Published March 5, 2008
Now listen very closely to the things that I will say
For the sky is sort of silky, smooth; a silent loving grey,
The perfect time for telling all the tales I have inside,
So listen very closely and my words will be your guide:
The times have changed, the light has dawned; a sick and sorry sight,
The Darkness came and all is born again to follow Plight.
Thinking only hinders that which lurks inside your mind,
And in looking you will perish with each poisoned fact you find.
Heed the tales of times of old, of castles and their kin
For you may find you need them when your fate comes setting in.
The Darkness is your Fellow and your Demon in the Light
And Its essence will redeem you when your battle is set right.
Wield your sword, your might, your flame and keep it at your side
For those who question rulers soon fall victim to the tide.
Wield your tongue, your truth, your will and keep it in your heart
For those who question Angels soon fall victim to The Art;
The Art of man, The Art of beast, The Art of those who live,
A simple set of pristine rules no breathless thing can give.
Keep true to this while Beasts of Hell seek refuge in your Light,
And never let them leave the Dark of Hatred, Death, and Plight.
Now leave me, sinner, hero, child of grey sky's dawning breath,
And seek me not, ye bringing all your Demons and your Death.
You have within a heart of gold that Demons crave in Hell,
So listen very closely to the things that they will tell.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,389 Reviews
Nightfall--
The distinction Snoink suggested between poetry for itself and poetry for fiction is crucial here. As a poem for itself, this is nothing new or exciting--in fact, it bears so much of a semblance to the poetry-for-fiction category that as a poem by itself it'll be denounced for being too much like something you'd see in a Dungeons and Dragons book. On the other hand, it isn't anything to write home about as poetry-for-fiction, either, since it strikes me as run-of-the-mill fantasy.
Overall, it'll pass in a story but falls flat on its (metaphorical) face here.
Best,
Brad
Well, guys.... it's not really a prophecy that is incorporated into any stories of mine.... yet. I'm not sure I will, with the no-promises deal, but hey, that's cool that you guys like it.
My next poem will hopefully have a lighter feel, seeing as how this is my second rather dark poem. ^-^
You guys rock! <3
~Nightfall
(not niteowl)
Um, erm, well, uh, thanks. Sorry about the name....?
Ah, yes, wield. We meet again. I'll change it, thanks! ^-^
I agree that it sounds like a prophecy that's part of a fantasy novel. If that's the effect you were going for, then it's great. The rhyme scheme flows pretty well. My only critique is that you put in random semicolons where they don't really belong. Re-think your punctuation and I'd like it more. Plus you spelled "wield" wrong the second time you used it. Plus you stole my name, so I hereby renounce all praise and just say you suck.
Haha, just kidding about that last part, although our names are kind of similar...Anyway, great job! Keep writing!
"Now listen very closely to the things that I will say
For the sky is sort of silky, smooth; a silent loving grey,
The perfect time for telling all the tales I have inside,
So listen very closely and my words will be your guide:"
I loved the poem, especially the intro.
I also liked the internal rhyme as well as the end rhymes. Very good.
Keep up the good work.
A question before I respond to this poem: is this written for a story?
It seems to be like one of those prophecy things, that's why I had to ask. I critique those things differently than poetry written for the sake of poetry. ^^