Keep Writing!!!


Nightk says...

Thank you very much for the review

Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly.
— Francis Bacon